Definitely not an arsonist

Jane Eyre Month - Favorite Quote (¾)

How does a bastard, orphan, son of a whore order his coffee?

He probably orders the most complicated drink off the menu with about five changes to it (extra whip, three extra shots of espresso, etc. etc. etc.) and then has a few of them in a row and sits in the front by the window writing all day and stopping passerby to ask if they’ve read the Federalist Papers and to ask them tell them their opinions on Thomas Jefferson and why he doesn’t have good taste in coffee, can you believe he just orders it black? And he doesn’t even go to Starbucks? He gets French coffee IMPORTED IN, from FRANCE, because he doesn’t understand America, and he probably has his slaves make it for him. Here read this manifesto I wrote about why Jefferson doesn’t understand coffee, politics, or how to be a decent human being. Laurens read it and said it was great. Eliza took away the Starbucks gift card Washington gave me for Christmas. I’m paying for these out of my own pocket now.

Imagine that conservatives who want “Christian values” cared about helping the poor.

Imagine that conservatives who are against people living off the hard work of others felt the same way about CEOs getting rich off the work of their underpaid employees.

Imagine that conservatives who oppose welfare also opposed corporate subsidies and bailouts.

Imagine that conservatives who oppose welfare wanted to raise the minimum wage so fewer people would need welfare.

Imagine that conservatives who complain about people “mooching off the government” also complained about corporations who take advantage of cheap prison labor.

Imagine that conservatives who want guns to protect against a tyrannical government actually opposed a tyrannical government.

Imagine that conservatives who support the right to own a gun were angry about the police killing John Crawford and Tamir Rice for simply possessing a BB gun and not pointing it at anyone.

Imagine that conservatives who complain about protesters looting were also angry about asset forfeiture.

Imagine that conservatives who complain about vandalism at protests were also angry about the black churches being burned down.

Imagine that conservatives who are “pro-life” wanted to prevent people from starving to death, committing suicide from homophobic and transphobic bullying, and being killed by police.

Imagine that conservatives who insist on “personal responsibility” were angry about the taxpayers having to foot the bill for lawsuits against the police.

Imagine that conservatives who complain about people receiving taxpayer money while not working were angry about police officers receiving paid administrative leave.

Imagine that conservatives who would do anything to prevent terrorism wanted to stop the KKK, and wanted to end the war on drugs and hold the police accountable for their crimes.

Imagine that conservatives who worship the police cared even a little bit about the police officers who have been fired for stopping police brutality or for refusing to enforce unjust laws, or about the police officers who are bullied by their coworkers for being gay, female, disabled, black, etc.

Imagine that conservatives who “support our troops” still cared about our troops when they need financial assistance from the government.

Imagine that conservatives who “support our troops” listened to Iraq Veterans Against the War.

In grade 8 I got a call from my friend in the middle of the night and she was drunk in the park crying and told me that she went out that night with some other friends and they drank a little and her guy “friend” starting flirting and yes she laughed at first but then he tried to pull her shirt over her head and she pulled away and he ripped her shirt and it was her favourite shirt and then he pushed her to her knees and HIS BEST FRIEND HELD HER JAW OPEN WHILE HE FACE FUCKED HER. And so I went to the park and picked her up and took her home and slept in her bed with her except we didn’t sleep because she just cried and her mouth bled and this was four years ago but I still have to be the one to bring her items to the till it the cashier is a man, and she still has anxiety attacks and she’ll get a rash all over her body and I just want to kill those boys but instead they are still walking around. And I’m in the bathroom with her, dabbing at her skin with a warm cloth until it returns to its regular colour.

And in grade 9 one of my closest friends was kinda seeing this boy and so they hung out one night and then she said that she really had to be getting back home and he said that she wasn’t going anywhere until she gave him what he wanted and he parked the car and took off her clothes and she said no and he ignored her and so she laid in the backseat totally limp and just cried and it wasn’t even sex, he just masterbated by using her body instead of his hand and she came to school the next day with vodka in her water bottle and she drank all day and I had to fight her to get the alcohol away from her and she just cried and threw up and I skipped class while I held her hair back and that same boy texted me a month later, asking if I ever wanted to hangout sometime.

