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This is brought on by the Rum & Monkey Elvish Name Generator.

I hate people who know nothing about the Elvish language and try to make these cutesy “tests”. I’m not trying to ruin everyone’s fun, but at the same time, let’s remember that Grelvish started out as fun, too – and look what happened. Not to toot my own horn, but it’s taken me a year to talk my friends into not using Grelvish in their fics. I’d rather not have to spend more time undoing the damage if people start using things like this to get names for OCs.

First of all, Elves don’t have last names. I’ve had to explain this to a couple of people over time, most recently when someone asked for Erestor’s last name, saying that because of Elrond Peredhil (sic) and Arwen Undomiel, she “knew” that Elves had them.

Those aren’t last names; they are honorifics. They are additional titles that those Elves have either been given or have taken on. Peredhel means “Half-Elf”. Elrond was called ‘Elrond Half-Elven’ in the books, and people have translated that into 'Elrond Peredhel’ or, incorrectly, as 'Elrond Peredhil’ (which gives him MPD, since Peredhil means “Half-Elves”). And in the case of Arwen, 'Undómiel’ is an adapted Quenyan word, literally 'evening star’ or 'evenstar’. She was given this name because she was the last of the line of Finwë and represented the twilight of the Elves in Middle-Earth.

The closest that Elves – male Elves, at least – have to last names is the name of their father with the appendation 'ion’ meaning “son”. Therefore, we have Legolas Thranduilion (son of Thranduil) and Gildor Inglorion (son of Inglor).

Secondly, you can’t just stick words together and hope to come up with something meaningful. There are grammatical rules that can change the initial consonants of words as well as internal vowels in some cases.

Let me show you a few examples of why this annoys me so much. These are all actual names that I got out of this generator.

Mordilwen Glorelleth

Literally translated, this is nonsense. There are accent marks that are missing. Even assuming that this was Môrdîlwen Glorelleth, that means “Dark-Stopper Light-Elf” with female endings on both words. Each of these individually would probably be okay, but stuck together and with no accent marks, it becomes redundant gibberish.

Galadrian Nimlothwen

“Golden-Queen White-Flowers”. Nimloth was an actual name used by a canon Elf and did not require a feminine ending. Galadrian… okay, sure. It’s a combination of Galadriel and Celebrían, and should have the accent over the i, but whatever.

Let’s try some male names:

Bragolhen Avornion “Sudden-Child Fast-Son”. Okay, come on! That’s just crap!

Saerdil Laerdan “Bitter Songwright”. “-dil” in this case is a male ending, so it doesn’t need the accent as in the first name. But still, this is just a silly name.

And, just to be goofy, some famous names:

George W. Bush ==> Galenorn Golwen “Light-of-the-Tree Wise”. Apparently, his Elven name is just as incoherent as his speeches.

Martha Stewart ==> Amarthiel Nimlothwen Best translation for this is “Doom of White Flowers”, which is probably the first appropriate name that I’ve seen out of this thing.

Arnold Schwartzenegger ==> Sarnindë Carandir “Fragile-Stone Red-Man”. What is wrong with this one is that the first word, Sarnindë, is Quenya, while the other word is Sindarin! This thing even mixes languages!

Side Rant

The above is the same reason that I throw a fit when I see people using Silindë in fics – this is a Quenya word and should not be used to name an Elf in Middle-Earth, especially one from Greenwood! Even the Elves who were around when Quenya was spoken changed their names when they returned to Middle-Earth where Sindarin was the primary language. Feanáro became Fëanor, Findekáno became Fingon, Curufinwë became Curufin, and so on. The Elves either translated or transliterated their Quenya names into Sindarin, or else chose completely new names, as in the case of Galadriel (formerly Artanis, “noble woman”).

But, anyway, to wrap up this whole rant – Elvish names are very important and special. When you read Tolkien’s works, he states again and again that the Elves were prophetic. All of them had a measure of foresight. The names that were given to Elves were always given with that foresight in mind.

Humans give names because they sound nice or they go with the last name or they are unlikely to have the kid get his ass kicked in school by his peers. Elves are different than us. The names they gave their children meant something and served to shape that child’s life. Lindir would never have been a shipbuilder any more than Círdan would have written songs. Erestor is no more a warrior than Ecthelion is a scholar. You would never have found Legolas by the sea, nor Galdor in Mirkwood. Names have power among the Elves, which is why they had so many and were never (save for Legolas and Rúmil) repeated. (Note: Haldir, Gildor, and Ecthelion both appear twice, but in all cases, only one was an Elf.) Rúmil is an exception because the Rúmil of Lórien was named by the Nandor, who would never have known about Rúmil of Tirion, so that’s excusable. Legolas is an exception because Legolas of Mirkwood was (IMO, intentionally) very much like Legolas of Gondolin in character and skill. And furthermore, one could use the same excuse as for Rúmil, since Gondolin was a hidden city, so it is not too far of a stretch to say that Thranduil, a Sinda, would not have known of Legolas of Gondolin when naming his son 3000 years later.

