Rough Start

The idea of being alone for the rest of my life sounds so peaceful. It probably shouldn’t

Why do I have to feel emotions- why can’t I just be what everyone else wants me to be. I wouldn’t fuck anything up that way. Why do I have to be human.

Who up subconsciously sabotaging their relationship

Why do I hate when she asks what’s wrong and yet fucking yearn for her being concerned. Why is the concept so much more appealing than the actual thing

I feel like such an outsider in her life- like I really didn’t know her up until six days ago, after almost two years of dating

Why is everything never enough for me- she could say all the right things and I’d still end up hurt and paranoid ten minutes later.

Can someone else pull the trigger because i really don’t have the courage to do it

Anyone else fantasize about them finding something concerning and coming to you about it instead of having it pulled out of you like a tooth

Why is she lying to me, that I mean more to her than her internet friends, than the people who have an intrinsic connection to her struggles. Why does she do this.

Slowly coming to the realization that I do, in fact, have a favorite person and I’m not a weird bpd exception

She has so much going on, and yet here I am, whining like a fucking bitch

I somehow always fall for the idea I’ll become better, permanently