Maybe a Story

In contrast to birds, who are denied the sacrament of cunnilingus, being a lesbian anteater must be a sublime ecstasy.

Since we're all on a bioethics kick recently, I suppose now is a good time to crowdfund attempts to genetically modify various promising species of birds to make them capable of cunnilingus. Top donors get to decide which species we start with

my least favorite literary smut turn of phrase is when a guy is like “im gonna ruin this pussy” “im gonna wreck this pussy for anyone else” like stop.. thats not yours…!

forever thinking about that girl at my uni orientation who, after being told to pour out her water bottle before entering an event, looked at me and said "they tell us to stay hydrated and then make us pour out our water, this is like totally kafkaesque" and then poured out what was very obviously an entire water bottle full of whiskey. hope she's doing well.

WTF are the horses doing

i don't fucking know i tried my best but i think we made it worse with our big hooves

WHY WERE YOU INVOLVED AT ALL ??

i don't knowwww *kicks in frustration and hits humpty dumpty again* fuckkkkkkk

STOP

goo goo dolls if they were in dune: and i don’t want the worm to see me

and? They deserve it for how bad the Sox are playing

whatever. go my scallops

last night I had the experience of "referencing a tumblr post that you think is widely known but turns out to not be as widely known as you thought it was" last night and it was this post. whatever. go my scallops

When the ennui starts to hit in the sixth millennium of Claudetopia <<<<<<<<<<<

explaining to a ClaudeTherapist that the past few decades of playing video games and doing designer drugs and frolicking naked through the fields with all my friends hasn't been hitting like it used to, and it's taking a while to respond so i check the chain of thought even though you're not supposed to, and all it says is "the fuck is this guy's problem"

can everyone do me a favor and tell me your favorite thing to put on toast in the tags