mbti blog

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Enneagram 9:

Mediators believe that to be loved and valued, you must blend in and go with the flow. Consequently, Mediators seek harmony and are inclusive, amiable, easygoing, comfortable and steady; they also can be self-forgetting, conflict-avoidant and stubborn.

Focus of attention - Other people’s agendas and the external environment

Life lesson - To reclaim yourself and wake up to personal priorities

Speaking style - Nines are non-confrontational, friendly, other-focused and inclusive of both feelings and facts. Others may perceive Nines as indecisive, scattered, unclear and overly conciliatory.

What Type Nines tell us about themselves

As a harmonizer, I can see all sides to every issue.

I avoid conflict and want a comfortable solution.

I have difficulty saying “no” and can get resentful later for agreeing to something I don’t want to do.

I am ambivalent or unsure about my own needs and wants.

It’s much easier to go along with others than to rock the boat.

Relating to Nines

Ask them what they want and need, and give them time to discern the answer.

Avoid coming on too strong, getting impatient or creating pressure.

If you sense they are reluctant or unsure about something they said “yes” to or agreed to do, let them know that it’s ok to say “no.”

Encourage them to determine their priorities and support them to take action

Stay present to them when they are angry.

Share body-based activities such as walking, exercising, cooking or eating.

Psychology Seeking harmony in their environment, Nines excel at seeing all points of view but share a problem with inertia. Whether lazy in the traditional sense or hard workers constantly on the move, Nines are self-forgetful and find it difficult to set priorities, change directions or shift their attention to what is most important. 

Basic Proposition - You gain belonging by merging with others, and comfort by dispersing your energy into objects and activities.

Strengths - Excellent mediators, caring, supportive, adaptive, steady, receptive, non-judgmental

Challenges - Stubborn, ambivalent, self-forgetful, indecisive, conflict-avoidant

Defense Mechanism Narcotization – using food, drink, entertainment or repetitive patterns of thinking and doing to “put oneself to sleep”

Nines use narcotization to avoid conflict, manage their anger and maintain a self-image of being comfortable or harmonious. Even productive activities can keep Nines sedated if they become too habitual. Avoiding conflict with others keeps Nines from being fully present in relationships. Avoiding internal conflict leads to inertia and becoming sidetracked from personal priorities.

Awareness Practice Observe your habit of mind or focus of attention with as little judgment as possible. Ask yourself the following questions, while noticing your feelings and how your body responds:

In what ways do I just go along with others’ agendas?

How do I get distracted from my real priorities?

How am I stubborn?

How do I respond when I feel tension, discomfort or conflict?

What makes me angry?

Somatics Paradoxically, as body-based types, Nines can be out of touch with their bodies. The intuition and common sense of the gut is operating, but they aren’t necessarily paying attention. While they can hold tension in their bodies, they prefer to stay comfortably undercharged and commonly lack muscle tone. Low-energy Nines suffer from inertia and physical laziness, while high-energy Nines stay constantly active. 

If you are a Nine…

Type 1 

Type 2 

Type 3

Type 4 

Type 5 

Type 6

Type 7

Type 8

Type 9

(written by Dr. John Grey)

1. The Perfectionist

A Perfectionist is concerned with being good, correcting error, doing what one should, and getting things right. They have an active inner voice that guides them to do the right thing.

But this inner voice is critical and overbearing, and it tends to produce inner tension, guilt, and worry. In its wake, pleasure gets dampened. Personal needs are not recognized or voiced. A sense of deprivation can result.

The focus on what is “good” and “right” gets put out into relationships. The strong sense of “it should be this way” voiced by the Perfectionist — in the interest of what seems right — makes it look like there’s only one way of doing things, their way.

The other person generally does not like this, and may end up feeling like they are walking on egg-shells. In their “rightness” the Perfectionist seems to be superior, while the other person feels picked apart, rejected, hurt, inferior.

There is a tendency to be overly black and white about things. This creates stress and a sense of trying to be in control. It also reduces happiness. People in relationship with a Perfectionist often wish things could just be more relaxed and easy. They yearn for a more flexible approach to things.

Personal growth for a Perfectionist is to internally ask the question: “Would I rather be right — or happy?” It will help to see and question what seem to be rigid rules. Learn to accept mistakes. Recognize that there are different ways of doing things besides the one “right” way. Two great virtues for a Perfectionist to develop are patience and compassion. True serenity is gained by accepting things as they are, even what appear to be “imperfections.”

2. The Giver

A Giver is focused on fulfilling other peoples’ needs. They believe they’ll get love and connection in this way. They usually give too much. But they seldom ask for what they want or need.

So they get back too little — since others do not have a Giver’s “psychic” ability to see needs. Eventually they break into anger, or just as easily, tears. They, and their partners, get overwhelmed by these emotional outbreaks.

