Let Me Be Your Star

my daddy is a giant cunt

Kind of a dilf. Reblog

Im enjoying the longevity of tumblrs recontextualization style of humor. a seemingly innocuous post followed by like "posts that a gnome would make" or like "are you a phone"

Hey! Just doing some self-advertising 😅 if you're interested in hearing me sing, would love for you to check out my performer instagram @nathanfofficial 😊 also have a YouTube channel Nathan Fernandez (http://bit.ly/334D4HC) if thats more your speed, likes, comments and subscribes always welcome 😊 apologies if youre not interested, just trynna get my name out there

The I Spy live action adaption looks great

Never let them know your next move

mr sandman was playing in this gas station and the cashier and i both sang “man me a sand” at the same fucking time without hesitation

everyone on this website except me needs to shut up

everyone on this website except me and this swag ass lizard needs to shut up

Guys I just realized they meant there’s a city in Texas called Ding Dong. I thought the people at GoGurt were really like, “DING DONG! WAKE UP SHEEPLE. BIG GOVERNMENT DOESN’T WANT YOU TO KNOW. TEXAS IS REAL. LOOK IT UP. GET THIS TO THE PEOPLE.” Like some big exec at Yoplait is ready to lose his life over exposing a national secret through the medium of childrens’ yogurt snack tubes.

My job on the leftist commune will be to walk around all the bakeries with a .45 caliber handgun and choose which loaves of bread get turn into bagels by shooting the bagel hole through them.

ARGH!!!!! THAT'S NOT HOW BAGELS ARE MADE!

Damn for real?

why did he finger it like that? or at all?

LOL whos tye saultry little binch on the bottom lsft????

this post is less than 1% away from being completely incomprehensible

We’re still here.

who said that

thoughtbthis meant they were predators to them

a massive cloud of paper airplanes descending upon a 747 and when they disperse all that’s left is a massive airliner skeleton picked perfectly clean of all flesh

ive talked about being too high for things before but this is like.  next level

opened the reblog editor to say the mom is obviously Carmen Sandiego but then realized I have zero justification for that whatsoever I’m just going off of vibes