I’m in the woods placing cardboard cutouts of morels in the leaf litter to trick and bamboozle people
I’m about to ruin someone’s whole life
Scamp
tee hee hee hee hee
gnome ass prank
arthur conan doyle: the fairies are at it again
noise dept.
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@nonplayerchar
I’m in the woods placing cardboard cutouts of morels in the leaf litter to trick and bamboozle people
I’m about to ruin someone’s whole life
Scamp
tee hee hee hee hee
gnome ass prank
arthur conan doyle: the fairies are at it again

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IF MY BABY QAIS DIES, REMEMBER I BEGGED YOU.
My baby Qais is still bleeding and urgently needs five blood units along with medical supplies just to survive this nightmare.
I will not forgive anyone who watches my child fade and scrolls past without mercy. One share delays his death—but one donation can end this waiting and bring his surgery closer today.
I am begging you as a persecuted mother in Gaza, watching my baby bleed in front of me, unable to stop it. Please donate now and help me save his life before it’s too late.
Please donate now Gofundme
Today no donations arrived, and I spent the day watching my baby Qais suffer without relief, feeling helpless and afraid. Please donate now and help me save him.
I will never forget those who donated, shared Qais’s story, and tried saving my child, but unfortunately I still cannot afford enough medicine or clean bandages. Please, donate now before his condition becomes even worse.
Unfortunately, Qais has run out of medicine, and I cannot afford more. To everyone who helped before, I beg you again today, donate now. Your kindness kept him alive, and he still desperately needs support.
Megamind is so funny to me. Several things are easily and beautifully established in the first few scenes of the movie.
Probably the worst crime that Megamind can actually be persecuted for is kidnapping. Some destruction of property. Otherwise, absolutely nobody is actually scared of him. There's no evacuation when he "takes over" (unlike later when Tighten takes over and there's a mass-exodus.)
He has some form of probably legitimate income since he purchases and ships all of his "evil lair" accessories from an outlet store, of all things, in Romania.
He has fans. (Fucking Bernard)
He probably hasn't killed anybody ever. (He told Roxanne to evacuate the Metro Man museum "we're having the walls and ceiling removed")
He purposely mispronounces things. (Says spider correctly initially, and then "corrects" himself.)
He unintentionally mispronounces things. ("Ollo?")
He doesn't know what windows are???? Has to be explained to him, despite his lair having them???? And the jail he was raised in has windows???? And the school he went to had windows????
His alligators (from the alligator pit) are very obviously well-loved and cared for. They have a disco ball, their own room, and piles of toys. They looked like they were having a great time, actually.
You can be talking to someone and she'll be like, "Oh I made a silly mistake. Women don't deserve voting rights teehee." And you'll be like, "What." And she'll be like, "Oh I'm sorry! That must sound so bad out of context. No it's this Tiktok meme where, if you're a girl and you do something dumb, you say 'Women don't deserve voting rights teehee.'"
And you'll be like, "That sounds bad." And she'll be like, "No no. It's totally not that bad. It's just a meme. Men say it too. Like if a man does something silly he'll be like, 'I am like those women who do not deserve to vote.'" And you'll be like, "Does that make it better?" And she'll be like, "Well there was one guy who tried to make 'Men shouldn't vote' a popular meme. But it never caught on and also he got yelled at a lot."
And then you drop it there because like, you're harshing the vibe.
God this makes me think of this screenshot:
"it minimizes you as a person" really wraps up my entire discomfort with the whole "oh but i'm just a girl" thing when used in most situations.
what the hell is going on
i believe in you Binface. you can do it. this could be your moment.
Please god it would be so funny
there is no downside to voting for Count Binface. its not taking away from other candidates bcos they aren't any and the more votes he gets the stupider Farage looks.
for people out of the loop:
Nigel Farage is the leader of Reform UK, a far right party who are currently in the process of a serious bid to become the UK government. they are just straight up evil.
