Hello
It's been so long since I've posted on here. Is anyone still here? I have so much to update. I really want to get back into posting.
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@navigatingbpdandnp
Hello
It's been so long since I've posted on here. Is anyone still here? I have so much to update. I really want to get back into posting.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Habit Reversal Therapy
I start HBT tomorrow to finally stop my skin picking. I'm nervous and sceptical all at the same time because I just don't understand how it's gonna work with a minimum of 4 sessions. How do you undo a habit in 4 hours??? Has anyone ever don't this particular therapy?
Am I better?
How do you know when you are better? I was able to function well (go to school & work, pay bills, eat, wash etc) while I was at my absolute worst. So if I've continued to do all of those things throughout and after therapy, how do I know if I'm better or just still as sick as I was before I started therapy. It's very confusing. 3 years later and I feel... the same.
Are you thinking of me?
Little-me: I want to know if T is thinking of me
Adult-me: well I could text her and say "just checking you're still there"
Little-me: *stamps foot* no I know she is "still there", but I want to know if she is thinking of me while she is there
Adult-me: yes well see she's probably not thinking of you right now, because she's probably busy seeing clients, going out and all that other stuff she does.
Little-me: ....ah but if we text her, then when she reads the text she will be thinking of me.
I can relate to this on such a deep level. It perfectly sums up my feelings towards my therapist.
Rushing
I've noticed that six days out of the week I'm rushing to get somewhere. I work Monday to Friday like most people and work from 8 to 5. I'm up at 5:30 then rushing around getting ready, then rushing to get my scheduled trains, then rushing around at work, then rushing to get home from work during "rush hour". Then I have to be rushing to get dinner ready and get myself ready for the next day. Saturday's are no different. I'm rushing around getting groceries/shopping, cleaning, doing laundry or going to the gym etc.
Today I don't feel like rushing anywhere. I feel like laying in bed for hours with a cup of coffee and something nice to eat. I feel like putting the TV on but not really watching it, while I doze in and out of sleep. Today I'm swapping rushing for resting. I'm taking a mental health day, where I will do some Distress Tolerance skills. I may draw or write poetry, all from my bed. I will not shame myself for doing this; as I'm starting to learn that it's okay to say no to people and it's okay to take sometime to do nothing.

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Okay, so I recently started using this product when removing my make up. It says it's for dry and sensitive skin and that it's non greasy so I was hopeful that it would work with my skin. I've found that after two weeks I'm seriously breaking out, way more than usual. I'm not sure if it's because I'm using a new product and my body is reacting to that or if it's because I'm under a lot of stress right now but I don't know if I should stop using it or keep trying? I really don't want to make my derma worse. Anyone use this product and have the same problem?
Derma
Am I the only one who has the urge to pick at my skin as soon as I wake up? It's like my brain knows I haven't done it in a few hours, so it's the first thing I think about doing... It's very frustrating.
Today
I just cried all the way to work.
Now I have to pretend to be happy all day.
Then I'm going to see my friend from group therapy and pretend to be happy and say I'm doing well.
Then I'm going to go home and pretend to be happy.
Then I'm going to go bed and exhale while I cry about this overwhelming emptiness I feel.
I don’t trust myself to keep me safe
I can relate.
Worried...
I don't know if I'm not coping because I've lost therapy or if I'm subconsciously making myself feel like I'm not coping, so I have a reason to contact my therapist. Maybe I'm fine, maybe I'm not. I don't even know anymore.

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So therapy ended...
I finally feel like I can talk about it.
The session itself wasn't awful. We talked about my immediate future. He told me that he appreciated my pain and upset; I sat quietly trying not to cry. He told me that I had done so well in the past three years and he was proud of all of my progress. He said he hopes I begin to have to confidence in myself and figure out how to effectively harness my capabilities, because everything I’m searching for, is within me. He said I need to stop looking for validation from others and to stop looking for people to tell me I’m worthy of good things and to truly understand that I am good enough just as I am. He promised that he would consent to me being able to call/text him in an emergency for as long as he is still working as a therapist at this organisation. He told me if I have an emergency I can see him face to face again up to three times. Then he told me to take care and walked me out.