A Giver puts so much energy into gaining connection by giving, that other people see this as too much, out of balance, possibly even manipulative. So others retreat — as the Giver pursues them. Under these conditions, a Giver can be viewed as overly needy or too dependent.

Most relationships encounter discrepancies between one partner wanting to be closer, and the other wanting space. The Giver usually suffers the lack of connection in this classic “connection vs. space” dance. This leaves them particularly vulnerable to feeling rejected and the pain of loss. Their pursuit of connection often will push the other person to need even more space. This polarization process results in both partners suffering.

Personal growth for a Giver is to scale back their strong drive for giving — and reduce their dependency on connecting. Know that love does not depend on altering oneself to fit the needs of others. A Giver will grow if they practice setting boundaries and saying “no.” By spending time alone, they learn to better sense their own needs — and how to fulfill these needs, themselves. A Giver also grows as they begin to directly ask others for what they want.

3. The Performer

A Performer is concerned with work and getting the job done. They are driven by the need to succeed. In essence, they believe that love and acceptance is based upon what they do, on their performance, image, achievements and success.

With their high drive to get the job done, a Performer puts feelings aside — theirs as well as the feelings of other people. This becomes a problem in relationships.

For the Performer, accomplishments are seen to be the measure of a person’s worth. This leaves them very dependent on external approval and recognition, based on how well they succeed in accomplishing things.

In relationship, others may sense they are not cared for, especially because their feelings are ignored by the Performer. The whole realm of emotional contact will seem to be missing. People want to know what a Performer feels. But there is discomfort around the arena of emotions, so a Performer will avoid this vital area of human interchange. Their partners end up feeling a lack of connection. As a Performer gets stuck in to-do lists and workaholism, their emotional absence will become the critical issue.

Personal growth for a Performer is to know and honor their feelings, and to freely discuss feelings with others. They grow with the realization they are a human beings, not human “doings.” They also need to become the source of their own acceptance and appreciation, rather than depending on external recognition. It is vital for a Performer to slow down and smell the roses — to feel good while doing nothing — and appreciate the importance of emotion in life and love.

4. The Romantic

A Romantic is an idealist who longs for a special sense of connection in the world. They are often disappointed by life. They feel something important is missing. They tend to be dissatisfied or angry with ordinary, daily life.

They yearn for that special something believed to be ultimately fulfilling. Relationships are concerned with a search for the special and unique. Romantics suffer from a “grass is always greener” syndrome. They are attracted by distance and non-availability.

But once things settle down, they get bored or start to see what is missing or not good enough in the other person. Hence, they have trouble committing. Lasting happiness is elusive. A Romantic perennially longs for a depth and intensity of emotional connection.

Yet it always seems missing, and their partner fails to match their idealized yearnings. They feel special, different, but at times they also feel like a misfit. They seem to generate dramatic crises, easily feeling rejected, abandoned, jealous, or envious.

They can become subject to having huge emotional swings. People have difficulty coping with their intense drama. Others can also feel rejected, as being seen as not good enough.

Personal growth for a Romantic is to see what is positive in life in the moment, rather than seeing what is missing. Learn to enjoy being in the “here and now.” Find things to appreciate in ordinary everyday experiences. Growth occurs as a Romantic maintains a consistent course of action, despite intense mood swings. They need to slow down and delay their emotional reactions. Additionally, helping others is good for a Romantic, offering a way to become less self-absorbed.

5. The Observer

An Observer tends to think the world demands too much, and gives too little. They focus on protecting themselves from intrusions or demands made on them by others. They value privacy. They need significant amounts of time alone.

Observers will tend to be detached and will easily withdraw from others. Emotional states overwhelm an Observer — both their own feelings and those of other people. Hence they will isolate from their feelings and try to avoid the feelings of the people around them.

They retreat to the domain of the mind and intellect. Others find this void of emotional connection a kind of rejection, a sign their feelings don’t matter.

The detached stance of an Observer can leave them feeling isolated. Lots of alone time may also bring with it the pain of feeling lonely. They may then long for connection. Yet at the same time, an Observer feels inadequate when it comes to connecting and dealing with real emotional interchange in relationships.

In the dance of “connection vs. space” they tend to need lots of space and can feel trapped. Others perceive them as unavailable, aloof, and try to get them to open up and talk about their feelings. It’s easy to mistake an Observer’s need for privacy as a form of rejection. Their retreat into the intellect can easily be seen as being superior.

Personal growth for an Observer is to become comfortable with feelings. Start sensing what you feel. And reveal this to others, in real time, as soon as you feel it. When you feel like withdrawing, move closer. Participate in life more, engage in conversation and discuss personal things about yourself.

6. The Loyal Skeptic

A Loyal Skeptic is concerned with finding certainty or security. Their sense of being safe is challenged by a world that appears to be dangerous. This may take them in one of two directions — towards fear or against it.

