i always considered myself a chilled person. i was done with low points of my teenage life by the time i turned 19. since then i began gradually easing my way into yoga, meditation and a love story w/ plants. the books i read told me that this will secure my happily ever after.
3 years fast forward, i turned 22, my lucky number, and felt this year will be crucial, not in a good or bad way. i knew it will be progressive no matter what happens. i learnt not to perceive life/actions as good or bad. most of the time they really are neither.
during the 3 years i struggled to see purpose to my actions, but i was able to meditate my way out of it most of the time. however, it always caught me up eventually.
to direct my path a little bit, i decided to try my best and apply for late admission to my dream uni. because it was so last minute, i had nothing prepared. i only knew why i want to attend the course, but that was based solely a gut feeling and that explanation will get you nowhere in an admission interview. it had to work on my interviewer, because at the end of the summer, i got a letter that offered me a place to study. honestly i must believe in the power of the fierce combo of the universe, intention & lucky numbers, because i wouldn’t think i was simply that good. but i want to touch more on that some other time.
i had no time to celebrate. i planned and stressed from the day i found out. i didn't know if i was ready to be a student after 3 years of trying to adult w/o uni. in a foreign country even, though i've lived in London for 2 years and knew none of the courses in Czech interest me. all my secondary school classmates already started to work on their masters and i was freaking out about undergraduate.
i knew i had to do something about my misophonia, because i couldn't concentrate on reading or writing in class. just like when you have to close your eyes on the tube and wear headphones w/ no music on, just to use them as ear plugs so you don't have to hear people talking or eating... oh wait that's not normal. i didn't realise that until my therapist (and my bf) pointed that out.
instead of learning me cool techniques to help me concentrate, my therapist helped me to point out all the messed up programs i was functioning on in my head all this time w/o even realising ONCE. that's a lot of drained energy and a lot of unnecessary thoughts and a lot of unnecessary words. in 22 years i didn't realise i perceived one day as one continuous series of problems, bigger or smaller, often easily solved, but nonetheless, always there.
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