Hi hello!
It’s been awhile. I’m here to pen down my thoughts….
So back in 2019, i almost left my current job. I was with the company for almost 13 years that year. I wanted to throw my resignation letter on the day of my 13th year job anniversary. I went for 4 interviews and gotten a job offer, so i was like lets just try, come what may.
I sent my letter to the printer but didn’t release it just yet. It was lunch time, my boss back then asked me to go to his office. So i went in, feeling super nervous. He told me he wanted to send me to this diploma course & i replied right away, No i don’t want. He asked why. I said i wanna quit. He looked shock & said Noo you cannot quit…. So he asked me the reason why i wanna leave… Honestly i didn’t want to leave. I have my best friends in the company and love the culture & my colleagues. The reason was i was super stress, i had to do alot of things myself & many projects were assigned to me while others (older ones) had it easy. I worked late everyday & sometimes came to office on weekends. Back then i didn’t realised i was having a burnout.
So my boss made me stay, promoted me & sent me to take the specialist diploma. I felt slightly better and everything was okay.
So in 2020, one of my senior resigned. I took some of her projects. I was busy with work & my school stuff but it was bearable. Though i felt tired & complaining how busy i was, i was okay. So i thought i was.
Covid hit us that year. We worked from home. Everything was all new, many things to adapt to. Another senior resigned. More projects assigned to me. I had another colleague who was doing the same system as me. It was 4 & left us 2. The problem with him, he always took leaves, no pay leaves. Days to weeks to months. And i had to do everything myself.
I managed to finished my 6months specialist diploma in June 2020. Worked during the day, finished up my schools assignments at night. Study for tests. OT late night & weekends because i was rushing 2~3 tenders that year. But guess what, i graduated with merit! I was damn happy & super motivated. Like it’s okay to have alot of projects, my sacrifices & efforts, all worth it!
Fast forward to 2021. My boss back then asked me if i wanted to take another specialist diploma course. Of course i said yes. Another busy year end in 2021.
But it was sad, my boss resigned that year. He was with us for so long….. i was affected of course. He always supported me. He was nice to me. Before he left in Aug 2021, he promoted me to a senior post & gave me a testimonial. He said, this is the last thing i can do for you.
So life moved on. I was struggling with my new course. Busy with work. Too many assignments and it was tough because programming is not easy. I salute you programmers!
In Oct 2021, my back then supervisor (she’s my only senior left) was diagnosed with cancer. My heart dropped… didn’t expect that because she was super healthy… so in Nov 2021, she had to start her chemo. She would be away from work & worked only 1 or 2 days weekly. Then one day, my current boss called me, I need you to cover J’s duties. I was errr okkay… i was like another responsibility added. Projects, school (2months left) & supervisor role. But everything was okay until 2022.
My ex-colleague who always took no pay leaves, he started again. Months & months of no pay leaves. He came back in June 2022. When he came back, he took medical leaves again, he used up all his leaves & medical leaves. I know its entitlement but he took no pay leaves on top of all that. He neglected his work. I had to do his work. One day my boss was fed-up with him because too many people complained about him. I don’t have to complain about him, my boss already received alot of feedback from the engineers. It was disruptive. My boss shouted at him, i was shock. My ex-colleague cried. After that talk with him & boss, he took half day leave because he cannot focus, he said. The next few days he took NPL again. When he came back, he “resigned”. Sigh. I took his projects & the other 2 ex-colleagues’ projects.
In June 2022, we hired 1 to assist me with some of the projects. We also set-up another team in India office. After months of interviews, managed to hire 6~7 people. The struggle was real. I had to deal with SG team & India team on top of my current projects. If couldn’t finish my work during office hours, i had to work late or worked during weekends. I thought 2022 was tough and told myself eventually it would get better.. but no, i was struggling almost everyday. Kept on complaining, getting angry & lost my temper at times. I would broke down once in awhile. It went on even in 2023. I had a hard time working on a project with a problematic engineer. I wished to be removed from that project but cannot, nobody else was cleared to do the project. Juggling multiple projects & task, I worked late everyday, lack of sleep. Working everyday, is no joke. I really need a break. So Nov 2023, my bestie & i went to Seoul for a break. Much needed break but i came back even more down. Why? Because i had to face the same problems again which i left behind before my holiday.
Oh i was promoted in 2023 btw. Higher post, more responsibility.
