☾⋆｡ proximity 𖦹°✩

It's him, Julius xi/xir

When I tell you I wheezed

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?"

The horse says, "I think I'm about to be homeless." The bartender, who now feels a little bad about the joke, says, "Oh, man, that sucks. What's going on?" The horse says, "It's the job market. It doesn't matter how good I am at SEO optimization. No one wants to hire a horse. The moment they look at my resumé and see the name 'Brushstroke', into the trash it goes." The bartender says, "Really? I had no idea." The horse says, "And I know what you're thinking. You're thinking why don't I just apply for horse jobs instead? Well, for the first few months I wouldn't. It was a matter of principle. I didn't become the first in my tailine to get a degree in computer science just to end up pulling a cart. But lately, I've given in. Because my saving's are running out, and my kids can tell that something's wrong. So now I'm doing interviews to let drunk tourists ride me, and the pay is peanuts, and you know what? I'm still not getting any offers! It's all going to younger horses!" The bartender says, "That must feel awful." The horse says, "You can't imagine! It's eating me up! People are trying to help, but they can't. They can only offer a couch for a few weeks or only a place for me, not for my family. It's like, every morning I have to come home to my husband and my two kids and tell them I'm not good enough to support them! I'm already having to juggle debt to handle his medical expenses, and then... then there's just the shame of it. I was sired for this! I was bred to do it! And I can't! I just can't pull it off!" The bartender says, "Wow. I don't know what to say." "I know," the horse says. "I just need to find a place that's stable."

i enjoy that every single human’s reaction to penguin is unrestrained delight

And penguins lack large terrestrial predators, so their reaction to humans tends to be, “HELLO STRANGE GIANT PENGUINS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DO YOU HAVE ANY FISH?”

I will reblog this on my deathbed.

Please let him science 🐧

i think at least half of the million reblabs on this are from me

There is an international treaty that says we’re supposed to stay 6m away from penguins, and it’s really difficult because no one told the penguins, and they all desperately want to wander up and say hi.

"We live in an uncaring universe" factoid is actually a statistical error. Most conscious beings in the universe care a lot. Capitalism Georg who runs on suffering and eats the hopes and dreams of the entire earth is actually an outlier and should not have been counted.

why is it always some cunt named simon getting into situations

adventure time. soma. infinity train. I swear to god

alvin and the chipmunks

(sitting in my living room alone) Does anyone wanna know my thoughts on something