Nicole's Playground of Thoughts & Dreams

So with the best intentions I posted my first painting in over 10 years and went on to my next, a diptych celebrating my love for Cottonwood trees in Albuquerque but I failed to sing it’s praises. I need to really stop getting distracted and love this gift of mine. Fortunately the slightest change in the weather, aka monsoon season in NM reminded me that this changing of seasons will soon happen so it’s time to yet again fall in love with fall. More paintings will be posted and yes, some drawings too. Yes, it was painted upside down on the easel and reversed on the wall. Enjoy! #painting #abstractart #oilpainting #nmtrue #cottonwood #selflove #keepdoingthestuff (at Albequerque, New Meico) https://www.instagram.com/p/CTLeJkXjgoP/?utm_medium=tumblr

A Birthday Message to self: "I no longer run from the depth of my soul. I embrace myself for who I am allowing myself to be, who I am meant to be. Everything and everyone that is not on the same wavelength is meant to go for now. I welcome the energies that are matching my vibration." ~ Lukas Notes #moonomens #happybirthday #notetoself #selfcompassion #bekindtoyourselftoo❤️ (at Albequerque, New Meico) https://www.instagram.com/p/CM08DtiJ1Js/?igshid=1jx2hhmge0gpv

The question is what did you do with your summer of COVID? Which reminds me of the “Other than that, how was the play, Mrs. Lincoln” joke. And the truth is if you got through a global pandemic then that’s Enough! Truly. At the same time, I did restart somethings after many years and a whole lot of angst-drawing and painting. But I didn’t share the results except to those closest to me. But it dawned on me today that yet again, I was keeping with some weird attachment, unavailable emotionally parent feeling around my art by not happily celebrating and sharing it. I really enjoy #muaythai and have spent a lot time sharing that journey but art always has been and quite possibly always will have a special place in my heart in one way or another. But it has been such a rocky and painful relationship until recently that old habits of avoidance persist. If COVID has shined a light on anything I hope it’s this for you. Be kind and love yourself-all lumpy, bumpy, hidden, glorious parts. Leave no part of you behind since this road is so short. Love the difficult parts of yourself as much or more than the easy parts. So after over a decade of not painting, here’s my first, not to be my last. Not bad if I do say so myself. As my motto states, “Lean In”. #painting #art #attachmenttheory #loveyourself #bebrave #leanin #giveyourselfabreak #covid_19 #itsokaytostartover (at Albequerque, New Meico) https://www.instagram.com/p/CLnlszXp4ha/?igshid=1p3y5ifqksruz

#privilege I speak a lot to #whiteprivilege but I want to express what a privilege it is to vote. So many in this world can’t even feed and shelter themselves and their families Nor are the safe in any way so it’s impossible for them to even consider being able to express their political opinions by way of voting. I gave deep #gratitude as I dropped off my ballot because I live in the land of privilege. No matter your politics I will forever support your right to vote. I hope in these difficult times of fractured communication that we don’t forget that deep down we are all in #relationship to one another. Working towards a common ground. Exercise your rights! Vote, y’all. #vote #vote2020 #votenewmexico #privilege #allinthistogether #blessed #gratitude (at Albuquerque, New Mexico) https://www.instagram.com/p/CGktSZBJBf5/?igshid=de0fn3nnb9v2

Tonight we celebrate such an amazing woman. Her life, her guidance, her love of ALL as equals in our society. Tomorrow we get to work! She’s pointed the way, we walk the Path. Thank for your service. #restinpower #restingrace #heroesweardresses #fighterforjusticeandequality (at Albuquerque, New Mexico) https://www.instagram.com/p/CFTR20vJ9fx/?igshid=1bndla41udala

Gracias @liladowns !! Such a lovely journey through her honoring #oaxaca The music, the history, the languages, the food, and the people. Such beautiful people. Such a beautiful spirit and Amazing music! Gracias, gracias, mucho gracias 🙏🏽🙏🏽 #liladowns #mexico🇲🇽 #oaxaca #music #food #chocolate #folkmusic #culture #gratefulthankfulblessed (at Albuquerque, New Mexico) https://www.instagram.com/p/CCMa9KcJnX8/?igshid=1bvrtez231l62

