I’d love to hear your thoughts or analysis on why An*dala is toxic.
I feel the same way, especially considering how the story begins with Anakin having strange interactions with Padmé—idealizing her as "his angel"—and how he insists on getting too close even after she tells him "no" at least three times.
But I feel there are many other problematic aspects to the relationship.
So, I’d love to hear your take, since it’s not very common to find posts discussing the toxicity of the An*dala relationship.
My first ask! (very long incoming)
So I think the main, glaring problem with their relationship is that they aren't truly in love. They're using each other as coping mechanisms, which is entirely unhealthy on both sides. Let's start with how Anakin feels about Padme.
Now, here's where we may differ in opinion- their relationship in The Phantom Menace wasn't toxic. It was a normal interaction of a young child having an innocent crush on an older teen, and the teen not entirely knowing how to respond. Anakin's initial feelings toward Padme were an innocent fascination.
Now, normally a childhood crush dies out after a while. I fully believe this would have happened if it wasn't for all the change Ani was going through. Padme was a source of stability, a rock in very turbulent waters. She came to represent all the good, stable, steady things in his life- this only increased in AotC. He wasn't in love with her- he was attached to the feeling of safety she brought. The difference between love and attachment is that attachment is for your own gain- treating someone well or spending time with them because they make *you* happy, or because *you* feel better around them. Love is selfless, it looks outward only to the other person's happiness.
So essentially, Anakin idolized and idealized Padme to the point of unhealthy attachment and possessiveness.
Padme has always felt responsible for Anakin- in more of a sisterly way than anything. She knows that she's one of the only things keeping him stable, and instead of trying to stop that, she sticks around out of guilt. She wants to protect him, so she convinced herself she was in love and married him. It's important to realize that she doesn't know this: she believes she is in love because she has gaslit herself into thinking it. She loves him as an older sister would, and he can't accept that. So she doesn't either. She spoils him by breaking every boundary she ever set, and placates his anger by letting him do what he wishes. This doesn't stop her political activism- I do believe she was always a well-intentioned character. However, she nearly always chooses Anakin over her duty (to the point of unfair bias in court matters and military assignments).
Padme would feel even guiltier if she confronted that she was only trying to protect Anakin (as opposed to loving him as a wife), so she constantly tries to convince herself that she's in love by reaching out and asking for more. Really what she wants is stability, and she tries to plaster a fake normalcy over top her secret relationship. We can't ignore that she's at her best apart from him- when she's working as a diplomat or anything. Anakin is holding her back in a lot of ways, and she’s staying there out of fear and guilt.
In RoTS, when their relationship ends, something happens. The Anakin she always feared is standing in front of her, angry and dark. The Anakin she tried to prevent. Sue can finally see what was there all along, the monster lying in wait that she helped create- but she doesn't. She sees that little boy she met on Tatooine. She sees a broken and hurting child who she couldn't lie well enough to save. She sees someone who has always been her little brother, her ward, her friend. And all Anakin can see is his stability falling apart.
This is why Leia, with all the fierceness of her father, couldn't save him. Why Obi-Wan, who Anakin shoved into a paternal position he wasn't ready for, couldn't redeem him. This is why Ahsoka, who Anakin never truly believed would be strong enough without him, couldn't convince him to turn. Only Luke, with Padme's protective idealism, Qui-Gon's understanding, and Shmi Skywalker's unconditional love, could bring back his father. Anakin, at every stage of his life, would have left Vader to die. It took someone better to save him.
In essence, Anakin was attached to Padme and Padme was scared of what would happen if she let go. They were both very flawed, and that's what makes Star Wars a beautiful story. I believe they could have been happy together- but not as lovers. As friends, perhaps.
Okay that was very long and dramatic imma go eat ice cream
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