Then I broke down in my car and cried all the way home. I haven't felt anything since then. And now, nearly a week later, it all hit me again. I feel empty. I feel abandoned. I really saw this man like a dad, and now he’s just someone I used to know.
I have therapy tomorrow and my therapist is expecting me to have filled this in. But I cannot think of any goals or ambitions I can work towards now that therapy is ending....
Tomorrow
After nearly three years of Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, the day has come that I am ready to be discharged from the mental health service. Do I feel ready? No. Do I have a choice? No. Am I going to make the best out of a “bad” situation? Yes.
If I’m honest with myself, I’m not going to miss therapy as much as I’m going to miss my therapist. I can't thank him enough, he changed and saved my life. As I look back on the past three years I can acknowledge all of the ways that I have grown. DBT group therapy taught me how to open up to people and how to accept help from others. It gave me a set of friends who I know care and appreciate me for who I am, friends who will support me through my hard times.
My individual DBT therapist taught me how to trust again. He taught me how to listen and how to see things from many different perspectives. He taught me how to say how I felt regardless of how it sounded. He taught me the value of accepting myself and having confidence in myself and my ability to take care of myself. He taught me how to take risks and face my fears. He taught me how to sit with my emotions and understand what they were telling me. He helped me rediscover myself... not the me who wanted to please others, or the me who had been hurt or the me that couldn't see a way out of all the pain.
He taught me a lot. DBT taught me a lot. I will miss it and I will miss him. I’m not looking forward to tomorrow but I know that all good things must end.
I find comfort in knowing that people who I’ve cut out of my life are left with this version of me that simply doesn’t exist anymore. The memory and image of me that they have isnt who I am, and I’m happy that it’s that way. I’ve changed and grown and they wont ever get the chance to know the better version of myself that I’ve become during their absence.
15 things to remember:
1. that thing you did that was kind of embarrassing and weird, everyone else forgot about that already
2. you look fine today, if you can’t notice something on your face standing 6 feet from a mirror then nobody else will either.
3. social lives can go through cycles sometimes, if you feel like your friends are all ignoring you for no reason they’re probably just busy with other things.
4. if you can’t stop thinking about someone or something, read a book, paint your nails or watch a movie. it won’t solve any serious problems but you will feel better.
5. listen with the intent to understand, not the intent to reply.
6. if you want something, go get it.
7. drink lots of water, eat lots of fruit, exercise more, go outside, get enough sleep and think positive thoughts.
8. if you don’t ask, the answer will always be no.
9. throw away the idea of a perfect tomorrow and live in the moment.
10. stop comparing yourself to others.
11. a beautiful day begins with a beautiful mindset. It’s a privilege to simply be alive and healthy. Start acting like life is a blessing.
12. act the way you’d like to be and soon you’ll be the way you’d like to act.
13. you will change. You’re not the same person you were three years ago. you’re not even the same person you were three minutes ago and that’s okay. especially if you don’t like the person you were three minutes ago.
14. you don’t have to open the curtains if you don’t want to.
15. being happy is the most important thing.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Im Already in therapy. All my days are a fucking mess. Ive to pretend that im normal. Nothing needs to trigger me anymore. My demons never leave me. I cant anymore. Really. Ive no strength. Breathing is to much. My whole existence us too much.
Firstly can you talk to your therapist about how you feel? Like can you call them in between sessions? Why do you need to pretend to be normal? I know how hard it is to try and be strong all the time, but you've made it this far so you are strong and that strength will never leave you. You can do this, take it one minute at a time. Message me off anon if you want to talk privately.
Im on the edge. I have bpd, social anixiety, depression and 2 voices in my head that are not mine. I tried to reach out on here. To talk to other Borderliners. But no one cares. It's too much. I can't take this anymore.
I care. Have you spoken to anyone professional about this? Like a therapist? Has something happened that is triggering you? How is your day going? Do you want to talk privately, off anon?