You ever have an idea for a drawing but as youre trying to conceptualize it, you realize your plan is basically porn?
...yeah
I'm still gonna try and draw it though
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@nixcleon
You ever have an idea for a drawing but as youre trying to conceptualize it, you realize your plan is basically porn?
...yeah
I'm still gonna try and draw it though

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birth by sleepâ¨
the bad thing about having unhealthy habits due to mental illness, is when you DO do something healthy style you can't brag about about it because then people will then know you've been doing it yucky style all along. Like you can't brag you changed your sheets or brushed your teeth because then ppl will be like oh did you not brush your teeth regularly before? Thats yucky disgusting! So you just gotta keep it to yourself. And be proud alone, I suppose.
the nature of God is a circle of which the center is everywhere and the circumference is nowhere.
If you think about it, this is basically vanven

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Guys help my ventus doesnt approve of my ventus
You ever think about how Aqua knowingly lied to Ventus about his origins, saying he's always been with her and Terra?
Aqua (and Terra, but Aqua more so) has always been protective of Ven, but this seems a bit too much for her to come up with on her own. Eraqus probably had something to do with this, most likely ordering them to say as much.
So not only was Ventus chained to his home physically, he was also mentally chained, fed a falsehood about his past. Maybe this is just because Ven had reacted so poorly to questions about his past, back when he first met Terra and Aqua. But it's awfully convenient, isn't it? You want to keep Ven at home no matter what, so why not lie to him and tell him he's always been here, just in case he might get curious about where he really came from and venture out?
OP, OP, I think about this a lot.
This is one of those things that sits with me, alongside how quick Eraqus is to point his Keyblade at one of his pupils. How he doesn't flinch, how his "forgive me, but you must exist no more" is just, flat, it's determined. Remorseless.
And then he thinks he'll have to kill Terra with Ventus, and he cries about it.
Eraqus... knows there is something wrong with Ven. He knows he's not naturally Pure Light. You don't create a cage for someone without having a suspicion that they need to be caged-- either for their own good, or for the good of everything else. It's upsetting and it sits hard because it is, in essence, why I can sit here and say "Eraqus kind of treated Ven like the sick puppy his ex got him for christmas".
Because if he always knew this, no matter how indulgent, and happy, and spoiled Ven might have been, all of that came with the understanding that one day, Ventus might have to be put down. Eraqus was prepared to put Ventus down, in a way he was not prepared to do to Terra.
That's heartbreaking.
Oh god, I didn't even realize that until you said it- I knew that Eraqus was trying to kill both Ventus and Terra for what he believed to be the greater good, but you're right! He was *prepared* to kill Ven, but he only started crying when he thought he'd have to kill Terra too, and... oh god, that hits even worse...
Do you think Eraqus knew on some level that he was only delaying the inevitable and that's why he was so mentally prepared to kill Ven? He didn't want to, he tried his best to prevent it, but Ven wouldn't be happy living in a cage forever...
It's all so fucked up! The more you look at Ven's story and the circumstances surrounding him it just gets more and more, augh... he never really got the chance to truly live, did he? One of the people he should have trusted the most always had an axe above his neck, ready to come down at any moment, but going outside meant he'd eventually get turned into the X-blade, a weapon and not himself...
Ven exemplifies something we see in this canon over and over and it is- every character is let down by the people who are supposed to be leaders and mentors. KH actually has a really bad relationship with the elder generation and how they affect the current generation in terms of like... them acknowledging these let downs, facing consequences for these let downs.
And for this particular tiny blond, he's got- a Master that ripped his Heart in half when he would not summon the X-blade for him, and then another Master who fully planned to keep him locked up in Departure for his whole life, and, upon failing to keep him locked up and ignorant, immediately decides killing him is the easier route than seeking to turn those consequences on the man who actually caused Ventus to become what he is.
I do think that Eraqus basically treated Ven like a coin flip. He wanted to believe so, so badly, that Ventus being sent to live with him was a genuine sign of remorse from his old friend. He wanted his friend back. Eraqus is a lonely, traumatised man who views the world through a very boxed lens of Light bias because of what he's been through and the amount of people he's lost and-- Ven was the chance that maybe he could get one of those people back.
And then, when it's proven that no, he did not actually get one of those people back... Ven suffers for it first. Eraqus aims his blade at the victim, because he's right there, an easy fix to stopping Xehanort from summoning the X-blade. Just. Kill the one you already knew you might have to kill anyway. Save the universe.
