✨ it all comes back to you ✨

they're at the kingfisher after a game in new york and scott and some of the other admirals are there along with a majority of the cens and they're all having a good time. ilya and some random admirals player are chirping each other and ilya says something a little mean in the asshole way he does with a small tilt of his lips. and shane can suddenly feel eyes on him from scott and carter and troy and various other players, and for a second he doesn't get it. he doesn't get it, until all he does is snort in response, because well, it was true and also pretty funny and ilya really is the funniest person he knows, okay, and ilya nudges him with a small smile when he hears it, but then the stares slowly morph into something like confused gapes, and all of a sudden, he gets it. it's not the first time it happens and it definitely won't be the last, but shane starts noticing it a lot more and it continues to piss. him. the. fuck. off.

hayden giving him an expectant glance when ilya is half-yelling and groaning with a few cens in the bar at the soccer game on tv, like shane is for some reason gonna tell him to quiet down. scott giving him a quick side-eye when ilya chirps about his age on the ice, like shane is gonna tell him to stop; like he doesn't find the multiple layers to ilya's chirps to scott genuinely impressive, like he doesn't find it amusing. evan, though to his credit he was mostly joking, making a sly comment about shane needing to hold ilya back from fighting during a game, like shane would do that when ilya is well-fucking-aware of when to pick fights and when not to because he is the second-best hockey player in the league; like shane doesn't also find it unbearably hot when ilya has a little blood on his knuckles and dripping down the corner of his lips as he calls out mean little quips at the other team with a smirk on his face

because the thing about their relationship is that shane is undeniably attracted to ilya being an asshole. he thinks it's funny. it almost definitely also turns him on. and he likes when ilya is mean and smug and rowdy and a little shit. he likes when ilya is an asshole to him because that's their banter and their foreplay. he likes when ilya is an asshole to other people because he pretty much always thinks what ilya says is hilarious. (plus it's the fact that shane is also an asshole; it's just that ilya says it out loud more often than he does)

and so the thing about their relationship that, for some fucking reason, other people don't get is that shane, from the very beginning, has always and will continue to like when ilya is an asshole. and yes, they're married (shane also thinks some people seem to forget this, because why would shane marry ilya if he truly doesn't like ilya's personality. he thinks other people are a little stupid sometimes.) but they're also best friends and bond over being the best at what they do and how competitive they are and that they're both a little bitchy at times

“shane?” ilya barely manages to ask, but he’s cut off by his own moan when shane unceremoniously pulls down his sweats and gets his mouth on ilya’s dick.

it’s the fastest blowjob in both of their lives — ilya comes pretty quickly, mostly because shane just goes ham on it, sucking his husband off like he knows it’s his last day on earth. ilya is still a bit dazed when shane pulls away, lips slick and glistening, and climbs into ilya’s lap. ilya’s hands loosely rest on shane’s hips, barely latched, since his soul was literally just sucked straight out through his dick. but shane is still trying to grind down on him, his swollen lips kneading and biting up and down ilya’s throat.

“shane, lyubov moya,” ilya tries, gently prying shane’s face away from his neck. “i love this, i love the energy, but can you please say what the fuck is going on?”

shane frowns when he gets pulled away, but ilya can see that his eyes are filled with something close to… fear?

“i read something,” shane whispers, like it’s a horrible secret. “on the internet. they said… ilya, i need you to promise me it’s not true.”

“i don’t even know what,” ilya says, smiling a bit in an attempt to soothe his husband. “if they said you have sexiest husband, sorry, cannot deny.”

“no, ilya.” shane groans, his thighs squeezing tighter around ilya’s hips. “they said… jesus fuck. they said you’d be happy to retire and become my wag.”

ilya’s eyes grow twice as wide, eyebrows shooting up. “what? what kind of idiot said that?”

“i don’t know, just… people.” shane waves a hand around. “they said that you’d be happy to retire right now, stay at home to raise our children — which we don’t even have, by the way — and…” shane gulps. “…and cheer for me at my games.”

ilya can’t help a startled laugh at the image that immediately appears in his mind. it’s absurd, to say the least. he shakes his head.

“not happening,” he says, rubbing slow, firm circles into shane’s hips that he’s still trying to grind into ilya’s lap. “how can i leave you alone on ice, hollander? you will regress to rookie, and mlh will become beer league.”

shane pushes at his chest. he’s not smiling at this as ilya hoped he would be. “exactly. i can’t do this without you, ilya. i’m serious. fuck children. fuck retirement. none of this wag bullshit, okay?”

ilya grins up at him. “wouldn’t dream of it. shane, the only way i’m leaving ice before you is dead.”