They may either fear the world, or to deny there is anything to fear. They may then believe you must avoid and escape perceived danger. Or they may believe you must face and fight it.

A Loyal Skeptic will tend to be vigilant. They also tend to have many doubts, and can be highly ambivalent. They can easily misread or mistrust others. There can be difficulties with authority figures — either in the form of excess loyalty and obedience, or rebellion and opposition.

Danger can be seen everywhere. This can result in anxiety and fear — and increased vigilance. The Loyal Skeptic may focus excessively on negative future outcomes, the downside and what could go wrong. Trying to protect themselves from imagined disasters, they will end up acting in ways that create self-fulfilling prophecies.

Others may feel a sense of being scrutinized, pursued or accused — often erroneously. People can be pushed away by the excessive vigilance and attempt to control them. Others resent that the Loyal Skeptic is projecting negative things onto them, and they yearn for a more relaxed state.

Personal growth for a Loyal Skeptic is to learn to embrace uncertainty. Begin to focus on the positive aspects of life, the positive qualities in other people. The ability to trust will be helped by internally asking the question “What if what I think I see here is not real?” — and then doing calm, respectful reality-testing with others.

7. The Epicure

An Epicure is sensitive to how the world is limiting. They are frustrated with this, and try to keep as many options available as possible, to avoid limits or pain. They are the ultimate pleasure seekers.

Epicures continually focus on pleasurable activities, and enjoy imagining all the many fascinating possibilities that could exist in the future. This becomes a major source of distraction, a diversion from deeper purposes and commitments.

An Epicure is a master at reframing negatives as positives. There is always a silver lining to every cloud. They are driven to focus on the lining, and avoid the cloud altogether. Trying to keep feeling happy, and trying to escape limits or pain, will actually lead to real losses in life. This will especially be true in relationships, and this will cause real pain.

In the “connection vs. space” dance in relationships, an Epicure will usually be the one who feels trapped and will need more space. They will usually have problems with committing to a relationship.

Others will react to an Epicure’s avoidance of negative feelings. They may feel rejected or come to believe an Epicure really doesn’t care about them. In trying to avoid or escape pain, an Epicure will fail to learn the deeper lessons that pain teaches us, and they will repeat the same mistakes.

Personal growth for an Epicure is to realize what the hunger for options and escape of pain actually costs. Accept limits. Learn to stay with one thing and overcome the feeling of being trapped and needing to escape. Embrace the here and now, whether painful or pleasurable, stimulating or boring.

8. The Protector

A Protector tends to see the world as a hard place, where one has to be powerful or forceful. It’s all about being protected and respected. Underlying this, a sense of innocence has been lost because the world appears harsh and unjust.

This results in a great concern with being in control of a situation. This can result in conflicts, struggles over power, and the Protector easily erupts into anger.

There are many different reactions to a Protector. Some people counter their force by fighting back. Many others simply withdraw or avoid them. The Protector then feels unmet or disrespected, resulting in more anger and struggle.

A Protector has the internal mandate to deny any fear or vulnerability. They tend towards excess and impulsive action. While most people would say “ready, aim, fire” — they will say “ready, fire, and who needs to aim?” Hence, they readily leap before they look, and overdo things. This can result in being exhausted, and rejected.

People often feel intimidated or intruded upon by a Protector. They are pushed away by the sense that, according to the Protector, “It’s my way, or the highway.” In their relationships, others feel a lack of the qualities of being soft, tender and sensitive — which in their need to deny vulnerability, a Protector hides from themselves.

Personal growth for a Protector is to be more aware of their intense drive and energy, and to better manage their impulses. They grow as they realize true strength is in the ability to be receptive and open to others — and as they recover a natural sense of innocence, and acceptance of being vulnerable.

9. The Mediator

A Mediator tends to “go along to get along.” They put their needs and opinions on hold, and will blend into or merge with what other people want. In this way, they try to gain love, acceptance and a sense of belonging.

Mediators often suffer from losing themselves in the more assertive agendas of others. They will rarely look inside themselves to see what they want. Hence they will seldom voice to others what they feel or need.

A Mediator will too quickly agree to things or go along with others’ agendas, yet later end up resenting it, or resisting it. This makes other people angry. And anger presents a serious problem for a Mediator. They avoid feeling it. They avoid conflict. Instead, they numb out or fuzz out.

In relationship, others have problems with a Mediator not expressing feelings or needs — and with their difficulty in making timely decisions. People want the Mediator to say what they feel, and to more quickly say what they want.

A Mediator is overly focused on comfort. The excessive need for comfort means they avoid all possible conflict. They do not say what they want, because others might reject them, or it may lead to conflict. This leaves them unaware or non-assertive about their personal needs and agendas.