He gave Ven a good life. He was happy. It's just his time.
"He gave Ven a good life. He was happy. It's just his time." That's so... chilling to me, because that's exactly what Eraqus thought. Just so... callous about Ven's life. Ventus deserved a chance until it became too dangerous to keep him around, and then Eraqus could just... dispose of him, then pat himself on the back for saving the universe.
Nevermind the fact that Xehanort likely had backup plans for if Ven didn't work out. Taking care of Xehanort? The root of these issues, the only reason Ven might become a threat to the universe in the first place? Of course not, that's too hard, and Xehanort is his friend!
...It seemed that Eraqus cared more about Xehanort than he did Ventus, and honestly, probably more than he cared about Terra or Aqua either, huh.
I mean, with the way you described it- I'm sure that Eraqus cared about Ventus for his own sake at some level, but to be used as a coin flip for either bringing Xehanort back, or to just kill him? Sounds a little like Ventus was a pawn of some sort in Eraqus's mind too.
Attachment to the past, extreme attachment for what once was, at the expense of the living breathing people around you in the present.
Yeah yeah yeah you feel me you get me you feel me!!! This isn't about Eraqus not caring at all, this is about there having been an element to his relationship with Ven that inevitably allowed him to see Ventus as something he could sacrifice if (when) the need arose.
And look since I know Terra is your boy can I... can I just say that Eraqus also messed Terra up a bunch too. Not intentionally, and with so much love behind it, but as much as Eraqus was scared for Terra he was also scared of Terra. Of his Darkness.
Eraqus dealt with Terra's Darkness the way his Light rigidity told him to. Darkness is something to repress. Eliminate. We see it in the Mark of Mastery and we see it all throughout Terra's story; Terra sees the fact that he has Darkness as a weakness and proof that he is weak. He learned that somewhere.
He learned to be afraid of himself. To repress himself. Not accept himself. And it kind of backfired in an insane manner, the second Terra had another adult figure in his life that seemingly accepted and even praised him for all that he was. Unintentionally, with love, Eraqus shattered Terra's sense of self-worth until he was basically served to Xehanort on a silver platter.
You'd think Aqua was safe from this too but she's basically the prodigal student, she's inherited all of this. Aqua's biggest struggle is ripping herself out of everything Eraqus has taught that would allow her to hurt others, hurt Ven and Terra, exactly like that.
Was it all because Eraqus loved Xehanort more than them? No. But he didn't help.
"Since I know Terra is your boy-" What gave it away? :P
Anyways, yes! I am always thinking about how deeply Eraqus messed Terra up. Being scared for, and of Terra- that's such a succinct way of putting it! And then when Xehanort was seemingly not scared of Terra, and even saw his darkness as a strength, Terra latched on to the hint of a promise that he wasn't inherently dangerous, inherently *wrong*...
Of course Terra would! Of course Terra would be so easy to lead around! Because Eraqus was so hostile to a fundamental part of him! Because Eraqus didn't trust that Terra could be good, with his darkness, because of how Xehanort turned out with his.
AND YES EXACTLY AQUA WAS HARMED TOO! She doesn't want to hurt her friends, but everything she was taught would only continue to hurt Ven and Terra. I always get so emotional when I think about how Aqua is continuously pushing Terra and Ven away from her, and she only starts to actually help, when there's only the broken pieces of her friends left to try and gather up and keep safe, is after... Eraqus is dead. Is when the chain around her neck, of everything Eraqus taught her to be, is loosened.
The proof of Terra's darkness is staring at her in the face, and the first time she ever invokes the title of Master as something she is, is not to condemn or attempt to erase Terra, but to free Terra from Xehanort's control. She cares about Terra, above the light (it would be easier to just kill Terranort, killing both Terra and Xehanort simultaneously, but she doesn't want to do that!), something Eraqus could never fathom of doing.
If it's okay for me to contribute, the fact that Eraqus's inaction towards the root of the problem, Xehanort, and basically letting him do whatever he wants without a hint of scrutiny also harmed Vanitas?
Like what was mentioned earlier, Eraqus probably had at least an inkling that there was a dark half and that Ven's existence was no accident. He knew Xehanort was extremely suspicious, but ignored it and resigned himself to killing Ven if he feared the Xehanort was gonna use him to forge the X-Blade. If Eraqus had investigated, hadn't ignored the signs because he trusted Xehanort. Because Xehanort was his friend. Then Vanitas may not have had to be abused by Xehanort.
