Nerf

disclaimer: i know theres fighting every year about who should and shouldn’t be included in pride posts, this isn’t to argue with people who just hate aspec ppl, this is an informational post. don’t send me bullshit about it

Why should you include aro flags?

many people believe that aromanticism is covered under the asexual flag, so if they include that they’re including aros, however that’s not the case. aro and ace people share the aspec community, but one identity does not fall under the other. It’s less like using the trans flag as an umbrella for all trans and nonbinary people even if there’s a separate nonbinary flag, and more like using the transmasc pride flag to represent all transmascs and transfems. Aros are just not covered under the ace flag because both groups are separate identities. people can be aro and ace but not all aros are ace.

aro is also an incredibly important identity for a lot of people, something we take a lot of pride in. we get relegated to “minor or add on identity” all the time because people keep thinking of us as the -romantic version of asexual. we have multiple terms, multiple flags, and a huge array of different aro experiences, we are not a subset of asexuality and many of us wish for that to be more respected.

last on the reasons of why you should include aros in pride posts is that we have no larger umbrella flag, unless we’re counting the rainbow flag. the aro flag is the umbrella flag for arospec identities. if you don’t include it then we aren’t being included. and this isn’t me telling you you have to include an aro option for everything you make (tho that would be nice) ppl have the right to choose what flags they want to include. but theres been many times when i see people add  flags representing all parts of the community except aro, and then add on smaller more niche flags. i don’t want this to come across as another post like “how dare you include X flag but not Y flag!!!” because i think everyone should have the joy of representation, i just think many people don’t realize they’re even leaving aros out. either through lack of awareness or lack of knowledge on what the aro flag actually is, and that’s what i wanna help with this post.

What even is the aro flag?

Let’s start with what it’s not:

[ID: a flag with four horizontal stripes. from the top down they are green, yellow, orange and black. End ID]

This was the first proposed aro flag. We do not use it anymore for a couple reasons, the main one is that it resembled another countries flag too closely and was getting confused. I’d think this one would have died out by now but i literally just saw a post include it today.

[ID: A flag with five horizontal stripes. from top to bottom the colors are dark green, light green, yellow, grey, and black. End ID]

This was the second popular aro flag. It is very close to the main aro flag now except the middle stripe is yellow. That stripe was changed due to causing some people sensory problems. This one is sometimes still accidentally used, probably because it looks very close to the main flag, but it’s not the main aro flag either.

[ID: A flag with five horizontal stripes. from top to bottom the colors are black, grey, white, light green, and dark green. End ID]

I’ve actually seen this flag used a lot by people not very knowledgeable about aros. This is a flipped version of the aro flag. I also for the life of me can’t find an example of this but i’ve seen more than once a version that is flipped and removes a stripe of green so it looks like a recolored ace flag. These are pretty common, enough for me to have seen multiple people selling merch with this incorrect flag. I think it comes from people thinking the aro flag is the same as the ace one which does start with black at the top and has only four stripes.

[ID: A flag with seven horizontal stripes. from top to bottom the colors are black, grey, white, green, white, grey, and black. End ID]

Yeah, this is the agender flag, not the aro flag. I see these get mixed up all the time. It’s not hard so see why with similar colors and a white grey black gradient, but as someone who is agender and aro, it kinda gets on my nerves when people mix these up. Also no this is not the same color palette as the aro flag. I’ve seen people make designs labeled as agender/aromantic that just use the agender color palette. The aro flag has two greens and they’re both different than the agender green.

[ID: Two flags next to each other. The first one has five horizontal stripes. from top to bottom the colors are orange, light orange, white, light blue, dark blue. The second flag has eight horizontal stripes. from top to bottom the colors are dark green, light green, white, grey, black, grey, white, and purple. End ID]

These are two common aroace flag designs. These flags are used by a lot of people and you might see them included in pride posts. These are good flags, however, they should not be used to represent all aros. Including an aroace flag does not mean you’re including all aros and all aces, it means you’re including just aroaces. There’s plenty of aros who aren’t ace and aces who aren’t aro. It’d be like putting a gay trans flag in a post and saying its there to represent all gay and all trans people, when the flag is usually used to represent only people who are both gay and trans. Again, these flags are not bad, and them being included in pride posts is good actually, but they should not be used to represent all aro and all ace people.