Lastly, accompanying my third type in my tritype is a Type 9 wing: 8w9. And for being so low in my preferred approaches, I’ve certainly engaged it more often than I’ve signed up for. Throughout the years, I’d been adverse to it or had mixed feelings about what it consists of. Yet the more I comprehended it, the more I learned to appreciate it. Still, as with all the other types, it can be excessive and distorted (and this is where most of my dislike and problems with it arise). Nevertheless, some of the loveliest people I’ve met in my life have the Type 9 somewhere in their tritype. So this is about Type 9, for anyone who’d like to promote or - at least - respect their well-being and growth.

What to keep in mind about the type: The Type 9 is generally peace loving. They often act as mediators and harmonizers among couples and within groups. They are able to slip into people’s shoes to see things from their perspectives. They look for common ground and for how to resolve dilemmas by seeing what it is exactly that each side requires and where there can be compromises. They may be acutely attuned to dynamics between different parties and this can make them idealistic, if not avoidant. They may have a talent for diplomacy and persuasion, given how many angles they consider before reaching any conclusion in their search for the solution that would benefit most. And although complex in awareness, they may value simplicity perhaps for this same reason - for they are able to perceive much in little.

What they enjoy: - Peaceful environments and interactions. They can only handle so much stress and conflict before they need to retreat to a calmer setting, on their own or with other people they can be at ease with. Some find solace and healing in nature, among plants and animals. - Sensitive and respectful discussions. They are usually patient and understanding and try to do what’s possible to have satisfactory exchanges. Being stubborn and insulting is rarely fruitful. And while they might lose their temper or nerve every now and then, they still appreciate thoughtfulness. - Comradery and kindness. Many resonate with a deep sense of union, sometimes even in a metaphysical sense. It’s not unusual for them to be both empathic and sympathetic, which can make a hostile atmosphere difficult to endure. Therefore, feeling ‘at home’ with others can be greatly relieving and uplifting to them. - Collaboration. They tend to notice what people can bring to the table and thus may welcome or even encourage cooperation. They may be selective in this and even be okay sharing with only one other person, but they may also be inclined toward larger groups. - Contemplation. Although instinctive, contemplating profoundly and connecting with “all there is” and with their “higher self” is something they do whether they must or not. And in any case, this is part of what gives them broad and encompassing insight.

What helps them: - Consideration for similarities and differences. Don’t leave all the work to them! Yes, they do this naturally and they tend to be good with words, but listening attentively and putting effort to grasp what they do can take much weight off their shoulders. - Sincerity. Although they might not be against white lies and sugarcoating, they ultimately crave true rapport and acceptance in their relations. Be honest, but with compassion. Smooth things out if necessary or ask them when it would be a good time to address a potentially uncomfortable issue. They might be more worried about signs of rejection and separation than about going the extra mile to fix and work things out. - Time and space. They may be among the first few to promote togetherness, but this doesn’t mean they don’t also need some time and space (everyone does to varying degrees). Let them take breaks from socialization without severing your bonds too badly.

What to watch out for: - Going along with others’ demands when they should not or need not. They often focus more on what their partner(s) ask than on what they themselves would like. In many occasions, this is fine. But in some cases, it can strip them off their identity and rights, as well as cause them to do questionable and regrettable things. - Fake politeness to maintain the illusion of harmony. Certainly, not every event gives the privilege to be fully self-expressive without disastrous repercussions that may not be worth it in the end (i.e. putting yourself in danger for no good reason). But this can become a habit simply for the sake of apparent congeniality and for saving themselves from some inconveniences. - Avoidance of necessary confrontation. Not everything can be nice and easy, and they at times struggle with this fact. - Chill and good vibes only, bud. This is pleasant and welcome at times or for much of the time, but not as a rule that could verge on denial and suppression of relevant matters that require attention. - Dreamy ideals. This is part of how enchanting they can be, and while not necessarily a bad thing (depending on what and who they’re dealing with), they might fail to factor in reality enough.

What to really be concerned about: - Sacrificing the individual for the “common good.” While there are situations where we should really suspend our personal needs and wants to some extent for something greater than ourselves, this, taken too far, can be cruel and just as selfish or worse than not contributing anything - particularly when expected and demanded of others. - Overdependence on consensus. There’s such a thing as relying too much on others’ points of view and opinions. Not only it can be paralyzing for how long it takes to collect them and to sort out their contradictions, but it can also lead to unsound judgment. It’s one thing to take others into account, and it’s another to let their ignorance and apathy continually dictate important decisions. - Evasiveness on many levels. This can turn into escapism and addiction as they refuse to face whatever could cause them the slight dissonance or pull them out of the utopian world they’ve created for themselves. Granted, it makes little to no sense to leave a place you’re content with to instead risk being upset and harmed - and comfort and happiness are indeed important to keep. However, to the extreme, this can become neglect of things that also matter and eventually terribly hurt them and others.