And in that same year my very best friend who has never even kissed a boy, confessed to me that when she was 9 years old, her 12 year old cousin made her give him a hand job and he told her that was what cousins do and he gave her a chocolate bar afterwards and she told me that he probably doesn’t even remember it but that it’s something that she’ll never have the luxury of forgetting.

And in grade 10 I knew a girl who invited her best friend over to watch Disney movies and then he started to put his hands down her pants and she said no but she is 130lbs and he is 220lbs and he called her a tease while she tried to fight him but he used one hand to hold her down, and the other to put inside of her and i was the one to push her inside of a classroom and stand in front of her while calling the police when he showed up at our school looking for her and she was so damn scared.

And a few months later I skipped class and was in the car with a guy who i had had unprotected sex with in the past while under the influence of cocaine but this time I was sober and I insisted we use a condom but he told me he couldn’t feel anything while the condom was on so he ripped it off and I said I refused to have unprotected sex again and so he just grabbed me and forced himself into my mouth and I was crying and he pulled me onto him and I just came saying “stop” over and over like a broken record but he must’ve heard something different because he went until he came and I just sat naked in the backseat while he drove me back to the school and said “we should do this again sometime”. And I had five showers that night and I scratched at my skin so hard to try and rip his fingerprints off of me, I still have the scars.

And I found out soon afterwards that that same guy had raped a classmate of mine, 5 months earlier and she told me about how he brought her McDonald’s first, and how he said they could take things slow and she told me about how he didn’t listen to her either. And he goes to our school and so after she told me about her incident and I told her about mine, we decided to report it to the police and the trial is currently still going on and he told people about it, except in his version we are just “asking for attention” and all his friends talk about how bad they feel for him. As if HE is the one that still wakes up screaming. As if HE felt like his skin no longer was beautiful, no longer belonged to him. And I held her in my arms as she bawled after giving the police her statement. And she did the same for me.

And I met a woman a year ago in a paint store and she had a service dog and I asked what the dog was for and it turns out that she had been so brutally raped and abused in her life, that the dog is literally trained to keep men away from her.

And I’m so FUCKING SICK AND TIRED OF THIS WORLD WE ARE LIVING IN. How many rape victims eyes have I already looked into? How many more will I? And how many more friends will I hold while they shake? Because I don’t know how many more I can take. And who the fuck still has the nerve to make rape jokes? And… Something just has to change. Please, someone just start being that change.

For the record, I don't think that not agreeing with me means hostile. I welcome opposing opinions, and think it's important for people to think critically and independently. I'm not an expert or a sociologist, I'm just a girl stating her opinion on the internet. What I mean by hostile in the responses is people saying things like, "that's a boldfaced lie" someone calling me a farmer, and to be honest I don't know what that means, people saying I'm generalizing, or "not all men" and my personal favorite of someone claiming I don't see men as people.                                                                                                                       I don't want to start a debate, because I don't think there is anything to debate. I stated an opinion based on my experience. In the original post, I don't claim that this is a stated fact or based on anything other than what I have experienced. If people don't agree with me, that's fine. My point was simply that the method in which people voiced their disagreements didn't come as, "that's not my experience" or "I haven't seen this happen" (Though one guy did ask why I thought that way, so thank you, kind sir) but by claiming I'm lying or that feminists are trash. (On a separate note, I do think it is amusing how many people accuse me of lying. If I wanted to go on a feminist rant, I have a lot of topics to pick from, I wouldn't have to lie to make one up). In the end, perhaps we see hostile differently. Perhaps I am more sensitive because I've been attacked in the past for saying something similar and I'm preparing to get called a nazi or threatening rape. Actually, hostile might have been too strong a word. It certainly wasn't friendly but hostile has a certain connotation. I'll simply say the general response was negative in nature. But again, I've had to avoid tumblr for weeks at a time after being threatened with rape and bodily harm, told I'm worthless and should kill myself, and the very poignant metaphor of being a fat, bloated pig floating in the feminist kool-aid. In the end, I don't see a point to a debate, if you don't agree with me, that's fine.