But then Eraqus might have just killed Vanitas right then and there. Would it matter that Vanitas- that Ventus never asked for that? That neither asked to be killed and then resurrected as Frankenstein's monsters? Because if you really think about it, regardless of all the UX true Darkness stuff, that's what Xehanort did. He shattered the original Ventus's heart, shifted through the shards, and created Ven and Vanitas with what was left over. Xehanort killed a kid, and when basically being given the kid's resurrected corpse Eraqus ignored all the red flags just to use Ven as a test to see if he can get his old friend back
I got extremely away from my original point, but Eraqus ignored the very concerning implications of Ven's existence and even made exceptions in his whole ideology for Xehanort (He couldn't accept Terra having a repressed darkness, yet Xehanort actively using his was just fine). I feel like there can be a parallel drawn to real life of people ignoring abuse because they don't want to believe their friend/sibling/cousin/spouse/etc. could do such a thing. Something something inaction harms more than just those around you or something.
None of the BbS characters who had Masters ever got a break.
Of course it's okay!
And that's another really good point too... Eraqus must have suspected than Ventus's other half was out there, but never made any attempts to find him...
And why would he? If Ventus is just a dog, then Vanitas- someone whos pure darkness instead of light, is something beneath even Ven- a bug, a parasite, something to be eleminated- oh. If Eraqus did care to seek Vanitas out he would have just killed him wouldn't he, like you said.
Would Eraqus have even cared if he found out Xehanort was abusing Vanitas, if he likely wouldn't even see Vanitas as a human being? Would he only care on account of Xehanort trying to create the X-blade through Vanitas?
As for the parallels... Terra really *is* the child that is left alone near an authority figure that has shown a lot of concerning behavior, that Eraqus just ignores because Xehanort is his friend :).
OnS: the Story of Vampire Michaela Novel Masterpost
SERAPH OF THE END: THE STORY OF VAMPIRE MICHAELA 1 (ĺ¸čĄéŹźăăŤă¨ăŠăŽçŠčŞďź) by Kagami Takaya [poster, cover+illustrations]
Prologue: Creed
Chapter 1: Mika and Yuu (Part 1 / Part 2)
Chapter 2: The Serial Killer (Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3)
Chapter 3: The Crusader Who Lost God (Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4)
Intermission: The Story That Follows Michaela (Part 1 / Part 2)
Afterword
SERAPH OF THE END: THE STORY OF VAMPIRE MICHAELA 2 (ĺ¸čĄéŹźăăŤă¨ăŠăŽçŠčŞďź) by Kagami Takaya [poster+cover]
Chapter 1: The Map of the Future (Part 1 / Part 2)
Chapter 2: Virtuous People, Scoundrels, andâŚ
Chapter 3: In Regards to Your Justice (Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5)
Chapter 4: Feridâs Battle
Epilogue:Â Mikaelaâs Story
Afterword
For questions about volume 3 first read THIS
This was quite sad
The poor machines were totally harmless
Is it me or 9S is a little bit different from the game! He used to be more like "sympathetic" with the machines, here he seems a bit too cold, he's not the kind of android to kill mercilessly. Even 2B seems a little stunned to see him like that
I felt the same!! They make him seem heartless :/ Also why did they switch his and 2Bs lines?? in the game he's the one who's troubled by Simone's memories and words and 2B reminds him / cuts him off that the "machines don't have emotions" .
But otherwise the boss fight was so awesome. I loved how tense the fight was.
2b defeated the Goliath so easily in ep 1. I died over 4 times in that prologue and she made it seem so easy T_T
hi sorry I'm very autistic and scrolling through here I need to explain this.
So they sorta made him more cold and sorta didn't. The thing is, he shows signs of this behavior a few times in the game, but its a lot more subdued. The only immediate example I can think of is how he treats Pascal and his village at first. An example being that he keeps suggesting violence despite their peaceful demeanor and gets accusatory towards Anemone when he discovers they've been trading with the enemy. Things like staying hostile towards the village for a moment when they're introduced, or coldly telling Pascal something along the lines of "your mouth can say whatever it wants, but you still don't have a heart." The only reason he doubts himself after Simone in the first game is just because of his ability to see into their thought processes more, but hes otherwise the one to consistently insist that they don't have emotions.