Count Binface is an intergalactic space warrior with a bin on his head. he likes to run as a novelty candidate in general and mayoral elections. a big thing he likes to do is run as a candidate against the incumbent prime minister:
(Also pictured: Boris Johnson, Elmo)
Anyway, in brief:
Nigel Farage is currently in the midst of a big scandal about his finances
He has decided to deal with this by 1) making a show of nobly resigning from parliament and then 2) immediately running in the resulting by-election
He has stated that he is letting 'the people' judge his actions and implied that if he wins that will prove that he has been exonerated in the court of public opinion
His goal was presumably to get a big resounding win over the other parties, proving that The People still love him.
the other parties have thus far decided that this is a 'vanity election' and, well, there is one very easy way to ensure that he will not beat any of them, and that is simply not to play.
and as a result the only person who has so far confirmed they are running against him is Count Binface. no matter the outcome this makes Nigel Farage look like, u know, a fucking clown.
So what happens if Count Binface actually wins? Does he join Parliament? Does he have to take the bin off his face?
I've seen some people saying he would have to give up his title but it would seem that is no longer the case as of 1999; so, no, he can keep his ceremonial bin if he wishes.
Important to note also that Count Binface is the alter ego of comedian & political satirist Jon Harvey who seems to be an intelligent individual with reasonable politics. As I said no real downside.
The no hats rule clearly does not apply to him. He is not wearing a hat. It's a bin.

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Alright kitten listen up cause mommy needs your help here okay. Pause the game, ok-PAUSE the game for mommy okay I need your eyes up here, kitten. I'm putting these onions in this pan okay and im gonna walk out the door yes, that's right mommy's gotta go right now mommy's gotta go for 8 hours but she needs these onions caramelized by the time she gets bac-STOP LOOKING AT THE COMPUTER mommy needs you to caramelized these onions for her okay kitten mommy needs all 5 pounds perfectly caramelized and cooked down till they're all evenly brown and sweet and YES it does need to take the whole 8 hours mommy needs you to babysit these fucking carmies okay kitten I SAID TURN THE FUCKING GAME OFF
if you lose interest in a trans woman when you find out she has a vagina then die
we're not sex toys we're people 👍
oh noooo you can't fit her into the "tranny shemale futanari dickgirl" sexual archetype OR the "pure, Natural cis woman crafted by god" sexual archetype? you have to respect her as a person rather than as a sex object? fuuuuck that must be really hard for you I'm sorry
it's funny that both trans and cis women alike are reduced to our genitals, but with trans women it's especially extreme. transness is thought of as infinitely worse than cisness in every way, so why would you ever desire a trans woman if not to play with her one unique feature? and if she doesn't, or can't, put out, what's the point of her? what value does she even have?
I’m so pro abortion I feel insane hearing any other take on it
Even lefties I know will eventually concede to some situation where they think it’s right to force someone to carry a child against their will as if that’s not one of the most inhumane and cruel situations to put someone in regardless of any other factors
jax died before she could come out, and she died before she could become a better person and make any kind of amends with the people she hurt. I don't think the story was written that way by accident
she's horribly repressed and comes from horrible circumstances including homelessness. she also pushed away every hand extended to her and every chance she could have taken to get better. there were a million better decisions she could have made and she did not make them, and she caused an incredible amount of harm along the way. and still the story wants us to believe her worthy of being understood and loved
to come out would be to embody herself, to view herself as a real person, to start to leave the haze of dissociation that allows her to think of herself and everyone else as cartoon archetypes in a false world where nothing matters
she's desperate to stay in this world that she sees as false, where she's a funny cartoon character and she can still brush off the pain she causes as silly cartoon antics
it's exactly this dissociation that allows her not to take her own pain or the pain of others seriously. it was what ultimately led to her death. a jax that cannot come out is also a jax that cannot make amends
something I love about a tragic story, where a character fails to complete the arc that might have satisfied us as the audience, is that it asks us what led to the tragedy
the despair it leaves us with, the satisfaction it denies us, leaves us to yearn for things to have turned out differently. it leaves us thinking about what could have been done, what decisions could have been made, what different circumstances could have prevented the tragedy? dissatisfaction drives us to act
you're not supposed to be satisfied when she dies
I love, by the way, the matter-of-fact cut from her walking away to her already being gone. like many tragedies we experience in our lives, the news comes to us unceremoniously, undramatically, flatly. it arrives well after the moment where we could have been there. in one quiet moment the world shifts underneath our feet. at first it feels like nothing at all until the information percolates through us, manifesting first as a dull ache that feels inadequately small and insignificant
we don't get to ask "what could I have done if I were there," we can only ask "what could I have done before it got this bad?"
