something's fucky

what did frosty the snowman do other than come to life, do a little dance, then die

isn’t that all anyone ever does, really

tbh i was kinda disappointed the first time i sucked a dick. idk what i expected it to taste like but i was just like “oh okay”

Cock is one of my favorite tastes. Not only that, but balls smell amazing. It makes me go a little crazy on it to be honest. Like, I cannot get it far enough down my throat to be satisfied. I’m only satisfied when I feel those intense, powerful, salty, hot pumps of cum down my throat. When I sit back on my heels, look up at you with cum all over my mouth and slobber running down my neck, hair all fucked up and wipe my mouth with the back of my arm and ask you if I did a good job and you cannot even speak because I’ve drained all of your energy out the tip of your dick….. That’s when I’m satisfied.

does that person know they LITERALLY invented comedy??? do they really know????

This isn’t even an exaggeration

This🙄🙄🙄

People are so closed minded, puppy play isn’t always sexual either.

somehow that makes it worse

please may i have some coochie

If anyone’s wondering how well the nsfw filters are going to work once tumblr outlaws horny people…..

Someone screwed up your reincarnation papers, and you’re reborn as yourself. You start your whole life over, with all the knowledge and wisdom (or lack thereof) you had when you died.

My mattress is strapped to eight roombas and I leave all my doors open at night so the roombas can go where they want to. I wake up where they want me to be. I trust their decisions.

Every time I talk to my roommate I feel my pineal gland calcify and my third eye close a little bit more

Last night she asked me how many days there are in a year and I said “why do you not know that?” and she said “why the fuck would I need to know that?”

She’s getting ready for work rn while listening to the Carrie Underwood song from the Super Bowl at full volume

Last night she was telling me about a car accident she was in years ago and she said they had to use the “jar of live” and I was like. Do you mean the jaws of life and she said “you don’t know what the jar of life is?”

She’s sitting next to me scrolling through a facebook meme page scream laughing and showing me literally every post and saying “what’s wrong? Are you okay” if I don’t laugh hard enough

This is like the straight equivalent of Get Out