Alexandra Khitrova on DeviantArt / Instagram
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@newcoolbluewriter
Alexandra Khitrova on DeviantArt / Instagram
SO KYUTE!!!!!!!!!

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:)
I cope with stress differently. So no need to worry. Iām just eccentric.
I would always imagine what it would be like to die. How my family would react to me not being there ever again...you know...I think I understand why Robin Williams committed suicide...I could be wrong but I feel like he became tired of making others happy...
He made other people laugh and smile while also hiding his own pain. He was amazing. I feel like the more I act like I'm "okay"...the more I just want to disappear...
I picked up my habit of cutting my legs again (technically thighs) but I can't help to admire how beautiful the red lines are against my pale skin. And now I started to scratch my wrists. And by "scratch" I basically cut it lightly...I don't care if my thighs look like a cats scratching post but if I cut too much on my wrists my mom might freak out and pump me with pills....who knows...
But I feel relatively better after cutting š
Beauty Marks
A sliver gleam.
A red stream.
Once was warm
And now is cold.
An itch and a burn
Fuels the rage,
But cools the soul.
Tears stream down apple cheeks,
Crescent smiles laugh in glee,
At the thought of ending everything.
A hiccup and a sob,
A whine and a wail,
A silent cry for help,
A silent plea for salvation,
Ends before they can fully form.
A quiet night
As thoughts rampage through the mind.
The loud music
Dulls the thoughts.
While the voices try again
Hoping to drag that soul to a peaceful sleep.
The red has now run dry
Leaving faint pink lines in its wake.
Precious lines cover the wrists,
The arms,
And the neck.
Allowing beauty marks to decorate the pale flushed skin.
Death by stab in chest
I want to die in a painless way. But it also has to be beautiful. I could stab a knife through my neck, my chest, or I could just cut my wrists. I can feel that blood leave my body. The sting will only last for a second as the numb slowly takes over. If itās a good knife, then it shouldnāt hurt. Too much at least. I can stab the knife slowly through my chest feeling the sharp pain burn through me as the fear clouds my mind as the knife sinks closer to my heart. My breathing will hitch, my eyes will water, my hands will shake. And as my body is overcome with fear, with the desire to live. To pull the knife out. I will plunge it in deeper. Straight into my beating heart. Pain will run through my body as my vision turns white. My body will fight for control. To pull the knife out or to leave it in. My fear and panic will win, and I pull the knife out. The sound of cold metal leaving my warm body will echo inside my head. I try my best to stop my blood from leaving the wound, but nothing helps. I can feel the warm liquid flow between my fingers. The knife falls to the ground with a clatter. Alerting my siblings in the living room. My baby brother whoās only three years old will walk into the kitchen. He sees me weakly sit on the floor. Heāll call my name. I smile at him as I weakly pull the knife behind me. Even if I want to die, I donāt want anything to happen to him. My blood soaks my shirt creating a puddle on the ground. My breathing becomes labored as the strength leaves my body. My baby brother will walk up to me trying to help me up. I weakly smile at him. He starts to cry. Alerting the rest of my family members. I fall to the side as they start to panic. I can hardly hear anything now. I canāt feel anything either. I just lay there. Iām so tired. I just want to sleep. I just want to close my eyes and sleep. Iām sorry.

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Hugo Simberg, The Garden of Death, 1896.
Every time I see this I always wonder what the painterās intended message was. It looks so pleasant, that middle skeleton looks so happy with its work.
Maybe itās supposed to be a memento mori, but a comforting and encouraging one.