Sorry, this is all just a very long winded way to say
TLDR; 9S has been implied to always have this side to him in the game, but the anime was able to explore this side of his personality more thoroughly than the game does. This is not out of character for him. It is not more "cold" than he usually is. It is just an implied side of his personality that got to be explored more thoroughly.
better TLDR: 9S has always had this cruel side to him the anime just got to explore it more.
This was quite sad
The poor machines were totally harmless
Is it me or 9S is a little bit different from the game! He used to be more like "sympathetic" with the machines, here he seems a bit too cold, he's not the kind of android to kill mercilessly. Even 2B seems a little stunned to see him like that
I felt the same!! They make him seem heartless :/ Also why did they switch his and 2Bs lines?? in the game he's the one who's troubled by Simone's memories and words and 2B reminds him / cuts him off that the "machines don't have emotions" .
But otherwise the boss fight was so awesome. I loved how tense the fight was.
2b defeated the Goliath so easily in ep 1. I died over 4 times in that prologue and she made it seem so easy T_T
hi sorry I'm very autistic and scrolling through here I need to explain this.
So they sorta made him more cold and sorta didn't. The thing is, he shows signs of this behavior a few times in the game, but its a lot more subdued. The only immediate example I can think of is how he treats Pascal and his village at first. An example being that he keeps suggesting violence despite their peaceful demeanor and gets accusatory towards Anemone when he discovers they've been trading with the enemy. Things like staying hostile towards the village for a moment when they're introduced, or coldly telling Pascal something along the lines of "your mouth can say whatever it wants, but you still don't have a heart." The only reason he doubts himself after Simone in the first game is just because of his ability to see into their thought processes more, but hes otherwise the one to consistently insist that they don't have emotions.
Sorry, this is all just a very long winded way to say
TLDR; 9S has been implied to always have this side to him in the game, but the anime was able to explore this side of his personality more thoroughly than the game does. This is not out of character for him. It is not more "cold" than he usually is. It is just an implied side of his personality that got to be explored more thoroughly.

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So I just kept going after drawing Ven--
Got my brother into KHBBS and the best thing we've achieved is forming a storyline where Ventus has fallen into this Cult of Goofy and he's working to reach the highest rank in Goofy-hood. Throughout the whole game I guided him to getting the 'Faith' command and as if that wasn't enough he got 'Salvation' not long after.
Its been utterly hilarious and Ven is quickly on this way to becoming the Goofy Pope (the Gope, if you will), so he can eventually join Goofy in the realm of Godlyhood.
Hope doodle ~
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Forever mad that people hate characters like hope ff13 out of pocket, forever fucking seething. I've never not been able to see myself in characters like that, little kids who make bad choices and lash out in anger. But then all people will say is that he's a "little shit". Like fuck offffffffff with that actually.
Of course he reacts badly to vanille initially, she encourages him to go into a deathtrap, (shes done nothing wrong tho, perfect lesbian as she is) of course he's mad at snow, theyres no way a fucking 14 year old wouldnt just blame the nearest adult in a situation like that. (not snows fault tho, hes doin his best poor guy)
Of course he's upset because his mom just fucking died and then he was told he was gonna die essentially not long after. I think i can excuse him being a little fucking snappy with the other characters after his god damn life is ruined forever.
It's so pretentious dude god, like of course it was the right thing for him not to blame Snow, i loved it when he was finally getting along with him, but come on, he had so much grief and anger and nowhere to put it.
Really wish people had more sympathy for characters like him, people dont have to just think what i want, but god dude it makes me so mad.
Anyway Hope estheim is a good lad who deserves love, even when he's being a "little shit", bye.
Listen to this one Bastille - Icarus
Thank you for your attention :)
Iâve started this thing like 3 months ago while reading Son of Neptune. Now Iâve finished it with the end of Mark of Athena. I found I enjoy the books more and more.

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Zuko is Autistic
Since I made a post a while ago claiming that Zuko was autistic, some people have been asking for the âproof.â It seems fitting for me to provide said proof now, since itâs autism acceptance month. Iâm going to try to be as comprehensive as I can, but if anyone has anything to add, feel free to do so! That said, please do not come on here to tell me that Zuko is not autistic. This is my headcanon, and these are all the things about Zuko that I relate to as an autistic person.Â
Alright, buckle up, kids, because Zuko is autistic af and Iâm coming with all the receipts - and there are a lot of them.