Why should you bother to care? Whether your relationships with Type 9 people are intimate or not, putting in, at the least, a bit of effort on your part (as much as it’s appropriate) can go a long way in making things better for everyone involved.

1- WHY IN THE WORLD DOES EVERYONE SAY I CRITICIZE AND JUDGE THEM I’M JUST HELPING THEM REACH PERFECTION, AND SHOWING THEM WHAT’S WRONG WITH WHAT THEY ALREADY HAVE AND HOW MY IDEA OF PERFECTION IS SO MUCH BETTER AND THEIRS IS SUBPAR, DUH 

2- I FUCKING HELP EVERYONE SO MUCH AND NO ONE BOTHERS TO SAY THANKS EVEN THOUGH THEY DIDN’T ASK FOR HELP IN THE FIRST PLACE  -bursts into song- I’M FEELING REALLY UNAPPRECIATED YOU TAKE MY LOVE FOR GRANTED BABE, AND I DON’T KNOW HOW MUCH MORE I CAN TAKE FROM YOUUUUU

3- No, I’m not at the top yet, baby. But does it matter? I will be there soon. -wink and blindingly white smile- 

4- -tears- No one understands me. HEY, I SAID NO ONE FUCKING UNDERSTANDS ME STOP TRYING TO UNDERSTAND ME I AM A BLINDING PLETHORA OF PAIN AND DEPTH THAT YOU CAN ONLY COMPREHEND ON THE MOST BASIC LEVEL

5- -leaves room after 500 years and squints- I’VE DONE IT. I’VE GAINED ENOUGH KNOWLEDGE, I AM THE SMARTEST MAN IN THE WORLD.  Although I did run away from Nancy when she tried to kiss me and I’m still terrified of human contact. -spoken to their 10 cats- 

6- HEY HEY STOP YELLING AT ME OK, I JUST WANTED TO KNOW, FOR SURE, IF YOU’RE REALLY SURE, LIKE, REALLY REALLY ABSOLUTELY SURE- WELL FUCK YOU, OH ‘IT’S COMMON SENSE ANGELA’ ARE YOU IMPLYING I HAVE NO COMMON SENSE? WHATEVER, I KNEW YOU WEREN’T REALLY GOING TO SUPPORT ME 

7- HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY LET’S GO SKYDIVING AND SKIING AND GO TO THE MOVIES AND HAVE REALLY KINKY SEX, OH OH OH BETTER IDEA, LET’S DO ALL THOSE THINGS, AT ONCE!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE’LL DIE YOU JOYKILL HAHAHAHAHA I KEEP RUNNING FROM THE THINGS IN MY HEAD HAHAHA HURRY HURRY WE NEED TO GO DO STUFF LOLOLOL OR ELSE I’M GOING TO HAVE A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN 

8- YOU’RE ALL MY BITCHES. ALL OF YOU. BITCHES. MINE. MY BITCHES. I’M IN CHARGE. I KNOW BEST. WHAT DO YOU MEAN I INTIMIDATE EVERYONE? WELL SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELVES THEN, GODDAMN WIMPS 

Enneatype 1

Children with the One pattern try hard to be good. They have an unconscious feeling of needing to justify their existence. They became their own disciplinarians and often the discipliner of other siblings.

One or all authority figures are either inadequate, not present, or too demanding and punitive. When the parent is not present, they decide to make their own rules and moral code. When the parent is too punitive, they internalize these rules.

They feel deep guilt, intrinsic inner flaw, and try to cover it up with an identity of being good and responsible. They can perceive others as having less integrity, being lazy and messy.

Enneatype 2

Children with the Two pattern learn to put other’s needs first - to give in order to receive - and that love must be earned. They try to read the needs in the family and see how they could fulfill them.

They often learn to please the opposite sex parent and this becomes a special relationship, which causes a difficult relationship with the same sex parent. It also leads to a triangulation, which is often carried out in adulthood.

Enneatype 3

Children with the Three pattern do not feel valued for themselves. They get praise for what they do and become productive to get this praise.

They often unconsciously adapt themselves to become what the nurturer wants them to be. They often pursue a career that may make their nurturer proud of them.

They have a deep feeling of shallowness and deceit, their insides do not match the image they have created.

Enneatype 4

Children with the Four pattern feel different than their parents. They believe they are not seen by their parents.

There is the feeling that they were kicked out of the nest because there is something tragically wrong with them. Often there is some event that changes the family structure and stands out as the event that changed everything.

Some remember a time when everything was wonderful and a moment when they were rejected for no apparent reason. They spend their childhood trying to regain love by being special.

Enneatype 5

Children with the Five pattern feel unsafe in their families. They experience their families as intrusive and overwhelming. There is no privacy, no where to hide except in their minds.