This isn’t a post about my run today. My time. How far I went. None of that. This is a post about what I thought about as I ran. My #whiteprivilege Yes. #whiteprivilege I can run anywhere, almost anytime, into peoples yards, stop to look at a house, and NEVER have I been stopped nor questioned not even looked at sideways. In Colorado I’d be out at 5am in the pitch dark training and yet I’ve never been stopped or had the police called on me nor hunted down by two angry white men RIP #ahmaudarbery I wondered as I ran who would open their door to me if I was being chased? Would they do the same if I was Black-not likely. If I was Latinx-maybe in this state. Colorado-not likely. This simple activity that I’ve pursued over the years is just one of many I take for granted. Unpacking #whiteprivilege and #racism is very uncomfortable but how else do we grow if we don’t struggle? No One. And I mean, absolutely, No One in this country should be endanger by doing what humankind is given to do, run or walk. Thank you @tayorockson for your daily cues to explore #talkaboutbias I continue to #learn #grow #experience #unpackracism #whiteprivilege #ahmaudarbery #georgefloyd #breonnataylor #wecandobetter #blacklivesmatter #pocmatter (at Albuquerque, New Mexico) https://www.instagram.com/p/CBRe4k6pGCb/?igshid=f243p57tndht

On May 25th,#georgefloyd walked into a convenience store to buy cigarettes with a $20 bill. This is a $20 I have in my wallet. On day 3 of #letstalkbias by @tayorockson we were asked to look at #whitesupremacy Here’s what I know. If I had gone into Any store in my town my money would not have been checked to see if it’s fraudulent because I’m white. I’ve handed over $100 which are by law supposed to be tested & they haven’t been. #whiteprivilege If by the off chance they suspected I was passing counterfeit & IF they had called the police-which is highly unlikely that they would have, again because I’m white & the assumption is I’m not a criminal #whiteprivilege (39% of money laundering is committed by whites-look it up) The police would’ve arrived & CALMLY spoken to me. They would assume I had gotten the money elsewhere & not that I was a criminal. Why? #whiteprivilege again. They wouldn’t have dragged me out my car. They would’ve ASKED me politely to get out of my car. They would’ve ASKED me nicely to go downtown #whiteprivilege During his arrest #georgefloyd was trying to cooperate but said he was claustrophobic. How many of you have actually seen the back of a cops car? If you haven’t,check your #whiteprivilege It’s Very restrictive. It’s very easy to see in a “fight, flight, or freeze” situation that anyone would have a panic attack. It’s again, Very unlikely that I would’ve been handcuffed #whiteprivilege and if I had been, it would’ve been in front & not the back. You if can’t see the difference in the two positions, take a second & put your hands in front together & then hands behind your back. Feel the difference? They wouldn’t have taken my phone. They would’ve let me lock up my car. And it’s very unlikely they would’ve put me in general lock up. More Likely in a room to meet with detectives. #georgefloyd was dead in less than 25 minutes from the time he purchased cigarettes with what is assumed to be a counterfeit $20. I can promise you that unless I pulled a gun on a police officer that there is NO situation that I can envision that would lead to my death. THIS IS #whitesupremacy I am assumed I’m not criminal by a system that is created for whites. (at Albequerque, New Meico) https://www.instagram.com/p/CBBXa4NpSAc/?igshid=13r139qfojjgg

As promised, further resources from @mireillecharper and guidance on how to be better allies in this time. It’s not about one issue. It’s about dismantling an entire system so everyone can be safe and participate equally. #blacklivesmatter #pocmatter #blm #allyship #resources #wecandothis #bethechange #startwithself #courage (at Albequerque, New Meico) https://www.instagram.com/p/CA-9r5Rp5ZA/?igshid=1fhsk0x5zmthb

This needs no explanation....keeping this one my page so anyone can reference it for what is #whiteprivilege #blacklivesmatter #pocmatter (at Albequerque, New Meico) https://www.instagram.com/p/CA-zpBGpmxU/?igshid=17w0qgw310ii4

