Not So Inner Nerd

Right after ww2, Jews were freed, but basically had no citizenship to speak of, and the allied forces weren’t that!helpful. So a group called the TTG was formed to help emigrate (read: smuggle) Jews from Central Europe, to Mediterranean ports, where they would take boats to Israel.

The TTG did this by piling the Jewish refugees into trucks bearing British insignia, their operatives dressing up as British soldiers, and just openly driving to port cities.

If they were ever stopped by actual military forces, they would say they were a part of a covert supply missing, under special orders from Major Tuches. They would stress that the contents of the trucks was super secret and to not be disturbed under any circumstances. They saved over 300,000 Jews like this.

If that sounds reasonable to you, here’s the thing: TTG stands for Tilhas Teezee Gesheften, and the operatives named one Major Tuches as their commanding officer whenever they needed to.

you gasp. “are you here to find our leader and kill him??”

the alien in front seems alarmed. “no, no, we all come in peace, why would you-”

“oh.” you sigh dejectedly. “i just- we have a really bad president. like really evil bad, i just thought-” you start to tear up.

1.  “you died and left me your children, even though they’re only a few years younger then me”

2.  “you died and left me a haunted house”

3.  “you died and left me an obscure magical object, I’m not sure what it does, and your instruction sheet just says ‘have fun storming the castle!’”

4.  “you died and left me a fanatically loyal warrior order”

5.  “you died and left me a bunch of money and a pile of really weird IOUs?!  why did someone owe you a free body disposal.  why did someone owe you two brides and a goat.  why did someone owe you an island.  WHY”

6.  “you died and left me to repay a bunch of really weird IOUs”

7.  “you died and left me a small country”

8.  “you died and left me six research labs that operate in international waters and I’m kind of scared to find out why keeping them out there was a stipulation of the will”

9.  “you died and left me a menagerie of animals that are supposed to be extinct?  and some that aren’t supposed to be real???  where did you get unicorns.  where did you get gryphons.  where did you get pegasi???”

biologist:

 (Like we’re so aggressively social that we looked at APEX PREDATORS and went ‘they look soft! Friend????’)

“I’m teaching myself French in one night. It’s going great.”

“Want some Raisinettes?”

“Let my people go…”

“I love the book on your head.”

“It’s an aesthetic. The cigarettes, the Raisinettes… it’s solid.”

“Oh, thank god, I found a banana in my pocket.”

“It’s… it’s less phlegmy than that. More sensual.”

“That’s a fucking… bird.”

“REAL RECOGNIZES REAL”

“Oh, I’m paying for my sins. We all are.”

“Nothing matters any more. Do you want ice cream?”

“It’ll all be alright in the end. Depending on how you define ‘alright’ and how you define ‘end.’”

“I haven’t slept all night, I’m vibrating slightly but constantly, and I’m pretty sure I just tasted god. How are you doing?”

“A note to people writing last-minute papers: caps lock might seem like it’s your friend. It isn’t.”

“Chicago-style citations means we don’t put any ketchup on the bibliography page, right?”

“The good news is that GPA is actually pretty insignificant in the face of all of our inevitable deaths, so…”

“God, I wish I had the core strength to consider stripping as a fallback.”

“Lifehack: Sleep when you’re dead. We’re all dead inside already. So sleep whenever.”

“I haven’t seen the world outside the library in so long.”

they actually did a study on this

and ostriches repeatedly found humans more attractive than other ostriches

yes

ostrich farmers have trouble setting up their ostriches with each other because they’re just not interested, they want their farmers instead