They experience the emotional needs and expression of their parents as invasive. Some create an inner fantasy world.

Enneatype 6

Children with the Six pattern experience their parents as inadequate and unable to protect or care for them well. Early in childhood they feel safe, as they get older something happens that makes them perceive their parents as inadequate.

Usually this occurs during the phase of separating when they need a strong parental figure to show them what is and isn’t safe about the world. At this time they experience parent(s) as inadequate - absent, unavailable, weak, etc.

Enneatype 7

Children with the Seven pattern feel cut off from the nurturer, causing frustration and anxiety. They feel there was not enough love for them in the family.

Sometimes there is someone needier who requires more attention. Sometimes the nurturer is distracted by emotional pain to give to all the children.

Their role is to be positive, not need much, and help everyone be happier, particularly the nurturer. As adults they often have a close bond with their mothers.

Enneatype 8

Children with the Eight pattern grow up quickly for a variety of reasons. There is violence in the family or around the family. The protector is missing and they must protect and provide for the family at a young age.

They survive in bad neighborhoods - survival issues are important. It is not safe to be gentle or giving, that seems weak and soft. They feel rejected/betrayed and learn to be tough.

Enneatype 9

Children with the Nine pattern feel overwhelmed by their families. They try to disappear and/or make peace. They dissociate from drama by becoming invisible or mediating.

MBTI and Enneagram: Distinction between Fe and Fi using 9w1s?

Noproblem! This is a super interesting question. I’m relatively new to enneagrambut I can give it my best guess.

9w1slook to maintain peace (9) and moral goodness (1) in order to prevent loss orseparation from others. Therefore, to determine the differences between a ninewho uses Fi and a nine who uses Fe, I’m guessing it’s important to understand why each function benefits fromconnection and interaction with other people.

Feis oriented outward and naturally craves interaction with others in order to beengaged. This means that for the high Fe user, relationships with others areinherently valuable in order for the user to feel happily engaged and presentin reality. Therefore, the focus of a high Fe using 9w1 would be upon keepingpeace in their external environment.

Fe 9w1 monologue: I have to be a harmless(and morally good) person in order to make sure I don’t lose people. Losingpeople is bad because I crave an accepting and warm atmosphere. I hate whenpeople are mad at me because it makes me believe that I will end up isolated andalone. My peace of mind is dependent upon others viewing me as pleasant and notharmful. I have a deep craving for harmony and interpersonal peace.

Fion the other hand is oriented inward and engages through introspection. Thismeans that for the Fi user, relationships with others are important not fortheir own sake, but for the sake of validation and connection as theirauthentic selves. Therefore, the focus of a high Fi using 9w1 would be uponkeeping peace in their internalenvironment.

Fi 9w1 monologue: I have to be a harmless(and morally good) person in order to make sure I don’t lose people. Losingpeople is bad because I will have no one to love me, understand me, andvalidate me. I hate when people are mad at me because it makes me doubt myinherent value. My peace of mind is dependent on adherence to my personal valueof not being harmful to others so that I don’t become isolated and alone. I have a deep craving for acceptance so that Imay be free to exist as my true self. 

Also,you should expect to see the 2 of this tritype more prominently in the Fe userthan the Fi user. Type 2 and dominant Fe are highly correlated. Fi and Type 2are correlated as well, but this relationship is highly dependent on whether ornot the Fi user considers “helping others” to be one of their core values. I’mnot sure about a correlation between 7 and either Fe or Fi.

Under Stress (Nine Goes to Average Six) Nines attempt to avoid anxiety and conflict by detaching emotionally from active participation and by not talking about their real concerns and issues. But they can only use this defense up to a point, beyond which they can no longer contain their anxiety, frustration, and fear. At such times, they will begin to exhibit many of the characteristics and behaviors of average-to-unhealthy Sixes. The usually stable, easygoing Nine becomes worried, testy, and defensive. They begin to see others as the source of their unease, complaining to anyone who will listen, and blaming everyone else for their distress. They may also have issues with authority, feeling put upon or controlled by those they see as having power over them. Under prolonged stress, Nines completely lose their placid demeanor and become more and more reactive and nervous. They may seek help and reassurance from others but may just as quickly disparage them for “dominating” or “overwhelming” them.

Security (Nine Goes to Average Three) Nines usually feel unimportant and may feel that their own needs and viewpoints are not worth mentioning. With trusted others, however, they may attempt to demonstrate their value, desirability, or even superiority, in the manner of average Threes. In secure situations, Nines will deal with stress also by working more and by being productive—even if their productivity is really “busy work” designed to keep awareness of more crucial problems out of awareness. This busyness is the Nine’s way of trying to build a sense of confidence and value. Nines may also try to impress intimates with their accomplishments, status, or attractiveness—although, ironically, they are usually completely unaware of how they are coming across to others.