This is one of the most famous paintings in Finland. There are multiple interpretations of it but they all share the same base idea:
āAccording to Simberg, the flowers represent peopleās souls, the skeletons are aids to Death, and the Garden of Death is a purgatory of sorts for souls waiting for entrance into heaven. This artwork invites the viewer to consider the afterlife, to take comfort in his or her own passing, and to not fear what happens after the body fails to function.ā
āIt depicts Simbergās thoughts on afterlife, which is not run by angels but skeletons who take care of the heavenly garden with a gentle hand, while waiting for more āgardenersā to arrive. It is derived from the medieval belief that the dead sleep in a blooming garden.ā
āIn Simbergās garden the humble Death-like figures struggle against harsh conditions; the landscape around the garden has burnt yellow, it is dry and barren. The cherished flowers grow in exotic shapes, slowly, requiring constant care. The black-clad figures love their nurslings. The garden is a place where Death is allowed to realize its feelings of affection. The Garden of Death can be seen depicting the impossibility of this love; maybe the flowers are tender and fragile because they can not handle the love of Death. Love has two faces: one of them is the face of devastation.ā
SourceĀ
These dudes are fucking legit. Ā They donāt just show up one day in court, either, they actually make friends with the kids and let them know they have a support system and that there are people in the world who care about them and will always have their back. Ā And less important, but also cool, is that the few times a couple of them have come into my cafe, theyāve been super friendly and polite and when I told one of the guys that I noticed his Bikers Against Child Abuse patch and wanted him to know how awesome I thought he was because of it, he got kind of shy and blushed and said, āThe kids are the awesome ones, we just let them know theyāre allowed to be brave.ā
The source is long, but so, so good. These men and women are available in 36 states, 24 hours a day to stand guard at home, in court, at school, even if the child has a nightmare. Many of them are survivors of childhood abuse as well, and know what itās like to feel scared and alone.
In court that day, the judge asked the boy, āAre you afraid?ā No, the boy said.
Pipes says the judge seemed surprised, and asked, āWhy not?ā
The boy glanced at Pipes and the other bikers sitting in the front row, two more standing on each side of the courtroom door, and told the judge, āBecause my friends are scarier than he is.ā
Actual tears.. hnngh
Show me more of people like this, world. I give up on humans too easily.
where do i sign up for this,i want to be in this gang
This is fucking amazing. It may be out of character for me to say this but rock on
Bikers Against Child Abuse was founded in 1995 by a Native American child psychologist whose ride name is Chief, when he came across a young boy who had been subjected to extreme abuse and was too afraid to leave his house. He called the boy to reach out to him, but the only thing that seemed to interest the child was Chiefās bike. Soon, some 20 bikers went to the boyās neighborhood and were able to draw him out of his house for the first time in weeks.
Chiefās thesis was that a child who has been abused by an adult can benefit psychologically from the presence of even more intimidating adults that they know are on their side. āWhen we tell a child they donāt have to be afraid, they believe us,ā Arizona biker Pipes told azcentral.com. āWhen we tell them we will be there for them, they believe us.ā ( Article)
More about BACA, from their site
My parents are a part of this organization and they are metal af
They go on runs to protect the child if they feel even the slightest threatened no matter where. If the child needs them to go on vacation with them, they do. Bikers come from across the nation to watch over and take shifts for these kids. And the best part is once youāre adopted into this family as a BACA kid, youāre always one. Even when youāre 40 and the perp gets released from jail, theyāll come meet with you and find your best options for avoiding the person and maintaining the life youāve built for yourself. Once a BACA child, always a BACA child. In Florida, thereās 100% rate for identifying the perp based on the childās testimony. Why? Because BACA stands with the child and supports the child so they feel comfortable enough to point out their attacker.
Whatās better than a badass biker gang being on your side???
NATIVE AMERICAN CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST WHO IS A BIKER AND NAMED HIMSELF CHIEF HELL YES IāM HERE FOR THAT AND BIKERS BEING BAD ASS TO PROTECT KIDS. HELL YEAH.
itās back! I will always reblog BACA
Damn good people.
I know they wouldnāt consider themselves such, but these people are freaking heroes and the world is a better place because of them.Ā
Hey folks, it talks about this in the article but its not mentioned in this post, BACA is a 501 Ā© (3) charity that depends in part on donations to help pay for stuff like gas for their bikes. If you want to help, consider donating.Ā
@copperbadge You like posting about heroes, Sam. Seems like this would be up your alley.
I love these folks! Iāve reblogged them before but itās wonderful to see the donation information has been added.Ā
Always reblog. Keep doing what youāre doing y'all.