It gotten worst in 2024. My senior passed away in Jan 2024. She was the last pioneer in the design team. She only manage to “handover” her role to me via 3hrs phonecall 6months before she passed on… gotta move on.. New projects. I had to handle most of it. I was having a tough time. There were many things to do. I don’t know if i was incompetent but i was struggling really bad. I got angry even over a small matter. I broke down while complaining to my friends & sometimes i would broke drown at night while doing my work. My body was in pain. Headaches getting bad. Gaining alot of weight. Irregular menses. Worked mon to sun week after week. Projects & admin work, i had to deal with my boss, engineers & my design team in SG & India. Complaints by engineers. Complaints by designers. It was war everyday.
My body condition gotten worst. My legs were in pain for months because i spent most of my time sitting down doing my work. I had no social life. I didn’t meet my friends for quite sometimes. Felt bad every time i had to turn them down & when we met up, i would be complaining about my work.
My parents would check on me, they pitied me. My mum told me to see a doctor for my legs pain.
The doctor said to me, It’s your lifestyle causing your body to have all these issues & also stress. That was when it hit me, like i needed someone to tell me that this gotta stop but i couldn’t stop because everyone else look fine even when they are stress so why i should be complaining? I told the doctor, maybe i should change my job. She agreed.
I could not take it anymore. I started to find jobs, sent in hundreds of resume from March 2024 to any kind of jobs. I was so desperate to get out from this shithole that i was willing to have a pay cut & different kind of job scope. There’s no callback for interviews even after hundreds of application. There were 1 or 2 calls, they just called to check why i want to leave because when they saw my years of experience in the company, they thought i was over qualified for the post they offered.
I didn’t stop finding. I continue to search until on 2nd Aug 2024, a company email me. They offered me a job i couldn’t resist. Like no paycut, they even offered me more. Same industry but not projects kinda job. Location of office was my ideal workplace. So i did an interview for 1+ hour online, 5 interviewers. They kept asking me alot of questions, i just went all out. Whatever i know or don’t know, just go ahead lol. The interview went well. The next day i had to do an online test. I told my parents & friends about it. When i told them it is an Indian company, they don’t really encourage me. But i told them, i need to leave the company if not i would go crazy. Just saying lol. Not sure how crazy i would have been haha.
On 29 Aug 2024, i gotten the job! On 30th Aug, I canceled my wfh & came to office. Prepared my resignation letter but boss was busy whole morning. I went to my meeting 9:30am to 12pm but i received a msg from my colleague at about 11:15am that boss was free to meet me. My letter was already in my pocket. I went to his office. I took out the letter & placed on his table. With his big eyes, he asked WHY….. lol first thing he asked is it because of him. Of course i said no, though some % partly because of him. He went on & on until 12pm. I said, Just let me go.
He went for meeting and told me to meet him again at 4pm. He went meeting with one engineer who i was working with at that moment. She msg me this, Is it because of me? If yes, i will improve myself.
Even on that day i was super busy. Helped that engineer settled some work. Morning & afternoon meeting. I was having a meeting 2-3pm and suddenly my VP came to me. She joined the same year as me, one of the longest one still around. She came to talk to me after boss told her. She can relate to me totally. She was having burnout 5 years ago when there was a huge turnover rate. She did something. She voiced out. She endured, survived and still with us.
Honestly, if she didn’t come to me & talked, i would have insist of leaving. Boss cannot convinced me. I told my VP my reasons. So they promised me. I gave them a chance, again. I felt bad rejected the other company, they even offered more pay & gave me a higher role. I cannot bear to leave my 18years+ career…
So thats when i realised i was having a super burnout moment. People around be telling me that but i kinda brushed it off… below from google.. i actually was having these symptoms (orange text) over the years..
Burnout is a state of physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion. Symptoms include:
Physical symptoms
Headaches
Stomachaches
Fatigue
Frequent illness (i rarely fall sick sick but recently i gotten sick quite frequent)
Changes in appetite or sleep
Emotional symptoms
Helplessness
Cynicism
Sense of failure or self-doubt
Decreased satisfaction
Feeling detached or alone in the world
Loss of motivation
Behavioral signs
Reduced performance in everyday tasks
Withdrawal or isolation
Procrastination
Outbursts
Using substances to cope
Burnout can affect your job, your relationships, and your overall well-being. You might feel overwhelmed, unmotivated, or emotionally exhausted. You might also have trouble concentrating or completing tasks.
So now i feel much better. They fulfilled their promises. I am less tense now but i have different kind of stress now. It’s all good though.
That is all, for now. May everyone have a great 2025.