On day one of #letstalkbias by @tayorockson I sat with his questions of where I might have bias and how it might affect both my interactions with others but also myself. I went on to my morning routine of mediating by going to @insighttimer On that day I saw how on their main page there weren’t very many faces of color as teachers. During #blackawarenessmonth they had offered many teachers and meditations but things were back to “normal” It then dawned on me to check my bias and looked who I had selected to followed as teachers....seems I have a strong bias on who I consider as a teacher-only 3 teachers were either Black or POC. I just sat with my bias and realized how I was self selecting on what I perceived as a “good teacher”. I also realized that if I wished to explore Black and POC as teachers there wasn’t a good way to search the site. Apparently someone @insighttimer realized the same thing and now they are offering a tab you can select to try some guided meditations. But again, that’s not enough! To follow a teacher is to give them support financially but also change the algorithm of the app to present Blacks and POC as teachers. Thank you @tayorockson for this wonderful opportunity to explore bias! 🙏🏽🙏🏽 #tayorockson #letstalkbias #blacklivesmatter #whiteprivilege #awareness #growthisaprocess #wecandothis #teacherscomewhenthestudentisready (at Albequerque, New Meico) https://www.instagram.com/p/CA-v95nJ4dA/?igshid=16497l4uu4rae

@faustinathefuzz #blackouttuesday I hope to see all the many voices that I know still chiming in next, next month on this issue. Here’s my pledge. Here’s for working for change. Because this has got to stop. #wecandothis (at Albequerque, New Meico) https://www.instagram.com/p/CA8DSobpwJ0/?igshid=l5nhzpt0ewz9

Here is a beautiful resource created by @ibramxk and posted on @goodgoodgoodco I will be taking the time this week to offer resources for those who follow me. My hope is this post will assist anyone interested in learning what it means to be Black or POC living in a society that set up to support White people. Awareness brings freedom. Know your #whiteprivilege and use it to create justice. #socialjustice #blacklivesmatter #pocmatter #weareinthistogether #awarenessiskey (at Albuquerque, New Mexico) https://www.instagram.com/p/CA5f6shpXW-/?igshid=iy1u7ylkdusn

Took a shot at a goal I’ve wanted to tackle for a couple of years. Hiked down to a favorite restaurant, who is currently closed #staysafe but whose patio is still open to sit at. Down was easy, knew I had that in the tank but the return? Well, that was the question. Took the weight out of my pack-no 30lb weighted ruck and no push for time. This was all about the distance with no training other than a few 5k runs and treadmill walks. Proud of myself, though a couple of my toenails are unhappy with me. I love working out in a gym but we wouldn’t be here today if we hadn’t been able to be fit in hundreds of ways, many, many of them not needing a gym to do them in. Stay the course everyone. Stay healthy to fight another day. #staysafe #sixfootrule #hiking #onestepatatime👣 #walking #getoutside #gratitude #walkingmeditation #deepthinkingrequiresdeepwalking #35000steps #andcounting #myfeethurt (at Los Ranchos de Albuquerque, New Mexico) https://www.instagram.com/p/B_ljiSrpvHw/?igshid=akjlpfugjen0

I’ve spoken to many about how it feels like my life and other’s lives are on shifting sands. On the evening of my 50th birthday, when I had all these plans to celebrate, I have had to watch each and every one of them blow away like granules in gusts. I could be deeply sad. Instead I had such lovely things happen to me that I realized I could continue raging against the sliding down the dunes, fighting every step. Or I could look up into the night sky and see the glorious lights and know how blessed I am. The Divine Feminine has forced us to stop racing, chasing, destroying, and forcing. But she always leaves us with shear beauty to keep us held. For all my friends I’ve heard from today, I thank you. 🙏🏽 Be gentle with yourself and others. Be kind when the time comes. And love with all your heart. And Slide!!! #grateful #heartfelt #50andfabulous #play #slide #lovingthismoment #bepresent (at Albequerque, New Meico) https://www.instagram.com/p/B-JlNt7poh0/?igshid=u6xus48fex7j

Had a wonderful weekend get away to #tentrocks #kashakatuwe Just gorgeous landscape. There are only two places in the world that have these rocks formations, New Mexico and Turkey. A very mystical and magical place. Reminds me of what a stunning place I live in! #tentrocksnationalmonument #tentrocks #kashakatuwe #weekendgetaway #newmexico #nmtrue #roadtrip #beststate #blm #happiness #gratitude (at Kasha-Katuwe Tent Rocks National Monument) https://www.instagram.com/p/B9kaKhvph3z/?igshid=1v7vxe5vbl2p0