People who don’t want to read The Martian in case the science is too complicated should be informed that it contains the lines “The best way to store the ingredients of water is to make them be water”, “It is of course dangerous to set off an explosive device on a spacecraft”, and “If I cut a hole in the wall of the hab, the air won’t stay inside any more”.

I love this fucking book

there’s an entire chapter dedicated to him wondering how the cubs are doing while he’s stuck on mars, dying

I like the part where the guys on Earth are like “He thinks we all gave up on him, and that he’s completely alone. I wonder what he’s thinking about right now.” And he’s like “How come Aquaman can control whales?”

It sounds like a book-long XKCD comic 

i used to pretend to be a horse at recess with this other girl no one liked but it got too weird for me after one day where she laid on her side and pretended to give birth to a foal and was making really agonized horse birth sounds

the government deleted the sides of his hair for this tweet

please let drake look like a sensitive barista in peace

i know the mortifying ordeal of being known is real for too many of us, but consider this: someone saw you once and loved your hairstyle. someone loves your laugh, how you scrunch your nose when you find something funny. your birthday could be an old friend’s password. that one song you recommended to your crush a couple summers back could still be their favorite. you are in other people’s birthday party photos. someone could’ve fallen in love with you on public transportation. our lives intertwine beautifully and you, dear human, are a little piece of other people’s fond, lovely memories. part of the ordeal of being known implies the ordeal of being loved. 

Looks like some flimsy ass cheap plastic lol

I work at a rock shop, we have had these boys forever but due to some tik tok trend last week we have been getting people just comming in and rushing for the bands. Not to mention when they are like “man i hope yours does not break” and I tell them they are fragile and you should be careful with them they get angry with me since the only way the can possibly break is by vibes alone and not jusy throwing your hand down on a table too hard.

Light a candle directly in front of your automatic Glade spray air freshener that way every 9 minutes a fireball shoots across your living room table, intimidating your house guests, asserting your dominance in your domain

YOU BETTER STOP