Letâs start from the beginning. A lot of austistic people develop tactics early on that help us to âpassâ as allistic. When unsure of how to act in certain social situations, Zuko tends to mirror Azula. When he was younger, he was shown copying her sense of humor.Â
He threw a rock at a baby turtle duck and laughed, saying that this is how Azula feeds turtle ducks. Because Azula thought it was funny, he assumed his mom would think it was funny, too. It wasnât until Ursa asked, âWhy would you do that?â that Zuko even considered it might not be universally funny.Â
Zuko is shown laughing at things Azula thinks are funny more than once as a child. If Azula is not laughing directly at Zuko, he usually joins in on the laughter, even if he doesnât understand the joke.Â
Another time Zuko tried to copy Azula was after she demonstrated her skills to their grandfather, Fire Lord Azulon. Zuko immediately attempted to demonstrate his own skills, even though he was not prepared.Â
Another thing that some autistic people struggle with is fine motor skills. When Zuko tried to prove to his grandfather that he was as skilled as Azula, he tripped both times he attempted to fire bend. He has obviously improved since that moment, but it took him a long time to do that.Â
âYou have yet to master your basics. Drill it again.â
Zuko was at sea for three years with Iroh, seemingly doing nothing but training to get strong enough to capture the avatar. After three years, he was still working on his basics, as Iroh points out. Other benders have been shown to become masters much quicker than Zuko. Katara became a waterbending master after one episode. Aang mastered all four elements in the span of about a year. By the age of 12, Toph was already an earthbending master, and she taught herself. Zuko has had to work a lot harder than them to properly control his fine motor skills. It isnât until heâs mastered his basics that he is able to progress as a bender.Â
Since Ozai was obviously not the most supportive parent, Zuko may have had to figure out other ways to hide his autism.Â
Another tactic he used was to practice social interactions before they happened. In this scene, he is shown giving a practice performance to a frog:
âThe thing is, I have a lot of fire bending experience, and Iâm considered to be pretty good at it. Well, youâve seen me. You know, when I was attacking you?âÂ
Obviously, this practice session was necessary, because Zuko said plenty of things here that could have easily further escalated the situation.Â
Even while using tools like mirroring or practicing social interaction, we all have moments where things might just feel a little off to allistic people.Â
Empathy
A lot of autistic people feel empathy differently than allistic people. Some of us might not feel empathy, some might experience hyper empathy, and some might just have a hard time expressing empathy. I suspect Zuko is leaning towards low empathy, or has trouble expressing empathy.Â
Exhibit A:Â
âMy first girlfriend turned into the moon.â
âThatâs rough, buddy.âÂ
Notice how Zuko found it easier to talk about himself. He answered Sokkaâs questions about Mai, and the conversation was moving along smoothly. It wasnât until Sokka shared personal information about himself that Zuko seemed to be out of words.Â
Exhibit B:
Toph just told Zuko that her parents gave her everything she ever asked for, but not the one thing she really wanted: their love.Â
Zuko spends half of this conversation looking the other way. When he does look at her, notice his expression. He probably has no idea why she is telling him this, so he doesnât know how to respond. And on top of that, he was under the impression that they were supposed to be looking for Aang.Â
A lot of autistic people have what you might call a one track mind (which Iâll get more into later). Itâs hard for us to switch focus from one thing to another.Â
Toph wanted to partner with Zuko because she wanted a life changing field trip, but Zuko just wanted to find Aang. He was able to have âlife changing field tripsâ with Aang, Katara, and Sokka because he was actively focused on helping them with their specific problems. He had time to mentally prepare to help them. There was careful planning involved in each of those missions. He canât help Toph in this moment, because her problem is conflicting with the problem they already have: finding Aang.