Guys? This post changed my life. I saw this post. Forever ago. And thought it was only in america⦠and wished desperately that they could help me. But then I saw it again, during a bad episode, and checked their site. They arenāt just in the USA
Theyāre in Canada as well and probably other countries. I met and talked with a native guy who runs the place near me. His name is Shaman. I got in, and Iām considered a BACA child now. Despite being 17, turning 18 when I talked to them. They spent time with me when my abuser was over, they gave me therapy resources. They give you something called aĀ ālevel 1ā² where they go to your house with as many bikers as they can, i shit you not a solid 20-40 bikers came from even out of province, and met me. I got to choose my biker name and I got a vest with patches on it and my name on it. They all hugged a Teddybear before giving it to me, and told me if I ever felt the BACA bear was running out of love, to give them a call and theyād refill it for me, and then I got a ride on one of their bikes. Just a day or so ago I went to an annual party with them and they we ate food one of them cooked and had a lot of laughs.Ā
Iāve never felt as loved as I did being a part of the BACA family. They also gave me dog tags with the names, and phone numbers of my 2 workers.Ā So I can call them whenever I feel scared.Ā
BACA is an absolutely wonderful group that will do everything in itās power to help any child whos been abused.Ā
And it doesnāt end when youāre 18 either. As long as you get in contact/get your level 1 before youāre 18? youāre ALWAYS a BACA kid. Iām 18 now and they still invite me to parties, ask me if Iām okay, and are there for me. Theyāre still trying to find me resources for therapy.Ā
BACA has changed my fucking life.Ā
I hope you all can read this, and reblog it knowing from someone who fucking been with them, that they are absolutely amazing.Ā
If I ever donāt reblog this, itās because I am physically being restrained against my will.
Supporting your local heroās.
FUCKEN AMAZING what these Bikers do!!!! This is why I donāt give up on humanityā¦
šš¤š Carpe Diem šš¤š
Links the International BACA Chapters:
United States
Canada
Australia
Belgium
Denmark
Germany
Spain
France
Italy
Netherlands
Iceland
Austria
Greece
New Zealand
Portugal
Sweden
United Kingdom
Switzerland
B.A.C.Aās Byline:Ā āKeepers of the Children.ā B.A.C.A.ās Motto:Ā āNo child deserves to live in fear.ā
Not all heroes wear capes, some wear biker vests.
Had seen this before, but never realised that this is on an international level - thereās even a contact address close to where I live (in Germany), very cool (though hoping the only use Iāll ever have to make of it is for donations) ā¤
Compilation of some of my most popular TikTok videos. Make sure you like, comment, subscribe, drink water and hug your mother. Check out this Livestream App ...
Just something to laugh and cringe about :)
it makes me so happy, I had to
My favorite childhood shows ā Playhouse Disney

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Oh god here goes my heart! I love everything in those genderfluid outfits by Kei Hirabayashi from Tottolink/Bottomall*: the lacy haori, the kimono paired with a shirt, the skirt + in your face belt, the boots. Fashion goals all the way!
* They promotes inclusive fashion anyone with or without disabilities can wear, including wheelchair friendly items like this vest (with shorter back for comfort) or this padded skirt (for warmth and easy dressing):
@newcoolbluewriter seems right up ur alley šš
Thank you and I really love it!! <3 <3 <3
Babe wake up we're sorting r/twosentencehorror by controversial again
If These Walls Could Talk 2. Chloƫ Sevigny as Amy, a butch lesbian.
Disclaimer: If you want to bind your chest, don't use bandages, like Amy does! Try gc2b, Underworks, FLAVNT, or Spectrum Outfitters. Or, if you're Australian, try Amor Binders.
@mtsainthelens You're not dumb!! I think binding advice has been somewhat reduced to slogans. Additionally, many people don't share images of historical binding practices because they fear that might inspire unsafe binding (which is a legitimate worry), but this has the side-effect of meaning being obscured, and danger being taken less seriously than it should be.
I think engaging with older media, and outdated depictions of binding, is actually very important. It's a passion of mine, as a trans man.
I'm gonna do an infodump here ^v^ Because I've been wanting to address this for a while, and this seems like a good opportunity.
For what it's worth, I bound very dangerously prior to surgery. Bandages were one of the tactics I tried. If you (or anyone you know, or any of your followers) ever wish to try binding, please do not use bandages.
Not only are bandages severely unsafe, they're also quite painful, and the media depicts bandage binding unrealistically. Bandages are shit. They often don't work.
Check out these depictions of bandage binding, taken from 3 Generations, Boys Don't Cry, and Degrassi The Next Generation.
This is not the outcome you get if you try to bind with bandages on your own. I guarantee that these actresses (all of whom were playing trans men) had help, for those bandages to sit so straight and untwisted. Binding with bandages is difficult, uncomfortable, and suffocating. A person binding with bandages is more likely to get this kind of outcome (film still taken from 52 Tuesdays):
Many mainstream depictions of gender non-conformity and transgender masculinity like to portray bandage binding as an easy option. Because we're all slender, underweight, small-chested people who have someone to help us wind bandages around our ribcage... right?
