this is so sad alexa play electric feel

Babygirl I’m popping joints that paleontologists don’t even know about

No, fuck. Chiropractors

Yo mama so old her chiropractor is a paleontologist

i say "oobh i got plany off time" literally whenever i have time to do something it's like a curse

there is no audience to perform for, there is no approval, no admiration to attain. there is no role worth playing, there is no one to convince. let it go

putting a tasty pastrami sandwich outside but the plate says ONLY FOR VIRGOS

it literally sucks to be an animal ruled by hormones. im not talking about being horny im talking about everything. like all we do is respond to stimuli and im sick of it

all you do is respond to stimuli. im better than that

oh yeah? [rings the little bell i ring every day before giving you dinner]

for years you have paraded around in public, wearing a hat that so boldly claims that women want you and fish fear you. you know just as well as i do that this is a lie. can you live up to the bar your hat sets? currently you are being lowered into a tank of piranha, and only your wife has the controls to save you. does this woman truly want you, or will it be you who fears the fish? let the game begin

self discipline is so hard like. i know the sucker who's in charge...a pushover who hates authority and loves hedonism

“gender envy” this “gender envy” that. lets go to the thrift shop and get you some better clothes you’ll feel comfy in

rearranges your dna alphabetically

this blog is not a well-curated museum. it's my bedroom & i'm putting things on my shelf & taping things on the wall