In both of the examples above, Zuko acknowledges the hardships that Sokka and Toph went through. âThatâs rough buddyâ and âI know you had a rough childhood.â This may be his way of trying to show compassion, even though it might come across as cold.Â
Zuko takes things at face value
Catching things like sarcasm, body language, metaphors, and âreading between the linesâ can be difficult for autistic people. This also gives us a reputation for being gullible, because it can be difficult to tell when someone is lying without being able to read the cues.Â
The first and most obvious example of this is what Zukoâs entire arc revolves around:Â
Capturing the Avatar
Ozai had just fought his own son, a 13 year old, in an Agni Kai. He burned Zukoâs face, intentionally causing permanent damage, and then banished him. All of this because Zuko spoke out of turn. At the time that Zuko was banished, the Avatar hadnât been spotted for over 100 years.Â
Knowing all of that, it seems likely to me that Ozai was being cruel and sarcastic when he said that Zuko could come back after capturing the Avatar. It would be like saying âwhen pigs fly,â since at that point the Avatar was thought to have been gone forever.Â
Iroh, of course, knows this. Thatâs why in the beginning of the series, he kept reminding Zuko that the Avatar had not been seen in 100 years. He didnât want Zuko to get his hopes up. Zuko, however, spends every minute for three years training to fight the avatar, and the second he sees something out of the ordinary, he automatically assumes that it is the the avatarâs doing. Itâs kind of a miracle that he was right.
Capturing the Avatar = restoring honor. This is an example of both taking what his father told him as fact, and seeing things as black and white, which is also commonly associated with autism. Ozai told Zuko that capturing the avatar would restore his honor, so Zuko became obsessed with finding and capturing Aang. He truly believed that doing so was the only way to restore his honor and return home. It took Zuko years to realize that he could restore his honor in a different way than what his father told him.Â
He automatically believes Azula when she says he can come home
âFather regrets?â
It had been three years since heâd seen Azula, and he immediately took what she said at face value. He is excited to be going home, and he is frustrated with Iroh for being skeptical. When Iroh points out that he has never known Ozai to regret anything, Zuko says âdid you even listen to Azula?âÂ
Zuko takes what Azula says as fact, just like he has always done. This is why, as a child, he had to constantly tell himself, âAzula always lies,â because she probably had a habit of fooling Zuko. But now that it has been so long, without the constant reminder that Azula always lies, she takes advantage of the fact that Zuko trusts her so easily, and he falls for her lies once again.
He doesnât catch on to Jinâs body language
In the episode âThe Tales of Ba Sing Se,â Zuko meets a girl named Jin. He immediately is threatened by her, because she keeps looking at him (eye contact is another thing that can be a challenge for autistic people). He assumes she knows they are fire nation. Despite the fact that he has seen her constantly smiling at him, he is completely surprised when he finds out she has a crush on him.
When Jin asks Zuko on a date, he shows up looking like this:
I think most people would catch on that this is Not A Good Look. But when Jin messes up his hair, Zuko gets frustrated. He says, âIt took my uncle ten minutes to do my hair!âÂ
So, Iroh told him this was a good hairstyle, and Zuko trusts Iroh, so he took his word as truth, and went along with it.Â
Later on in the date, Jin tries to kiss Zuko. Just before their lips touch, he holds a coupon in front of her face, exclaiming that he brought her a gift.
Zuko likes Jin. He risked a lot to light up the fountain for her. We know he wanted to kiss her, because when she kissed him later, he let her, and he even kissed her back for a moment before he bolted. But in this moment here, he missed the signs that said she was about to kiss him (the hand holding, Jin closing her eyes, leaning forward, etc), so he moved the conversation along in a way that he felt was natural, by giving her a gift.Â
He doesnât realize that Sokka and Suki want time alone
Zuko runs into Suki when heâs about to go into Sokkaâs tent. Sheâs clearly embarrassed, but Zuko doesnât catch on.
âSorry, do you need to talk to Sokka, too?â
Suki says no, so Zuko enters Sokkaâs tent, to find Sokka like this:
There are roses everywhere, candles are lit, Sokkaâs hair is down, heâs posing. Sokka was waiting for Suki to arrive, not Zuko.Â
But Zuko doesnât catch on to that, either, so he sits right down and asks Sokka for advice, totally oblivious to what was supposed to be going down.Â
He canât explain what is âoffâ about Azula
A lot of autistic people have trouble recognizing patterns. Zuko has known Azula his whole life. He knows what her hair usually looks like. He knows what her makeup usually looks like. She doesnât usually have dark circles under her eyes. She usually has better posture. I could go on.Â
Azula challenged Zuko to an Agni Kai looking like this:
âI canât explain it, but thereâs something off about her.â
This is something I struggle with, too. If my mom dyes her hair, I can tell something is different, but it may take me a few days to figure out exactly what has changed. I think this is what was going on with Zuko here. He knows something is up, but he canât immediately recognize that Azula has cut her own hair poorly, or that her makeup is different because she did it herself, or that she has dark circles under her eyes, or weird posture, etc.Â
Sensory issuesÂ
Sensory issues are also associated with autism. This can manifest in sensory overload and strong reactions to physical contact, among other things.