To my immense disappointment, gender non-conforming star Ruby Rose perpetuated the myth of easy bandage binding in her video Break Free, which has (to date) been watched over 53 million times.
Her video, much like other media depictions of bandage binding, cuts from footage of her manually wrapping herself in bandages, to footage of bandages perfectly wrapped around her, and clipped down... behind her back.
She had people to help her bind with bandages in this scene, I am certain of that. But thousands of vulnerable (and probably young) gender non-conforming people have been given the impression that this is the kind of effect you can achieve on your own. I know I got that impression from this video. I was put at risk by this video.
It's important to push back against the myth of easy bandage binding, because gender non-conforming people shouldn't have to be in agony just because they're exploring their identities. We need to kill this myth for the sake of AFAB LGBT+ health.
Thanks to Ruby Rose's video, I used self-adhesive horse bandages to bind my chest. They were what I had available, and it seemed like a quick way to alleviate my gender dysphoria- and I didn't know there was any risk, so why not?
The equine bandages were the same as normal bandages, essentially, but the fabric of the bandage adheres to itself and wraps tighter and tighter with every movement. I can't describe the amount of pain this caused me. I was unable to bind for months. I had to seek medical attention. I lived in denial because I was just so, so happy to have a flat chest. But that denial didn't help me when I was in severe pain, and unable to even wear a sports bra beneath my shirts.
It's really important that gender non-conforming lesbians, questioning people, trans men, and transmasculine people (whoever the hell wants to bind) know the dangers of binding. Especially unsafe binding. Binding is never 100% safe. The so-called "8 hour rule" is not universal. Some people can only bind for 4 hours. Some people can only bind for 2 hours. Some people can't bind at all. It's just not physically safe.
I recommend watching these videos about binding.
Binding (once I started doing it safely) saved my life. Not only through the alleviation of dysphoria, but also because I was protected from judgement and transphobia. Being a man with a prominent chest meant people would do a double-take and question my gender, sometimes putting me in danger. In some situations, I simply had to bind.
But I'm an advocate for binding to be taken seriously. Binding is portrayed as a fun, acceptable thing for anyone to do, if they want to. Which is good in one sense, but bad in another. Binding will simply not be safe for everyone.
On the topic of unsafe binding, here are some film stills from TRANS (2012), a very cis-centric documentary about trans experiences.
I love recommending as many GNC and trans productions as I can get my greedy gay hands on, but I always watch them before I suggest others do. This is exactly why. This isn't a bad documentary per se, but it's definitely outdated, and scenes like this are dangerous.
Don't double bind.
Double binding is just as unsafe as using bandages. You're increasing the pressure on your ribcage to a dangerous extent, and you've counteracted any design features that one binder may have on its own.
Binders (good ones, anyway) are designed to be looser across your back, but taut at the front, so that your ribcage can expand as normally as possible while you're compressing your chest. Double-binding eliminates any safety measures that binder companies may have offered.
The documentary, in another scene, also features a velcro binder that doesn't have straps over the shoulders. This is very unsafe. The only way such a binder is secured to you is through extreme pressure on your ribcage, without any loose areas to give your ribs a break. If a binder isn't using your shoulders, don't buy it.
To expand on advice offered in the original post, here are two binder companies I would recommend from personal experience:
gc2b
Amor Binders (Australian)
Here are some more which have good reputations (but remember to do your own research):
Underworks
Shapeshifters
FLAVNT
Spectrum Outfitters
Here are some unsafe binding companies which you should avoid:
LesLoveBoat.ā
Cheap Wish binders.
Ancient Fish King.
Cheap eBay binders.
Amazon (aside from Underworks).
The Discriminant, now called ā2bGenderFreeā to trick people who are seeking gc2b binders.
Be careful. Be wary. Don't buy clasp binders. The Discriminant has rebranded and its website looks pretty legitimate. It breaks my heart that an unknown number of vulnerable lesbians, transmasc people, and trans guys have likely subjected their bodies to the torture of painful binding. These companies are dangerous. Remember, anyone can whip up a convincing site, along with fake reviews and a Twitter profile. It doesn't mean their product is good. Cheap doesn't mean better when your physical and psychological wellbeing is on the line.
Thank you :)

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baja blast
That dolphin pussy stuff
the what
it's nothing, go back to bed
....I learned something new today.....(o.O)
I've been waiting on this!!!!!!!!
@minimalistgrufti
The way Iām looking respectfully