Pran where are you?! (Pat's thoughts)
It was like a dream. Sweet dream with Pran where we were only us. No one was with us to interrupt and steel our happiness. Waking up beside to him and cuddling so hard that our skins melting to each other. Smelling every scent of his body. Love his smell it reminds me of home but only I feel in home whenever I am with him. His smile which was brightening whole my heart. How his skin moving while smiling. Everything was in slow motion. How light breeze was mixing his hair and how hard he was trying to look good even with disheveled hair.
Cooking for him even though I am not good at it. Drinking beer until we start singing and dancing again. Every inch of his face, eyes,nose and my favorite dimples, everything is mine. Those small dimples which makes him even more attractive. I love that Pran knows how important he is for me. I can stare at him all my life, while sleeping; eating or being mad about something. How he organises his belongings with color, strength and materials.
He was reason why I was moving and doing anything. Pran was encouraging me to were better and it made my life valuable. He is the reason of my living. We are born for each other to fill missing parts in our lives. No one can be like him. Melody which always is in my mind and never vanishes.
But somehow all of that suddenly disappeared. All smell, melody and even shadow of him. How did our relationship ended this fast. I was just enjoying watching him being beside me. I am trying to walk on slim rope neither Front nor behind of me is any hope. Only under my feet is solution but even that isn't right choice. I saw Pran standing end of the rope but it's just hallucination of him. I know that but I want to wake up from this horrible nightmare. All those sweet memories Are still with me and didn't vanished. Future which we were planning and house decorations we were preparing to live together forever.
I can't move. I can't breath even though there's so much air around me. I lost reason of my living but how sudden did it happened. My heart and soul is ripped in million pieces and only Pran can put them together while I am unconscious from sadness. The tshirt I have left from him smells like him but I want to hug him and never let him go. It I can't and it kills me.
Scent and smile of his, missing so much like Moon misses Sun. Pran was lighting in the darkness. I should be strong for him. I have to bring him back and make him happy for our lives. Numbness is feeling my mind and I don't know where I am. I want to run and hug him but I have neither legs not hands.
How many things we went through together and we have to say goodbye. I know I have let you go but I can't. I know you want to have good relationship with your parents but I promise you, We will show them how strong our love is and they will expect us.
We have to try it together and Only we can do it. As long as we have each other we will go through more. You have to trust me. I would do anything for you to be happy and saw huge smile on your face.
I will say million times:
Smile for me , are you Okay? 💚❤️
Because only you and I know the Meaning between the lines ❤️💚
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