All About Dazatsu

“This was an accident, right?” Atsushi asks from where he’s still standing in the doorway, watching Dazai make himself at home on the bed.

“It was the only room available,” Dazai replies, completely unbothered by the situation. Atsushi wishes he could relate. However, he’s incredibly bothered by this. He won’t be able to make it through the night if he has to share a bed with Dazai. His heart would explode before then.

Atsushi doesn’t even think to question Dazai’s sincerity. This doesn’t seem like the kind of thing he’d do to mess with Atsushi and Atsushi knows he wouldn’t want to sleep in the same bed so he’d have no reason to set this up on purpose.

It’s a cruel twist of fate, though. This couldn’t have happened two weeks ago before he had the revelation of how deep his feelings for Dazai ran? Before he’d realized he wants to know what Dazai’s lips taste like? Before he discovered his desire to be able to call Dazai his boyfriend?

Atsushi shuffles into the room, keeping his gaze glued to the floor as his heart races in his chest. He is absolutely terrified that he’s going to make a fool of and expose himself if they share a bed, but he’s not about to suggest that he or Dazai sleep on the floor. Dazai definitely wouldn’t and Atsushi’s too weak to decline any amount of closeness he can get with Dazai despite his fear.

He slips his shoes off and hesitantly makes his way to the side of the bed Dazai isn’t occupying. Atsushi places his bag on the nightstand and finally looks back at the bed. Dazai is stretched out across it with his legs crossed and his hands folded behind his head.

“You’re going to sleep in that?” Atsushi asks, realizing that Dazai is wearing exactly what he always does. It doesn’t seem very comfortable to sleep in.

“It’s not like I brought anything to change into,” Dazai points out, glancing at Atsushi out of the corner of his eye.

“Right,” Atsushi flushes, embarrassed that he forgot. Him and Dazai are only at a hotel because their job in the area ran long and there weren’t any more trains running tonight that would take them home. Neither of them were prepared for an overnight trip when they left the office.

Atsushi’s face burns even brighter when he thinks about having to join Dazai in bed. He already gets flustered enough when Dazai drapes himself across Atsushi’s chair, or pats his head, or walks too close to him and their fingers brush. He knows he won’t be able to even pretend to act normal about this.

Atsushi hurries to the bathroom, needing some privacy to try and calm himself down (and stall as long as possible). He takes a few deep breaths in an attempt to steady his racing heart as soon as he shuts the door. He was so sure earlier that his anxiety wouldn’t win the battle with his desire to be close to Dazai, but now he’s doubting that as his heart continues to beat uncomfortably in his chest and his face doesn’t lose its color. His hands are shaking now, too.

Maybe he should just sleep on the floor.

No, it’s even worse to make it so obvious that he doesn’t want to sleep with Dazai. Atsushi can feel his ears turn red when that thought puts unwanted images in his head. He puts his head in his hands and groans quietly to himself. This is not helping his situation.

He turns to the sink and splashes some cold water on his face. It cools his cheeks and helps pull him out of his thoughts. He does that a few more times until his heart rate begins to approach a reasonable speed and his face isn’t burning anymore.

Once he’s more or less settled, he dries his face and steels himself to face this head on. They’re just sharing a bed. It’s a big bed, they don’t even have to sleep that close together. He’ll just stay firmly on his side of the bed and hope he doesn’t decide to cuddle Dazai in his sleep.

Atsushi exits the bathroom with an only slightly shaky breath escaping him. He can do this. Even if Dazai figures out that Atsushi likes him, it won’t be the end of the world. Probably.

He returns to find Dazai still lounging on the bed, now without his coat. His eyes open at Atsushi’s approach. Atsushi smiles at him, hoping he won’t mention Atsushi’s abrupt exit or too-long absence for a simple bathroom break. Dazai simply stares at him for a moment longer before closing his eyes again. Atsushi has to stop himself from releasing a sigh, too relieved to question Dazai’s lack of words.

Atsushi goes around to his side of the bed and stops to remove his tie, belt, and gloves, placing them next to his bag, before sitting down. He feels the bed shift behind him and looks over his shoulder. Dazai has gotten up and goes to turn the lights off.

Atsushi feels the bed dip again and hears the covers shift when he returns. Dazai gets situated quickly, the bed stilling with his lack of movement. Atsushi follows his lead and crawls under the covers stiffly, keeping his back to Dazai. As soon as he lays down his exhaustion from the day hits him full force, washing away most of his anxiety. This bed is way more comfortable than he was expecting and the blankets are so soft.

“Good night, Dazai-san,” he whispers through a yawn, eyelids heavy. He feels a little silly for being so worried about this when this is how he’s responding now. Part of him thinks he should definitely still be concerned about this situation, but he’s too tired to really care. He can’t even tell that Dazai is in the same bed as him with how far away from each other they are, anyway. There’s no reason to assume this will end badly, and if he can actually fall asleep, then he’s going to let himself fall asleep rather than worry.

“Good night, Atsushi-kun,” Dazai replies. Atsushi hums in response, eyes falling shut and breaths becoming deeper. His body slowly relaxes into the plush mattress.

Soon after, he’s jolted from his half-asleep haze by the feeling of a body pressing against him and an arm laying itself across his stomach.

“Dazai-san?!” Atsushi yelps, stiffening in shock.

“Hmm?” Dazai responds, sounding half-asleep himself.

“Why are you spooning me?!” Atsushi whisper-shouts, unable to comprehend the situation he’s found himself in. His heart rate is through the roof and he’s never felt so much tension in his body at once.

“You weren’t going to make a move, so I’m taking matters into my own hands,” Dazai says, causing Atsushi’s brain to short-circuit.

“What? Wait, are you saying you planned this? Did you know I liked you this whole time?” Atsushi asks after his brain kicks back online, the implication of Dazai’s words actually processing.

“Yes.”

“Then why’d you do all this instead of talking to me?” Atsushi knows Dazai’s not one to take the direct approach, but he definitely wasn’t expecting this.

“Because I wanted you to confess. Clearly it didn’t work, so I’ll just do it instead. Atsushi-kun, I like you. Let’s go on a date,” Dazai says. Atsushi's face heats up at the declaration. He never thought he’d hear those words from Dazai, but he just did and it might be too much for him to handle right now. In a very good way.

“Okay,” Atsushi mumbles, blood rushing in his ears and heart thrumming against his ribs.

“What was that?” Atsushi suppresses a shudder at Dazai’s breath ghosting across his ear. This proximity is going to be the death of him.

“I said okay!” Atsushi yelps. He fears he might have just agreed to something that will make his life much more difficult. He doesn't think it'll be in a bad way, at least.

“I thought so,” Dazai responds, tangling his legs with Atsushi's. Atsushi is overwhelmed by the increased warmth for a moment, his breath catching in his throat, before he slowly relaxes into it, realizing this is something he doesn't have to hide anymore.

Atsushi hesitantly presses his back more firmly against Dazai and drapes his arm over the one Dazai has wrapped around him. Dazai tightens his hold around Atsushi and leans his head against Atsushi’s. Atsushi smiles to himself, awed at knowing he can truly have this. Now he can definitely rest easy.

Atsushi focuses on the feel and sound of Dazai's steady breath behind him, the warmth of his body against him, and closes his eyes as he drifts into sleep.