Now let’s go over what actually is the aro flag:

[ID: A flag with five horizontal stripes. From top to bottom the colors are dark green, light green, white, grey, and black. End ID]

This is the main aro flag. It’s the one most widely used and recognized. The color meanings are dark green and light green representing the spectrum of aro identities, white meaning friendship, and grey and black representing the spectrum of sexual identities in the aro community.

But wait there’s more!

The aro identity is a spectrum, meaning theres more identities under aromantic, and they have their own flags too. If you really wanna go wild and include some other aro flags heres some more. (this is not a full list of all arospec identities, just some i see around the most. feel free to look into more arospec identities and flags! also all of these definitions are coming from me and my personal knowledge of aro identities, i do not identify as any of these though, only as aromantic, so if i give the wrong definition please tell me so i can fix it!)

[ID: A flag with five horizontal stripes. From top to bottom the colors are dark green, light green, white, yellow, and dark yellow. End ID]

This is the alloaro flag. Alloaros are aros who aren’t ace. They deserve more support and attention because they’re really amazing members of the aro community.

[ID: A flag with five horizontal stripes. From top to bottom the colors are dark green, grey, white, grey, and dark green. End ID]

This is the greyromantic flag. Greyromantic means someone who feels romantic attraction rarely. The term greyromantic is also sometimes used to mean aro identities that still feel some form of romantic attraction.

[ID: A flag with four horizontal stripes. From top to bottom the colors are black, green, aqua, and grey. End ID]

the quoiromantic or WTFromantic flag. It means someone who can’t or doesn’t want to tell the difference between platonic and romantic attraction basically. It’s got a special place in my heart bc i used to id as quoi.

[ID: A flag with five horizontal stripes. From top to bottom the colors are red orange, orange, yellow, white, and black. End ID]

This is the Lithromantic flag. Lithromantic means someone who feels romantic attraction but doesn’t want it reciprocated, or may no longer feel romantic attraction when it is reciprocated.

[ID: A flag with a black, sideways triangle on the left side pointing right and three horizontal stripes. The first stripe from the top is a thick white stripe, the next stripe is thin and dark green, and the bottom stripe is thick and grey. End ID]

The demiromantic flag. Someone who is demiro doesn’t feel romantic attraction until they have formed a deep emotional connection with someone.

And there’s many more arospec identities!

I hope i’ve helped to clear up some misconceptions about aros and our flags! We’re not under the ace umbrella, we’re our own community. We all have different experiences, different relationships to our identity, and I hope to see more people represent aros this year!

Trans men have shared histories with lesbians who have shared histories with bisexual women who have shared histories with ace people who have shared histories with aro people have shared histories with gay men who have shared histories with trans women who have shared histories with nonbinary people who have shared histories with etc etc etc etc etc.

😈 You are allowed to have evil characters who are not punished by the narrative by the end of the story.

😈 You are allowed to have evil characters who win.

😈 You are allowed to have evil characters who make evil look fun and cool.

😈 You are allowed to make your fun, cool evil character the protagonist.