This was not meant to say “Don’t believe this site when it gives you a name!” or anything like that. I know that most people are only looking at this as a goofy little generator. This rant about names in general has been rattling around in my head for a while, and this is just what sparked it into fruition. There is a way to translate human names into Sindarin – it involves a little research into the deeper meaning of the name, and then translating that into Sindarin.

For instance, the name “Roger” can mean either “spearman” or “quiet” depending on the derivation, so could be translated as “Echadan” or “Dínedir” depending on the trait you wanted to emphasize.

Some other random ones: Emily ==> eager ==> mara ==> Mara Michael ==> like God ==> be Eru ==> Beru Ethan ==> firm ==> thala ==> Thaladir Ashley ==> from the ash tree ==> uin lithorn ==> Uinlithorn Ellie ==> light ==> calad ==> Caladiel Nathaniel ==> gift of God ==> ant Eru ==> Anteru … and so on.

you have to be kinder to people who are slow processors.

you have to be kinder to people who don't understand your jokes.

you have to be kinder to people who forget important dates.

you have to be kinder to people with cognitive decline.

you have to be kinder to people who were always this way, too.

…

actually typing out emoticons like XD and :D and :V never should have gone out of fashion and you can pry them out of my cold dead hands okay I know emojis are fun but THEY DON’T CAPTURE THE EMOTION IN THE SAME WAY

so like

:P

^_^

:3

^u^

:/

O.o

0.0

>:/

>_>

Especially alternating to really capture how boggled you are.

O.o

o.O

:3c

>:3c

OF7o

òwó

ú_ù

n_n

owo

oTL

TTwTT

83

8U

>8U

>8Oc

>////<

>////>

(-^_^-)

( 6w6;;;)

( > ^ <;;)

=(^w^)=

\o/

✧⁠◝⁠(⁠⁰⁠▿⁠⁰⁠)⁠◜⁠✧

(⁠ ⁠˘⁠ ⁠³⁠˘⁠)⁠♥

(⁠ ⁠T⁠_⁠T⁠)⁠＼⁠(⁠^⁠-⁠^⁠ ⁠)

ʕ⁠ ⁠º⁠ ⁠ᴥ⁠ ⁠º⁠ʔ

〜⁠(⁠꒪⁠꒳⁠꒪⁠)⁠〜

ʕ⁠ノ⁠•⁠ᴥ⁠•⁠ʔ⁠ノ⁠ ⁠︵⁠ ⁠┻⁠━⁠┻

ಠ⁠_⁠ಠ

with just a quick little tap

you can pry good old fashioned emoticons from my cold, dead hands

(and even then it’s gonna be a struggle)

Justice!

Freedom!

…reasonably priced love!

…and maybe a hardboiled egg?

Is that too much to ask?

these were the rejected ones

This is hard for me to remember on a minute-by-minute basis, but when I visit insta/threads/twitter/tiktok/googlenews/etc, I am seeing a feed of information that does not reflect a complicated and multivalent reality but instead was created by an algorithm designed to maximize the amount of time that I spend on social media sites.

These algorithms do not give a shit what is true or useful or humane; they want me in bed spending as much time on those feeds as they can possibly get me to spend.

For example, if your information feed fails to remind you that global literacy rates have never been higher, that fewer children are stunted due to malnutrition, and that the rate of child mortality is the lowest it has been in human history ... there is something inadequate about your information feed.

But of course the fact that the world used to suck more doesn't negate the fact that the world still sucks (and in important ways sucks more than it did ten or thirty years ago). Injustice permeates every facet of human-built systems and social orders. This should dishearten us. It should anger us. But the proper response to this anger, imo, is not idle despair but engagement.

Progress happens (and it does happen) when hundreds of millions or billions of people work together to make it happen. We reduced the likelihood of a child dying by 65% over the last 30 years not because it was inevitable or ordinary but because hundreds of millions of people refused to accept so much needless suffering and built more inclusive systems to expand access to healthcare, clean water, and adequate nutrition.