i repost stupid shit here

From: [email protected]

Subject: Phylactery maintenance

Hey boss,

In the handbook it says standard procedure is “Phylactery upkeep is to be done Bi-Monthly, no more no less” but the other cronies and I are conflicted if that mean twice a month or once every two months? We wanna make sure our surplus of young souls and blood sacrifices is in proper stock so seeing if we gotta quadruple or quarter our spending will really make or break the whole “Eternal Life” operation we got going here.

Also side note: should I message IT about how every time the word Phylactery is typed out in the system it automatically turns green? Or is that by design?

In mournful servitude,

Henchmen 2883 (Frank)

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: Vexed Me For The Last Time

you’re supposed to do it once a month, bisexually. how many times have you been doing it??

are you thirty? have a sip!

are you hungry? have a spack!

have you been snitting in the sale proclation? mack your tabbers!.

are you stick? purt your indies!

do you need to prot a buntle? go! now!

are you tired? break your togs!

do a quick snat of your vitals. are you fond? do you need to reduct your plandles? if you have a trick, tog it. if you need to sitch, go so.

are you grod or too trinking? if you need to break off a grint or mend the bontle, go to that now!

Can just imagine all the girlies on tiktok going "I know this is a bit controversial but I honestly love using limestone as a gastrolith. Not only can you readily forage it but they are just so pretty when smoothed out after regurgitating them"

Yes Rigby

I'm so cold.

I'll warm you up

Will you fuck me too?

Mhm

I'll fuck you Rigby