😈 You are allowed to glorify, romanticize and eroticize evil characters and villainous acts.

its not a "native version of nonbinary" or a "native version of bigender"

thats not what it means, that’s not what it’s ever meant

two spirit is an pan-tribal term coined by indigenous people in 1990, for indigenous people, to replace the term berdache, an offensive term that white settlers applied to indigenous people that fell outside of the western lens of gender and sexuality

two spirit isnt a "native version of nonbinary" because two spirit doesnt inherently mean someone is nonbinary. some of us are, but so many two spirited people arent. many people in our community also choose specifically not to label themselves with terms like nonbinary, gay, bisexual, etc, and solely use two spirit or another term from their tribe or language

we can be anything and everything and nothing you've ever imagined

non-binary communities have always been categorized and divided along AGAB lines, long before even *that*(agab) was a commonly used term and often *by* non-binary people themselves. With non-binary identities and querrness in general becoming more accepted and talked about, there have been many schools of thought about this. (I am not dismissing these, but I'm not here to discuss them because it is not relevant to the point I'm making) Generally speaking, it has become less acceptable to talk about agab plainly and blatantly in regards to non-binary identities. this does not mean that all non-binary people get treated the same way or have the same experiences regardless of agab. there is in fact, a stark discrepancy in gendered traits and signifiers that are considered as part of, or emblematic of non-binary presentation. this is most obvious with non-binary representation in media, where the majority of non-binary characters fit one of two very specific molds.

one is that of a feminine baseline that achieves an aesthetic of androgyny by adding a select few masculine signifiers. most of the time, these characters will be played/voiced by transmasculine non-binary people. they are more likely to have a backstory or plot relevance and generally avoid homophobic/transphobic tropes. this accounts for the vast majority of non-binary representation.

the other is that of a masculine baseline with feminine signifiers and is (both in and out of fiction) generally considered less androgynous. these characters are most likely to be played/voiced my cis men, then cis women, sometimes transmasculine people and very rarely by transfeminine people. they are also much more likely to be side/joke characters and lean into homophobic and transmisogynistic tropes and stereotypes.

exceptions do exist, but they are rare.

so ask yourself, why is the default non-binary body a femenine one? why is the default non-binary character modeled after a transmasculine experience?

the awnser is transmisogyny. the transmisogynist dos not care wether the subject identifies with womanhood or not. they don't look for trans women, they look for "men in dresses". no transfeminine non-binary person has ever been able to avoid transmisogyny by leveraging their non-binary identity. this assumption ignores the ways transmisogyny actually functions. and all people, including those who make media, are implicitly aware of this, so they avoid casting/designing characters that look like "mem in dresses", except as a deliberate joke or mockery. intentionaluty is not required when transmisogyny is the default.

this is precisely why we have language to describe this dynamic. it didn't transform non-binary(all encompassing) into non-binary(TME) and non-binary(TMA) because that initial state never existed.

there was "non-binary" and "non-binary(tranny)" unless otherwise stated, TME is assumed as the default for non-binary people, same as cis women are assumed to be the default for women(no qualifier) and cis men for men(no qualifiers)

TMA/TME is simply terminology coined to describe a phenomenon that was already reality.

and this isn't all just theory or conjecture, I see this when I go out and spend time in queer spaces.

now, I am not non-binary. I am very firmly a binary trans woman, so I won't claim to have anywhere close to a complete understanding of that experience. I can only speak of my own experience as an egg transfem who thought she was agender, used that label and moved within non-binary friend groups and communities for 2 years.

in my experience and that of transfem NBs i've known over the years, transfeminine NBs are misgendered more often, not taken as seriously with their grievances, given less goodwill for real or percieved bad behaivior, and ultimately viewed more as guests by the non-binary communities they inhabit than actual members. they are included in events and meetups much less frequently, and often avoided when they do participate.

it's not uncommon to go to a meetup and not see a single transfem there. when you point this out or even just inquire about it, people get defensive and uncomfortable really quickly. platitudes like "we're all NB, why do you need transfem NBs specifically to be represented?" or "I don't really think about people's agab, I just go based on vibes" are common. it doesn't strike anyone as odd that the vibes always seem to be "off" with the NBs who look a bit too masculine, who's voice is a bit too deep, those with receding hairlines or hairy arms. those who look just a bit too much like they're "men in dresses".

I am glad that I eventually found my place within womanhood, not because there is anything wrong with being non-binary, but because I cannot imagine myself surviving in that kind of space, my otherness always evident, always affecting how I am seen-how I am treated, but never permitted to be spoken aloud, lest I upset the "real" non-binary people around me.

because they will not suffer a man in a dress. especially one who's too loud.