9:

- 1w9 (Idealist): they want to express and bring their values and beliefs to a more universal level, and want things to be done according to their principles. They could teach or mentor to attempt to share and pass their beliefs, self-reliant thoughts and actions. They may hold social or political opinions that are supremely logical.

- 1w2 (Servant leader): they are concerned with improving the human condition: they are seen as compassionate, caring or “advocates for the underdog”. They work hard to improve the conditions of others, sacrificing time and energy to do good works. So, Wing2 could add, to the leadership role of type 1, a caring and generous trait.

- 2w1 (Altruist): they tend to show unconditional affection throught helping others: so they are usually seen warm, encouragement, and acceptance. Wing1 can manifest by helping others in a quite and personal way, that gives them even sense of duty and purpose, usually derected to community. They believe their actions are perfectly justified by their ethic of helping.

- 2w3 (Giver): they are friendly, charming, and adaptable. They wants to make people feel better, and have the warmth and social graces to make others feel comfortable. This makes them welcoming hosts, motivators, and entertainers. They thrive on group process and are generally good communicators, and enjoy keeping several threads or projects going at once.

- 3w4 (Achiever): they are driven and resourceful people who strive to create and control their own images and their own lives in order to be recognized as exceptional; they are typically both admirable and likable people. They could like challenge, but thoughtful, intuitive or humanistic concerns of first interest.

- 3w2 (Motivator): they are usually likeable and charming, naturally enthusiastic people who infect others with their optimism and drive. They genuinely like people and want to help and encourage them, have a sincere desire to do well by others. They have a strong social focus, because the need validation by others. They are very often engaged in self-improvement programs.

- 4w3 (Individualist): they prize being both creative and effective in the world. They win acclaim by being both original and outstanding. Self-knowledge combines well with social and organizational skills. When more entranced, often they have a public/private split: they could conceal feelings in public then go home to loneliness.

- 4w5 (Artist): they emphasizes being different from others and don’t feel compelled to fit in with the crowd. They are seldom compelled by convention, tradition, or a need to fulfill the desires of others. This shows up in bringing individuality and artistic sensibility to whatever they do: self expression is above all.

- 5w4 (Visionary): they are introverted, cerebral types who enjoy learning, theorizing, and innovating. They are often artistic, intellectual, or scientifically oriented. They are detached from their environment, which means they are looking on as if from the outside rather than immersing themselves in the scene. Wing4 brings a need to assert their individuality, so they try to be different.

5w6 (Observer): they investigate and try to improve their world, and have a tendency to question and doubt wisdom. They usually see how they could make something better; they possess perceptual and reasoning skills, which often fail them when it comes to understanding people. Although they are interested in people, they are sometimes overwhelmed by them and need to erect barriers. So, their principles and interests keep them engaged in the world.

6w5 (Guardian): they stand up for justice and security, and are observer of society. They are intensely loyal to those they have chosen to support. They have concerns about security, which they displace onto selected others, and then may even sacrifice their own needs to the safety and well-being of their favored groups and ideas.

6w7 (Loyalist): they value harmony and security and carry these values into both private and public life. Although they do not directly channel the other’s desire (like type 1 or 2) they are intensely loyal to those they have chosen to support.

7w6 (Enthusiast): they are responsible, faithful, lovable, and funny. They are generally more oriented to relationship and want to be accepted by other people. They may evade authority but still be aware of it. They grow dependent and addicted to other people, afraid to be alone, suspicious and skittish. Can feel guilt easily, may project their conscience onto others and then act irresponsibly.

7w8 (Excitement seeker): they are extroverted and want to experience the world. They search exciting activities to escape from a boring reality. Generally they have a strong self-confidence for worldly matters and getting what they want. Usually they want everyone to enjoy their sense of bounty and wide range of interests.

8w7 (Rebel): they seek autonomy and freedom, and tend to go for the opposite of what is, orthe opposite of what other people want, so that they are influenced by the other’s desire, only in a negative way. Nevertheless, they are often able to amass the power to succeed. They can be visionary, idealistic and willing the risk.

8w9 (Boss): known as self-confident and assertive, they are drawn to the leadership roles, whether in organizations or relationships personal. They regularly challenge others for authority and for dominant role, but they will be affable about it as long as the others don’t resist them. But they can also be kind, quite, generally introverted, even if they can explode suddenly.

9w8 (Mediator): they have strong egos, but also the tendency of winning with the cooperation of others. Their good-natured, agreeable manner inspires trust. They are natural leaders who have the ability to smooth over differences and organize groups toward a common goal.

wine mom: esfj, enfj, isfj, infj

vodka aunt: intp, estp, entp, istp

gay cousin: esfp, infp, enfp, isfp

ESTP

Their easy laugh. Their rebellious streak. The way they adapt to any situation seamlessly. The way they charm others around them. The way they geek out on everyday events. Their relaxed presence. Their adventurous nature. Their competence and practicality when something goes unexpectedly wrong. The force of nature that is their protectiveness.