when a trans woman in your life commits suicide, she is not going to have tied up all the loose ends first. a trans woman's suicide is not the last page of a full life well lived. it is an abrupt end in the middle of a story that deserved to keep going
people who survive their lowest moments are the ones who get a chance to grow and make amends. far, far too many trans women do not survive
we need to make heterosexuality illegal

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You work inside of the death ray. You're a computer programmer, making sure the death ray functions properly. There are thousands of people who commute to the death ray for work every day. Engineers working in its core making sure it doesn't overheat or fail to fire. People in the upper offices making sure the entire operation functions properly. Everyone working together like a massive clockwork machine that they're only a small part of. Even if you don't agree with how the death ray is used, you have to be impressed by how powerful, how wholesome it is, that you're all working together.
You personally are against most uses of the death ray. It's one of the most powerful weapons of war in the galaxy, it's capable of destroying entire planets and star systems in a few days, or fleets of ships and continents in mere hours. It's only ever used on planets far from yours, in the savage areas of the galaxy where the rights you have in your comfortable inner world don't exist. It's always people you never meet, never see, you're against it but it feels distant, it's hard to even feel like it's real. You understand what it's like, alien civilizations and human offshoots crushed under a grand imperial boot, planets slowly engulfed by that distant fire, taking days to be destroyed as their cities burn and seas boil until no life is possible on their surface. But you don't know the name of anyone whose been hit by the death ray, they're all millions of miles away.
You don't personally agree with the death ray being used the way it is but you're not responsible for it. You just work on the code, you have to make money somehow, the economy is rough, and someone is going to be hired as a programmer in such a competitive position. Also, you're not 'the guy who fires the death ray' (despite your uncle proudly introducing you as that at one point), you just make sure their code is running properly. You're not a killer, not even part of the military, just someone who programs computers, it would be silly to claim you're responsible for what those computers happen to be used for.
And sometimes people around your age will morally grandstand and naively act like you're more responsible than you are. They'll tell you that you're complicit in something that's too big for you to stop. And you try to tell them that you need a job, that you need to make money, and it's like they think you have freedom that you don't. We're all trying to survive right? Do they just expect you to quit your job because of someone you've never seen before, because of a roll so small, that can so easily be replaced? You can disagree with your bosses, right? Everyone doesn't like their boss.
It almost seems like nobody is the person who chooses to fire off the death ray. When it was being built, when there was a pro-war movement as opposed to people who just didn't like the anti-war movement, there were people who chose to build it, and everything around its first firing was in so many people's hands. But now the death ray is so part of normal life, so mundane, that there's very few people who make choices to support it. There aren't politicians who enthusiastically choose for the death ray to destroy a certain place, just politicians who have to continue supporting the death ray to get reelected, and who can't get anti-death ray laws passed because their opposition will call them soft. There aren't generals who choose to destroy anywhere, just military analysts who figure out what places would serve the empire best to be destroyed using logical and scientific calculations. Nobody's more powerful than the system, and it's nobody's job to decide what the system is, it's just so many people's jobs to figure out how to best make the system work. And the people upstairs in the office need to make sure the press isn't against the death ray because then it might not kill people. And it's the engineers' downstairs job to make sure the death ray doesn't overheat because then it won't kill people. And you fix code because if the code is broken, if you weren't maximally competent, the death ray might fail to kill, it might be off, and fire into empty space, and lives would be saved. It's a massive gun with no trigger. People working at hospitals are told they're saving lives. People working in libraries are told they're helping people learn. Even people working for porn companies get to know that they're getting people off. But everyone you work somehow believes that their job does nothing, that they have no consequence, that they mere watch what's happening happen but have made no choices, because the choice they want to make would go against their interest, their actions are thus not theirs'.
