The Mosrath Agenda

I personally have a specific phobia that, when triggered, used to make me spasm and hyperventilate and cry, and it was super embarrassing because I was fully aware that there was nothing really wrong. You can experience the effects of a phobia while objectively knowing you're safe! And STILL I would get people telling me to chill out cause I was fine.

I've gotten better at managing it. I can thing straight and control my breathing and not feel *emotional* fear, but my body still locks up and my heart still goes crazy and I still have to focus on breathing.

When IM experiencing the effects of an irrational fear, imagine putting whatever awful or dangerous or nasty thing disgusts you in your mouth. Imagine experiencing a RATIONAL fear. Because it doesn't matter what I know is true, the effects of rational fear and irrational fear make your body do the same things.

Nausea, locking up, inability to make yourself move, panic, denial, refusal, shaking, disgust, revulsion, anger, fear, outrage, humiliation, vulnerability.

If my phobia is, say, walking past a 2002 Toyota Prius, then making myself do that FEELS just as difficult and horrific to me as licking broken glass off a gas station bathroom floor does to YOU. The only difference is *I* might have to do the thing ANYWAYS, while people make fun of me an I know that I look ridiculous, whereas YOU would at least know that your feelings are normal and your experience will be taken seriously.

But anyhow, today I encountered one of my phobias and was able to react to it calmly and rationally while my brain screamed instead of physically locking up and doing the screaming out loud, so here's to gradual progress

Also, figured out a better analogy over the years:

If Fear is like disgust, think of a Phobia as an allergy

Masks are available at all NYPD precincts, and public library branches across the five boroughs, including all Brooklyn Public Library and Queens Public Library locations