i have been having a lot of very stimulating thoughts in regards to how i connect with other people and my relationship to physical intimacy and the more i accept that i really am autistic it's all coming together and making so much sense
i struggle a lot with making connections. communication is hard and i always have to think about everything i say, my tone and body language, in order to make sure things come across right. and i have to constantly negotiate my needs and the other person's. it's not often that a connection happens naturally or on its own, i usually have to actually work at it.
but then here's this comparatively simple way to connect, through each other's bodies - here's these body parts right, that are made to feel good when we slot them together and trust each other and it's almost like a collaborative effort or a game to help each other feel as good as we want. it's a space where societal conventions about self control and tone of voice and body language are weakened or left aside. and the physiological reactions at least require no interpretation, i don't really have to guess. at least not with my partner. is it any wonder sex is so regulating and fulfilling and joyful to me? when you put all the information together, no, not really.
and im sure part of this is being disabled and the need to be desired, which stems from often feeling unwanted or like a burden, but i think at the core of that desire is that craving for real connections i don't have to work so hard cognitively in order to make and sustain
amandla
andulkaphoto
ellievsbear
titsay
theartofmadeline
pixelskylines
snowghoul
