the best worst thing that ever happened to me

the last time I reblogged this post right before I got a great job, in a permanent work-from-home position, with benefits, retirement, and a salary literally 3x what I was making before, doing something I really like. 

So you know. 

Word Counter - Not only does it count the number of words you’ve written, it tells you which words are used most often and how many times they appear.

Tip Of My Tongue - Have you ever had a word on the tip of your tongue, but you just can’t figure out what it is? This site searches words by letters, length, definition, and more to alleviate that.

Readability Score - This calculates a multitude of text statistics, including character, syllable, word, and sentence count, characters and syllables per word, words per sentence, and average grade level.

Writer’s Block (Desktop Application) - This free application for your computer will block out everything on your computer until you meet a certain word count or spend a certain amount of time writing.

Cliche Finder - It does what the name says.

Write Rhymes - It’ll find rhymes for words as you write.

Verbix - This site conjugates verbs, because English is a weird language.

Graviax - This grammar checker is much more comprehensive than Microsoft Word, again, because English is a weird language.

Also me: suddenly notices the attractive male lead who is most certainly 35+ and I know immediately that he will infiltrate my thoughts for the next 365 days.

Wade Wilson 

(Deadpool)

Annalise Keating 

(How to Get Away with Murder)

Lucifer Morningstar 

(Lucifer)

Brendon Urie 

(Panic! At the disco)

Miley Cyrus 

(Artist)

Sia Furler 

(Artist)

(There are like, no Sia gifs)

Janelle Monáe 

(Artist)

- Like half of them would be gay and no one would care

- Honestly, they’d all be a lot nicer to each other

- The loss of fresh memes would be catastrophic. Forget about the food - what about the memes?!

- However they would adjust and meme the hell out of New Ham

- That dog would have been collectively adopted by everyone

- Much more dark humor

Do they have the fantasy clothes and everything or is it just like, “I like to steal things and am a sneaky robber asshole but also I go to high school”

No, no fantasy outfits or magic powers or anything – it’s just the archetypes. e.g.,:

the dumb as fuck yet weirdly charming gym rat who has an encyclopedic knowledge of human anatomy and physiology, but doesn’t know what a caterpillar is (barbarian)

the smug guitar chick who has apparently had sex with nearly every other named character at one point or another (bard)

the social justice crusader who holds herself to excruciatingly high standards of personal conduct, but is somehow completely oblivious to the fact that all of her friends are total reprobates (paladin)

the disreputably well-dressed one who stealths into every scene when nobody’s watching and is never not shoplifting something (rogue)

I really want to see the rest of the list

I don’t have time to do a proper job of it right now, but to spitball a few possibilities for the remaining slots:

the young lady who tried to join the army straight out of high school, but bombed basic training due to unspecified “disciplinary issues” (fighter)

the bookish and profoundly sleep-deprived chemistry major who you’re pretty sure is abusing her laboratory privileges to cook up a little something for personal use (wizard)

In first edition some classes went through solo quests to gain a class feature (like giving the paladin a horse). They would bring their character to a oneshot session that the DM makes that typically used the traits of the paladin to help solve puzzles. These would usually be really hard, but offer gear rewards and a class trait. I propose we bring these back in 5e, tying them to every characters backstory so that we can give everyone a unique feature or item.

In fact, I had a fighter who hunted vampires in a party I was DMing for. It was really cool seeing him fight through this huge manor, killing vampire royalty and gargoyles and such. He got a neat stake launcher that had an advantage to hit in the dungeon by making a deal with a god. He multiclassed into a first level paladin (I took away a fighter level, but this was for the sake of RP so fuck the rules) and in exchange for worship he got the stake launcher and the god’s blessing.

He goes to the throne room and finds only a coffin. The coffin was finely made, but it was the only thing in the room. The fighter, consumed with hatred, brings an ax to the coffin and strikes it. Black mist began to seep out.

It was at that moment he knew he fucked up.

He began to cast from a scroll of Banish Undead he had been saving, but it got eaten by the mist. He backed away, but soon was cornered. The mist grew into a shape.

“Greetings, vampire slayer. I am Count Dracula”

Dracula was a fable in my game, but he was the real deal, just sealed away. Begin the exposition.

“My coffin could only be opened by the pure if heart. You, by trying to kill me, ended up fr-”

The fighter rolled for athletics and got a 28. He managed to cut off both of Dracula’s arms with a silver sword. Knowing he was in a position of power, he smugly began interrogating Dracula as he searched his bag for silver chains to tie up Dracula with. When he looked up, though, Dracula was gone.

I am risking nothing

I AM SORRY FOLLOWERS, I LOVE MY MOMMY

Will not risk.

Wow! I can’t believe I’ve got 10,000 followers! ( @kiss-my-asymptote was number 10,000!) To celebrate, we’ll be giving away 5 prizes!  (Unfortunately, law says this will only work for US followers.) Here’s what we’re giving away!

Bronze Prize: (2) A set of dice will be sent to you!

Silver Prize: (2) You get one bath bomb from @dnd-apothecary, and a set of dice! 

Gold Prize: (1) The big haul! You get 1 D&D book of your choice, a large set of dice, a bath bomb, and a candle from @dnd-apothecary! 

1. Only reblogs will count as entries, and only one entry per day.

2. Must be following this blog.

3. You’ll be contacted by PM once the giveaway ends if you won.

4. Entries will be accepted until October 31st, 2018.