Emotional Rollercoaster Just Comin' to Crash

I would move heaven and earth. I would sell my soul, give anything and everything I have just to have you back. You should be here. I’m an adult now but I still need you. You’re the one I call when I’m in trouble. When I need advice or even just when I can’t open something. You’re my go to person. You’re the strong guy. God I miss you so much my whole body hurts. I feel like you were just here five minutes ago. I just saw you. I keep shaking my head “no” because none of it seems real. Nothing in the world could have prepared this family for the devastating you shaped whole you left here. I love you more than anything and I just wish we could all wake up from this nightmare.

perpetually terrified that I won't be enough for you.

you haven't seen the darkest parts of me.  I'm scared that once you do, you won't stay very long.

You can’t convince me that you know what you want. You can’t convince me that you can give me what I need. Nothing that you have ever done equates to the sweet lies that fall from your honey lips. I’ve allowed myself to fall for your trap for too long. I let myself think that you had grown. I'm not naive to your ways anymore. We’ll never get what we really want from each other, so it's time to stop trying. Playing this horrible back and forth emotional game is just too much to take. I want more, I deserve more. I deserve happy.

How is it possible for me to still miss you when you put my heart through the shredder?

I don’t even have the energy to cry anymore though. You took that away from me too.