emily is trying so very hard

@/godlykoii’s Guardian Spirit AU’s design are EVERYTHING TO ME

yeah it's like that sometimes, gorgeous. I tend to despise kitschy terms like "healing journey" because it gives people the wrong idea, it's more like a lifelong process and there's a lot of +1hp -5hp -10hp +5hp +3hp. it can be voluntary and involuntary in the same way that breathing can.

your wounds reopen sometimes, but you get better at having them. you're worried that you're back at square 1, I get it, but you're not. when you first got them, everything happened all at once and they were fresh and new, but you've born them for years now. you may or may not be able to feel that right now, but the way you feel doesn't erase your years of work.

you've said "I just can't bear it anymore", you felt that it was true, but you did. you bore it. you know what it's like to do something that you absolutely cannot do.

you're stronger than you know. this isn't to say that you have some secret well of hidden strength that you can draw from, tho you might have that, but to say that I can see your strength easier than you can. it's a benefit of having my head above the water, you are drowning but I can see that you're not too far down to reach the surface.

I'm going to tell you what you already know

TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS DUMMY

every and I mean every single transfem does this. it feels like I give people shit for it nine times a week, I'm literally so proud of my friend for saying this she's been working on it for months

you are not doing them a favor by pretending to be okay. as the friendly local bitch who wants to help, I get why it happens but it's truly very frustrating to me. I can only do much to try to see past your attempts to hide.

you're not wrong that you have to strike a balance, I won't pretend that complaining endlessly has no repercussions, but erring on the side of caution here is erring on the side of being alone in your misery. you have to actually strike a balance, you can't just always take the option that feels safer.

I wish I had a magic phrase that would reassure you perfectly with a single utterance, but I don't. what I can do is give you the same reassurance over and over again until you feel comfortable trusting it. you'll need it less and less over time and then, one day, we'll laugh about how insecure you used to feel. how silly you were to worry.

we can work together to get there :)

Creation seems to come out of imperfection. It seems to come out of a striving and a frustration and this is where I think language came from. I mean, it came from our desire to transcend our isolation and have some sort of connection with one another. And it had to be easy when it was just simple survival. Like you know, "water." We came up with a sound for that. Or saber tooth tiger right behind you. We came up with a sound for that. But when it gets really interesting I think is when we use that same system of symbols to communicate all the abstract and intangible things that we're experiencing. What is like… frustration? Or what is anger or love? When I say love, the sound comes out of my mouth and it hits the other person's ear, travels through this byzantine conduit in their brain through their memories of love or lack of love, and they register what I'm saying and they say yes, they understand. But how do I know they understand? Because words are inert. They're just symbols. They're dead, you know? And so much of our experience is intangible. So much of what we perceive cannot be expressed. It's unspeakable. And yet you know, when we communicate with one another and we feel that we have connected and we think that we're understood I think we have a feeling of almost spiritual communion. And that feeling might be transient, but I think it's what we live for.