A Dog's Life

unicorns that don’t like virgins but they seek out unfaithful lovers and punish them for their infidelity (guess how)

I'm very confused, how can you not see that I'm a wolf

i liked this ask so much i made it into a sign

Welcome to the Orchard. No, don't sit on that bench—she's not into that, and she bites. The gravity's lower beneath these trees, it should be easier on your back.

As you may have gathered, our family's role is to collect enchanted artifacts, retrieve supernatural citizens, and treat all sapient life, mundane and spective, with the universal rights and respects they are due. Be careful over your stay, for magic follows but one rule: it never does the same thing twice.

The Orchard of Once and Onlies is a webserial based off posts that I think would make a good fictional story. A new chapter comes out each Sunday. You can read one chapter ahead or send me a prompt at my Patreon, or discuss the story and chat with me in my Discord.

Chapter 1.

Chapter 2.

Chapter 3.

Whenever zoo’s tried to put lions and tigers in the same enclosures, the tiger would eventually try to groom the lioness and play constantly. The lioness would lose patience and snaps at them

So basically what I’m saying is that you have a regal and refined gf who stands at the edge of a balcony during parties, sipping champagne

your luck turns around. that guy who stole your bag tripped over nothing as he was running away from you. things you lost start showing up sitting (slightly damp) in the middle of the floor in the family room, and when you walked in front of a car, someone grabbed your shirt collar and pulled you back as the car sped by at a speed that probably would have killed you. you don’t even notice the weird puncture marks in your shirt until that night

a week later, you’re having a terrible time sleeping, tossing and turning, half-awake the entire night, until you wake up again and the biggest dog you have ever seen is standing at the foot of your bed. she walks up and lays down next to you, and you reach out in your delirium and gently play with her ears. she licks your hand once and puts a jet-black paw on your chest, and your eyes flutter closed…