I'm not a tomato @not-a-tomato - Tumblr Blog

catasters

catgirl-kaiju

<- TOILET THEY CAN

BUT! NOT

CATS 🚫 GET OUT!!

🚫 PAST

HERE!

KEEP

CLOSED!

valklynightyrie

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teathattast

threebigolsausages-deactivated2

damn you guys remember at the beginning of 2021 when we thought it was gonna be a better year than 2020? and then we immediately had the hornet storm? i really miss living on the surface

heriitageposts

date of origin: 9th of october, 2021.

spirallingshape

there are too many tumblr posts that came true for y’all to be joking like this

velinxi

[among us] blue crewmate and his red imposter friend that stalks him to protect him from other imposters

h0stile-exe

I wonder what’s happening to the mini crewmates when you get voted out

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gifmovie

chadleymacguff

bye grandpa

campaignagainstcliche

roger that

thewriterswitch

I once told someone about the book I’m writing, and they told me that making the protagonist a woman was an interesting plot twist.

Idk how that’s a plot twist.

valleyhowler

There are hardly any female werewolves because they break all the classic rules of femininity. They force you to confront female violence, strength, size, grotesqueness and uncontrollability. Historically female shapeshifters always shift into something dangerous (snake) or sleek (cat) or dainty (bird) but female werewolves ignore the masculine gaze completely. They're distorted beasts that have no ulterior motive except to destroy. Nothing about them is nurturing or modest. They're the opposite of what a woman "should be." Their omission from pop culture is not an accident.

pebblepatch

shhhhh, the council is meeting..

incel-wheatley

mhmm. time to make fun of wheatley

incel-wheatley

hey guys heres a yeetable wheat

please feel free to throw him somewhere, ill start:

tinystrawberryshifter

good bye

incel-wheatley

yes perfect!! thank you for your contribution!! heres another one

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itzbatz-deactivated20240722

I feel like I just watched a whole movie

tastefullyoffensive

clucku

THERE IS NOTHING UNFORTUNATE ABOUT THESE

damn-funny

ELF STORAGE

yourlocalstarboy-deactivated202

E L F S T O R A G E

barley-and-rye-deactivated20260

IM H U R T

yodanarivers

HOT ASS

meangirlnurse

gentiles have no idea which Jewish holidays are particularly significant relative to other Jewish holidays

meangirlnurse

gentiles will be like “are you going to fly across the country to be with your family for Hanukkah? also do you really need time off for Yom Kippur”

lesbian-bookworm

Not to make you my teacher but if you dont mind what are the most significant Jewish holidays/what they mean

Ive tried to google it but i usually only find christian bullshit

If you dont wanna thats all good to

meangirlnurse

hey! it’s admirable to want to know more. i’d recommend checking out JewFAQ’s Gentile’s Guide to the Holidays as sort of a short entry point. if you want more information on any of the specific holidays mentioned, you can check out the individual articles for those holidays under the “times” tab 😊

stargazing-enby

Hey this link was incredibly helpful! Thank you! 😊 *signal boosts*

dovewithscales

This is awesome. Thank you for the education.

tenoni-references

Library books art hack by @danarune on Twitter

ghostlyapivorous

:eyes:

water-weaving

i was looking for special cat feeders because ours are gluttons who gorge themselves and i found this one...device:

this sounded fun so i checked the comments and...

water-weaving

im??

water-weaving

come to the dark side we have dry food scattered in strategically designed green colored plastic tubes

ovenroastedtwerkey

A cat designed this to dupe unsuspecting humans into training their cats for enhanced wickedness

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tikkety-tok

Good news that we deserve 😌

sunshine-tattoo

oh thank god I thought this was gonna be some nonsense about how women are biologically wired to love babies and shit like that. But it turned out beautiful instead. <3

prokopetz

Modern adaptations of the Arthurian mythos: everybody’s covered in shit and some guy sleeps with his sister. Maybe there’s a prophecy?

The actual source material: okay, so a Kryptonian, a werewolf, a one-handed guy with super-speed, and a dude who inexplicably keeps finding increasingly outlandish magic swords walk into a bar.

ladylolalilly

So Arthurian legends read like outlandish DND campaigns?

prokopetz

At one point Lancelot prevents a war by seducing the enemy warlord – mid-battle, no less.

thelittlemerms

so like I feel like this is a good time to bring up Gawain and the Green Knight because it’s fucking hilarious

a full on green giant fae comes into the Arthurian court looking for a fight

and Arthur is like I’m not dealing with this someone else please deal with this

and the knights draw straws and Gawain draws the short straw

and the Green Knight is like “okay so here’s an axe and you should hit me with it and then whatever you do to me, you have to let me do to you in a year” ya know as fairy deals typically go this isn’t a bad one you just have to like, not hit him that hard?

But for some reason Gawain gets the brilliant idea to chop the guy’s head off. which would have gotten him out of the deal probably if it weren’t for the fact that the dude just, picks up his head and carries it with him going “cool, that was fun, see ya in a year”

So Gawain spends the next year just kinda…fucking around, knowing he’s gonna get his head chopped off from this dude and ya know, not be able to pick his head up and walk out fine.

So at some point he ends up at this castle and the lord of this castle is like “you can stay here, and i will give you whatever i get hunting during the day, but you have to give me whatever you get during the day”

and well turns out this dude’s wife, ends up coming onto Gawain HARD, and like kissing him and shit, but he’s not into it, and every time at the end of the day he kisses the lord of the castle to “give him back” the kisses he got, which he seems to enjoy considerably more. this goes on for a few days, until the lady of the castle gives Gawain a belt to make him impervious, and per his agreement he should give this to the lord but he thinks about the fact that he’s about to get hit in the neck with an axe and thinks “nah i’m gonna keep this” and gives the lord the kisses but not the belt.

then gawain has to face the green knight and he kneels down to be decapitated and the green knight just deadass trolls him, he swings the axe at gawain and gawain flinches. and he mocks gawain for flinching. and gawain is like, yeah dude it’s an axe and the green knight is like “you scared bro?” and fakes him out a second time. and gawain is like just kill me already. so the green knight swings a third time, but stops when the axe hits his neck, just cutting him a little bit. and then he’s like “jk bro you’re good to go” and gawains like “you’re not gonna kill me??” and the green knight is like “nah bro, we’re cool” and it turns out that he was the lord of the castle that Gawain had been staying at, and respected him for not fucking his wife, so decided he was too legit to die. But he gave him the nick on his neck because he didn’t give him the belt back. but overall he was just trying to fuck with him for the luls

cheesetoefungus69

this was a wild ride

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