You met a girl once from the outer worlds, and she was mad when she found out where you worked. And you thought that she was just another privileged kid who didn't understand your job. But then she told you that she was from a world that was destroyed. She told you she barely got out in time. She said that it first came like a heatwave, but it kept getting hotter. She saw the streets she once walked as a child consumed by fire, knowing she would never walk them again. The river she has seen every day outside her window, a holy river in her culture, dry up, as dead fish were cooked in its bed. It worked so efficiently thanks to code you'd written. She saw her childhood friend take their own life rather than die from the heat. She had to choose between taking her younger brother or younger sister on the escape pod, chose the one she thought would be more likely to make it. You told her you work there because you need to money to survive. She told you she had to kill people to get a spot on that shuttle, wielding a ceremonial blade she never expected to use. You told her that you don't enjoy doing this, you have to for your job. She told you that she doesn't care if the people who killed her family enjoyed it or not, she just cares that they killed them.
You could stop properly doing your job. Write code that's purposefully wrong. You wouldn't stop the death ray forever, but you might cause it to stall for a day, or take longer to destroy planets, or to miss and give people a warning before it lands a lethal blow. You could give people, not all the people, but thousands to millions of people, more time to escape, more time to build escape vassals, even just more time to say goodbye. You'd save at least one life. You almost certainly wouldn't be arrested for writing bad code. You'd be fired, and if you played your cards right you could be written up, or reprimanded, or passed up for promotion the first few times before eventually being fired. But if writing code badly means saving lives, then all of the times you did you job properly it would mean things you can't bear to think about. And anyway, you have a promotion coming up very soon, maybe you can think about this later.
People are tagging this with #StarWars. And on one hand it's kind of a surprise, since this is drawing on a lot of soft scifi tropes, and I wonder if there are some people whose only frame of reference for that type of science fantasy setting is a single series of movies.
On the other hand, the original inspiration for this short story was the following meme, so congrats if you guessed right.
podracer Sebulba notably absent from swift-kelce wedding attendees............
things that would exist if intellectual property wasn't a thing
so much cheap generic medication. reverse engineering compounds would be even more financially profitable.
fewer people dead of vaccine preventable illnesses in the global south bc the greatest barrier to distributing some vaccines like hpv is their ip
plant seeds and grafts that come from the plants instead of licensing them. don't invest so much in preventing cross contamination. more localised experimental breeding.
library of the world: every book and journal article in the world could be digitised and be searchable for every person in the world to read regardless of where they live. cheap reprint runs and local translations everywhere.
an online interface where every citation could actually lead to the text in question
freedom from the hell that is DRM software
everytime someone reverse engineered your shitty proprietary software we would all be freed from it instead of them getting DMCA'd
so much hardware would be opened up & therefore made so much cooler.
so many more songs that riff off and sample and interpolate shit from this decade instead of like 70 years ago and more analysis of music that didn't keep getting nuked off the internet
preserving movies and tv shows and games as long as someone, somewhere has the desire to host them
just go publish your fanfic/art/vid as is instead of all us pretending it isn't fanwork or begging the corporation for mercy / licensing
a world without ip lawyers. im getting chills just imagining it.