One way Iâve learned to avoid or come down from sensory overload is to self-isolate and meditate, which is something Zuko does very often. This can also be a way to recharge spoons or mentally prepare for something that might be exhausting. Â
This explains why Zuko would react so strongly when someone interrupts his alone time. He needs that time to prepare for every other moment in the day. When this time is interrupted, he lashes out, and has trouble containing his emotions.
Physical contact
Zuko doesnât always seem to know how to react to physical contact and affection. He reacts negatively if he isnât prepared, or if he isnât comfortable with the person. Even if he genuinely likes the person who is touching him (Jin, Iroh, Toph, Katara, etc), he still doesnât seem to know what to do.Â
If Zuko is comfortable with the person who hugs him, he allows them to do so, but he still almost always looks flustered. He doesnât always hug back, and when he does, it sometimes takes him a moment to process that heâs being hugged before he is able to return the gesture.
Difficulty Changing Plans
As I mentioned before, autistic people sometimes have a one-track mind. We may have difficulty changing plans, and may tend to see things as black and white, with no gray areas. All of these things describe Zuko to a T.Â
Zuko tends to get frustrated over any change of plans, but thereâs one example Iâd like to focus on.
Letâs talk about that angst coma. You know, that time Zuko got physically ill after he did something that completely altered the course of his life?Â
Thatâs the one. The thing is, change is hard. And it can be especially hard for autistic people. Zuko spent the last few years working towards one thing, and one thing only: capturing the avatar. Then, in one day, everything changed. He made a decision to free Appa, which was completely counter to what he has been working towards this entire time.Â
Iâve had âangst comasâ before, and I know other autistic people who have had similar experiences. Sometimes you really do just need a few days in bed to recuperate and adjust to big changes.Â
some side notes that are worth mentioning:
Zuko takes Irohâs metaphors literally
He repeats Irohâs metaphors without understanding them, and they come across differently
It took him a minute to realize when Aang insulted him, because the insult was dressed up like a complement. âHey, that was actually pretty smart of you.â Zukoâs first reaction is to smile proudly at the praise.Â
That scene when Aang wants to sit by Katara (bc he likes her) and Zuko is all, âI donât get it, whatâs the big deal? Just sit next to me.â
He saved Irohâs smelly sandal when he was separated from him
He has a special interest in dao swords
Inaccurate self image (in his imagination he pictured himself without his scar)
He replays memories in his head of times when he thinks he may have said the wrong thing
He has meltdowns when things donât go as he plans.Â
He sometimes messes up jokes when heâs trying to be funny
He paces back and forth a lot, perhaps as a way to stim
In conclusion Zuko is autistic af. I rest my case.
[Images are screencaps of Zuko from the described scenes]
it really bothers me that so many people on this site treat ableism like itâs black and white.
just now i saw a post where op was like âiâm glad that spinners are popular because it normalizes fidgets and decreases stigmaâ and someone replied like âno!! itâs absolutely TERRIBLE that neurotypicals are using these fidgets because when they get in trouble they make things harder for mentally ill kids!!â and like you guys do realize that? youâre both right? it isnât a decisive fact that neurotypicals using fidgets is either good or bad, there are both benefits and consequences that need to be taken into consideration.
a few months ago there was a post going around that was like, *neurotypical voice* why are you bouncing your leg, and somebody reblogged it saying that the post was ableist because autistic kids can get overstimulated by leg bouncing. i go to a school for the mentally disabled, and iâve been in this exact scenario, my classmate wasnât able to focus because i was bouncing my leg and although i felt bad i told him that i wouldnât be able to stop for long because i do it subconsciously due to my adhd. he wasnât being ableist for asking me to stop, and i wasnât being ableist for saying i couldnât, we just both had different needs. in the end, our compromise was that i went to work in the computer lab.
you have to understand that there is always more than one side to issues like these, and that we should be striving for understanding and balance over demonization of one side and blind support of the other. this is especially relevant when people on both sides are mentally ill or disabled, because sometimes symptoms will clash and you just need to deal with it.
can everyone on this site just please. read this last paragraph a few times. this is a great anecdote to express this. black and white thinking is bad.
Conflicting access needs are real and we canât get rid of them only communicate and work around them