Bro has gotta be pulling multiple all nighters. Or just not doing his homework (which I could also see). But more likely it’s the former.

I also think he would sneak into the batcave at night to help them work on theirs and compare notes if they have overlapping criminals.

I also love the idea that Tim hates the fact that everyone is always on him about how “he never sleeps” and “he has a caffeine addiction that should be studied” and that “he doesn’t ever take care of himself” when Duke is right over there and he knows for a fact that this is day two of him being awake with no breaks.

I also like the idea that sometimes people notice and force Duke to go to sleep.

Everyone: Tim, go to sleep.

Tim: what about Duke? He’s still awake. Pick on him.

Jason, his head jerking to where he is and seeing him for the first time: oh yeahhh. Why the fuck are you still awake, day patrol?

*looks at it*

It's two letters off from the name of my aunt

I was driving through Vermont with a friend, and we pulled over at a tiny shop offering Maple Items. We were on the state highway, not the interstate, so "pulling over" meant "squeezing my tiny car into a parking bay the size of a broad highway shoulder."

As we got out of the car, an older woman emerged from behind the building where she had been pruning her roses. She introduced herself as Tammy.

Her shop offered the promised variety of Maple, but also a number of small antiques and a plethora of dog figurines, plaques, and clearly-hand-stitched garden flags.

A huge purple ribbon hung on the wall behind the register, along with many pictures of small dogs. This was no county fair ribbon. It was the size of my torso. The material had the soft sheen of actual silk.

As I placed my purchases on the counter, I asked, "Do you... Breed dogs?"

Yes. She does. She has bred Yorkies for the last 40 years. Her mother bred Yorkies before her. The purple ribbon was from her national championship winning Yorkie.

You may be expecting that the infodump was going to be about Yorkies.

It was not.

It was about 40 years of drama in the Yorkie breeding community. Where – you must understand – the judging at shows is often about who you're in with, not about the dogs. This is especially true when Tammy's opponents win anything.

And Tammy's mother! Well. Phyllis has been on the Yorkie scene since Yorkies were invented. Because of this, many women of equally venerable age hold deep grudges against Phyllis. The sort of grudges that result in episodes of Midsommar Murders.

This led to deep injustices against Phyllis on the part of judges and prevented her dogs from winning so often she retired from the scene. Judging is all about who you're friends with, after all.

After 20 years in hiding, Phyllis – the One True Queen of Yorkie Breeding – hatched a plot. She may have been out of the show circuit, but she was still breeding dogs. She entered an absolutely perfect bitch in the national competition, but sent her with a handler rather than go in person.

None of the usurpers knew who this dog belonged to, and in dog-breeding circles this Does Not Happen. This could have resulted in further injustices, but Phyllis was crafty. She knew this tournament was being judged by a man from the UK, who knew naught of the drama in the US Yorkie Empire.

With these advantages – and being the best dog there – Phyllis's bitch won the highest honor at the show.

Incensed by this insult to their ill-gotten supremacy, the other owners descended on the handler after the show, demanding to know for whom he was working.

"Phyllis," said he.

The name of the overthrown queen evoked horror in the usurpers.

"PHYLLIS!? She's still ALIVE!???"

Yes, Phyllis yet lived, and this bitch – the dog, not the woman – went on to mother Tammy's current dogs. One of whom, Lucy-Fur, is the reincarnation of Tammy's sister (also Lucy). This is certain for two reasons.

Firstly, Sister Lucy absolutely went straight to Hell upon her death, and Lucy-Fur the dog is positively as evil as Sister Lucy was.

She's fat and gets the guy and no one bats an eye.

She's fat and the hottest chick in the sorority and that's normal.

She's fat and an actress and she gets good roles.

She's fat and she's funny and she has character depth and growth.

She's fat and the main character and no one mentions her weight once.