The Grumpy Dear

[distantly] THAT DOG

How to parallel park: 1) Park somewhere else

Gonna reblog it every time I see it

Oh my god I’m obsessed with this.

These koi are really aggressive. But look at the markings!

Fun fact: These aren’t koi, they’re ordinary goldfish! A lot of people think that koi are just large outdoor goldfish, but they are actually separate species. However, like koi, goldfish can easily grow to tremendous sizes and live a long time, provided they’re given adequate space and nutrition.

the other day at work, i asked a woman her name– like i do for everyone, because we have to write it on the cup–and she goes “we come in here all the time. you should really know our names by now” as if i don’t serve hundreds of people a day or as though a nondescript middle aged white woman made such an impact upon me that i’d remember her. i was feeling pretty impatient and irritable though, so i covered my name tag with my hand and asked her my name and she didn’t know it and at least had the decency to change demeanor from haughty and superior to sort of quietly embarrassed and i’m fairly sure that’s the only thing i’ve ever done at work that matters to me. 

I needed to hear this right now. <3

My new favorite post.

PRECIOUS

Happiness Will Come To You.

when tho

When You Least Expect It. Probably Late March

reblog for happiness to come for you in late march!

i envy people who have dreams with clear rational plots like “i was on my favourite tv show for a day” my dreams are like i’m in a diner and i’m pregnant. i leave the diner and i’m in a forest watching the pregnant woman who is no longer me. she turns around and now we’re in a jeep and she’s my dad. we’re listening to music which is somehow numbers. he asks if i remember the time we went to pakistan and i say yeah because i do. i wake up and remember i’ve never been to pakistan in my life.

“There’s a cure?!” asked the girl that kills everything she touches.  “Hey shut up we’re perf” replied the girl that makes clouds. 

For real though. Storm has stopped an entire tsunami before. “Makes clouds my ass” she can conjure lightning and tornadoes and is revered as a god in her tribe. She literally changes atmospheric pressure and that’s how she flies. So fuck you. Storm is flawless.

I think you missed the part where the GIRL WHO KILLS EVERYTHING SHE TOUCHES wants to NOT KILL EVERYTHING SHE TOUCHES and everyone dismisses her incredible misfortune just because the lady who is the AVATAR OF THE STORM won the fucking SUPERPOWER LOTTERY

The last comment literally always cracks me up