F3ral_r4t

(this is way too long to post--tumblr did not like how many text blocks there were--so trying this format instead!)

read it on AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/87702276

by pineapple_vel

In September, Neil takes a phone call that leaves him reeling. And all he can think about how is hard he tried to be a good son. He's breaking all of those rules now. A few weeks later, Todd gets a similar call. He's not supposed to tell anyone, but Neil makes that hard. They have the same secret. Todd's comes with an expiration date. Neil's doesn't. or: i had the thought "what would happen if neil's parents died early in the school year and he became an orphan? as long as no one knows, he can be in the play. he can do what he wants, but at the cost of having any sort of support through his grief." and ran with it.

Words: 25,191, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Dead Poets Society (1989)

Rating: Teen

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: Gen, M/M

Characters: Neil Perry (Dead Poets Society), Todd Anderson, Charlie Dalton, Richard Cameron, Gerard Pitts, John Keating, Steven Meeks, Knox Overstreet, Ginny Danburry

Relationships: Todd Anderson & Neil Perry, Todd Anderson/Neil Perry, Charlie Dalton & Neil Perry, Todd Anderson & John Keating, John Keating & Neil Perry, Todd Anderson & Richard Cameron & Charlie Dalton & Steven Meeks & Knox Overstreet & Neil Perry & Gerard Pitts, Jeffrey Anderson & Todd Anderson, Jeffrey Anderson & Neil Perry (Dead Poets Society), Todd Anderson & The Poets (Dead Poets Society), Neil Perry & The Poets (Dead Poets Society), Ginny Danburry & Neil Perry

Additional Tags: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Neil Perry Needs a Hug, POV Alternating, POV Neil Perry (Dead Poets Society), POV Todd Anderson, Todd Anderson Needs A Hug, Discussions of Death, Wakes & Funerals, Neil Perry (Dead Poets Society) Lives, Nightmares, Falling In Love, Insomnia, Suicidal Thoughts, for like. two seconds

Neil stares at the phone. It’s the same as it was before he picked it up.

He’s spent his life trying to be a good son. Trying to live up to his father’s expectations and his mother’s dreams.

A good son wouldn’t stay at school after getting this news. Neil’s parents value education, though, so maybe Neil can be a good son by attending his classes.

A good son wouldn’t go and audition for a play on the same day he received the news of his parents’ untimely deaths.

What does that make him, then?

‘Now I can be an actor,’ loops in his head. ‘Now I can be an actor.’

It was his first thought when one of his father’s coworkers told him that his parents passed away yesterday in a tragic accident.

Neil didn’t ask what kind of accident. Was it a car? Did scaffolding fall on them? He doesn’t know, and he’s not going to call back.

What kind of son does that make him?

Neil doesn’t know if he misses them. He can’t tell if he’s sad or just numb.

His parents are dead, and he can be an actor. Without their input, without worrying about anything.

“Let’s go sit in my office, Neil.” Miss Bethany, their school nurse, guides him away from the phone–she takes messages for students and staff during the day, and is the only reason he’d even had a number to call.

Neil realizes that he doesn’t know if his father made a will or not. If it weren’t for Miss Bethany, maybe a lawyer or someone would have shown up at Welton, and that’s how he would have found out his parents died.

That might still happen. It’s like his father to be prepared for all situations.

Or it was. Because he’s dead.

And so is Mom.

“Thank you, ma’am, but I should really be getting to my classes.”

“I can excuse you for the day.” She reminds him. “I don’t know what your caller had to say, but it doesn’t seem like it was anything good.”

“I’ll be alright.”

Nolan doesn’t know. No one else knows.

It’s not like his father’s workplace is going to call Nolan and tell him.

Neil’s on a scholarship; he doesn’t need his parents to pay for tuition, and he doesn’t get into enough trouble for them to be called to the school (because that would mean possibly losing his scholarship and getting in more trouble at home). 

Neil shouldn’t hide this. He should listen to Miss Bethany and not attend his classes today. 

He’s not eighteen yet. He won’t be eighteen for over a year. It will become a big deal, though it doesn’t need to be one. He lives at school most of the year.

The neighbors might notice if his parents aren’t around, but that’s a summer problem. 

He’s made up his mind by the time he settles into his seat, swallowing down nausea.