ISTP

The whirring, restless nature of their minds. Their busy hands. The way they tap on floors and surfaces to remind you that their thoughts are always flowing. Their open-minded attitude. Their decisiveness in moments of panic. The undercurrent of competence and ability that surfaces when others are uncertain. Their laid-back nature. Their easy smile. The way their hearts open completely to the people they love and feel protective toward, despite the stony attitude they put on for the world.

ESTJ

Their quick, analytical mind. The enthusiasm they pour into a story. Their refusal to stop before a task is done or relax when something needs fixing. Their perseverance. Their steadfast competence. The way they devote themselves fully to the communities they invest in. The way they demonstrate care within the realm of healthy boundaries. The rules they sometimes break. The confident decisions they make. The way others can always put their trust behind them. The sheer force of nature that is their love.

ISTJ

The diligence they bring to their commitments. The firm, decisive nature of their speech. Their quiet competence. Their community-mindedness. The warm look they get in their eyes when they’re surrounded by people they love. The determined look they get when they’re up against a challenge. The practical nature of their decisions. Their refusal to demand recognition. The energy they pour into improvement on a steady, unwavering basis.

INFP

The honesty they bring to each encounter. The soft and calming presence of their minds. The virtues they can pull from any vices, and the artwork they can make from any pain. The fierceness they apply to their convictions. The way they live and die by their beliefs. Their ability to weave the chaos and the suffering of humanity into an intricate tapestry of understanding. The shame they alleviate through sharing their own.

ENFP

The thoughtfulness they bring to each encounter. The depths their minds dive into with ease. The way their eyes light up when they’re discussing a new theory that excites them. Their interest in debating every side. Their boundless compassion. Their timeless joie-de-vivre. The way they can pull strength out of the greatest destruction. The way they see the best in themselves and others. The way they never stop fighting to help it prevail.

INFJ

The careful thought they give each passing question. The whirring, reeling look inside their eye. The raw and childlike energy they exude when the people who they love are truly thriving. The way they let their weirdness out in bursts. The measured nature with which they plan the future. The hurried nature in which they share their thoughts. The way their eyes light up when they’re engaging with their passion. The even, tempered consideration they give to each new perspective that comes their way.

ENFJ

The presence they bring to every room they enter. The glimmer of joy behind their eyes. The way they engage their full bodies when they talk, like every sentence is telling its own story. The way they don’t avoid eye contact when they laugh. The interest that they take in the obscure. The confidence with which they share their visions. The inspiration they never want to stop distributing. The way they smile when they are saying someone’s name.

ESFP

The sunshine that they bring to every moment. The joy inside their laugh. The way they’ll answer their phone at 2am because the people in their lives are worth every effort. The honesty they dole out when it’s time. The way they talk about dreams like possibilities. The damper that they never put on hope. The way they bring people together. The way they never stop trying to help you shine.

ISFJ

The way that they sit with you in silence. Their vastness of their compassion. The tiny details they take in and remember. The space they make for others to shine. The practicality they exercise through bad times, and the humility they exercise in good. The way they live their lives with both feet on the ground. The care and love they pour into every new place until they turn it into a home.

ISFP

Their sudden and unexpected wittiness. The easy, soothing lull of their voice. The offbeat nature of their interests. The gentleness with which they share their thoughts. The deep consideration they give to moral quandaries. The careful nature with which they express concern. Their spontaneous joy. The way they turn ordinary objects into masterpieces.

ESFJ

The way they love so loudly. The commitments that they’re happy to keep. The way their stress is centered on happiness and the fear that someone else will miss out. The thoughtfulness they put into every action. The joy and warmth they bring to every room. The way they’re never afraid to break a silence when it needs to be broken. The proactive attitude they take toward making the world a better, more harmonious place.

INTP

The measured, thoughtful nature of their speech. The wild, unstructured pattern of their thoughts. The way they break down every pre-determined concept. The way they question and cast doubt onto themselves. The curiosity that fuels their every action. The open-mindedness with which they approach people. The patience they apply to deep complexities. The biases they recognize within themselves.

ENTJ

The structure they can implement on chaos. The way they push themselves to reach great heights. Their decisive attitudes. Their emotional intelligence. The autonomy they promote for both themselves and other people. The way they lift the people they love up. Their commitment to questioning everything. Their ability to see their visions through.

INTJ

Their acceptance of unconventional theories. The enthusiasm with which they tackle each new school of thought. Their unwavering competence. Their firm moral code. The deep and patient analysis they apply to the people and topics they love. Their willingness to always learn more. The passion they apply to sharing their intricate worldview. Their commitment to never cease questioning.

ENTP