#there cant simply be no more IP we need acrive anti-IP enforcement #or else companies will still enforce various paywalls and implement DRM a bit differently on their own #same w medical formulas and tech we need active anti-patent anti-privatization enforcement or theyll find a way to withhold it for profit #IP laws are one of the tools of capitalism and colonialism #when increasing capital is the way the entire system works and benefits them #they will always find a way even if you get rid of IP #this isnt to say its useless this IS to say be more anti-IP now and then keep aiming higher
tags via foxpunk
this is true, but right now to break DRM is super mega illegal and setting up shadow libraries sends you to jail, for life. people who hack video games get sent to jail. reverse engineering is illegal as fuck.
if we enforced anti privatisation that would look like forced licensing by nation states, like you discovered a drug? now make the formula and its manufacture public. its much more complicated. simply abolishing the threat of IP litigation protects the people who make the ongoing IP regime bearable and encourage more people to be involved in efforts to liberate intellectual property secrets.
I don't like this.
That's the first coherent thought that enters my head. My head is full of thoughts. To many thoughts. Noisy thoughts. Noise and noise and noise.
I don't like it.
Two of the primates are chattering at each other. Urgent little creatures, them. These two seem more urgent than normal.
"... not her ..."
Two words snag in my mind. I turn them over in my mind with a detached sort of fascination.
I try rise to my feet. My skin slips on the wet surface and my body slams painfully on the smooth stone... or not stone. I don't know. These primates like their smooth not stone.
My shoulder smarts where it struck. No fur to cushion the fall. No...
I can see my paw.
It's not my paw.
It's one of those horrible little primate paws with wiggling, grasping little toes.
Not her. not her. not her.
A noise escapes my throat, some horrible moan that vibrates past fleshy alien tongue and cheeks.
The primate chatter cuts off abruptly and they look at me.
I look at them. I'm horrible and wet like a newborn covered in afterbirth. I have to blink the awful scum out of my eyes, but everything is focussing wrong. Contrast and sharpness are wrong. Colors are... there are too many fucking colors.
"Um... hello, yes?" one of the primates stammers.
"What." I rasp, words somehow finding their way from brain to throat to lips. "the fuck?"
The primate makes a face. A sort of abstract horror.
It crouches down. No, she crouches down.
"Hi," she repeats. "So... um... I can imagine you're a bit disoriented right now... and well, we're not quite sure how to put this gently-"
"What the fuck did you do to me??" I half moan, half snarl.
"Our friend got transformed into a tiger," the other one says in a rush. "We um... well, we were trying to turn her back... but it seems there's been a little bit of a mixup."
my mom was trying to chew through some really tough steak and she turned to me and said “just call me The Gnawer.” she would do numbers here
she told me she doesn't remember saying this. quote, "must have been steak-induced hysteria"
happy mother's day to this crazy broad
my mom’s old house had a wood burning stove for heating and sometimes when it was cold we’d stand in front of it, but one day she was turning around in front of it so that her back and front got equally warm, and she said “just call me rotisserie Tina” and to this day Rotisserie Tina is my contact name for her in my phone

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"if i had a time machine i would go back in time and kill hitler"
I would put sea mines around medieval britain. i would give hannibal barca ww2 era heavy artillery and tell him not to stop till he starts seeing gauls. i would give boudica a fucking abrams. i would appear before jesus like an angel and tell him "you gotta stop. not cause theyll kill you, youre fine with that, surprisingly, but because your fanclub is gonna spend about 1500 years making everything worse for everyone, everywhere." I would take a glock back in time and shoot romulus, shoot remus, and shoot that damn dog too just to be safe. i would be on the side of christopher columbus' ship in a scuba suit planting c4 on that bitch like rainbow six siege. i would be waging a one woman campaign of terror across andalusia to prevent the reconquista. i would be getting way out in front of that shit is what im saying,
y'all should read "this is how we win the time war"
way ahead of you
Anytime a dyke modifies their genitals an angel gets her wings
I hope they like those wings, cuz I gotta say, the modification is pretty great.