kick ass! play bass! death to the human race!!

The only explanation for Tom Cruise is that hes from the Sims 3

I'm the ladder that stepped up

i just found a 9,000,000 leaf clover

For the record i don't disagree

just felt you with my feelers. Not interested. DO NOT LAY EGGS IN OR NEAR ME.

*polishes my sword*

DO NOT JERK OFF NEAR MY NEST.

Wickedpedia

So difficult to withhold the eyeroll when people say things like, "My body was designed for this" wrt childbirth or whatever, because even if I accept the premise that our bodies were designed, I have to imagine mine was designed with the most basic function of breathing in mind, and yet I had childhood asthma and would have died without intervention so idk if I'm trusting my "designer" with something as physically traumatic and historically deadly as childbirth

"Your body knows what to do" my body tries to close its own throat and die if I encounter a shrimp or perhaps a crab so idk about that one man

your mom jokes don't work when you know someone too well. I would never be in bed with such a wicked woman. That's not even what I had your mom saying last night. I wouldn't speak to her.