of course i should clean my windows

no one slaughter me right now ok I'm so flooded with stress hormones the meat would taste terrible

And when we finally kill the gods neither hell nor heaven will be waiting for them because they created those to imprison us

burned my eggs and got mad sorry lol

if you’re playing rock paper scissors and you do the same attack you have to kiss

um no offense but my body’s made of crushed little stars. and i’m not afraid of anything :/

my boyish swag and ladylike charms

a jpeg is like an animal

being alive is great because there are so many different vegetables you can sauté. but then there are also the horrors

Really confused as to how my logo changed to kermit the frog. Unless im starting to have hallucinations from lack of sleep. Still. mindfucked. 

dogs will just go "AUGH! AUGH! AUGH!!" at the top of their lungs because they heard any random guy exist outside but a cat at even its most distraught just walks around going "wow. Whoa. Woww."

Tumblr users will see a post mentioning a day if the week and just fucking black out and reblog it

The autism won today (almost got hit by a car in the library parking lot because I was looking at a cool beetle)

(flight intercom) this is the pilot speaking. yeah we expect todays flight to be normal. um if you look out your window you shouldnt see the skull

Tumblr should introduce "you have been blocked!" notifications. It would cause nothing but problems but at least it would be funny.

i hope the lady running for president of ao3 or whatever says whatever she needs to get in and then just starts banning fandoms she doesn’t like. i hope she merges the tags for naruto and bnha. i hope she starts shadowbanning users for putting too many fandom tags on a single fic. i love censorship and hate nerds

hyperfixating on pasta is what italians did I think

SAD! oh well theres other nations