hey} ∠( ᐛ 」∠)_

The worlds smallest snail has just started to go freak mode on a succulent apple slice

anyone else absolutely guzzling the shit out of some wadder? a fucking boddle of wadder?

odysseus tying himself to the mast but he's doing some proto shibari type shit to make his tits look really good and his crew isn't saying anything but it's kind of hard not to notice

meows loud as fuck shattering all glass within 3 miles no survivors

I think the reflective pool should contain giant salamanders

I think it should release giant salamanders

asked one of my coworkers how she's doing today and she goes "could be better, could be worse," and another coworker nearby who was eavesdropping chimes in with "could be a lil bit o' alligator curse!" i have no idea what he meant by that but i do know that it has been immediately added to the lexicon.

job interviewer: would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for nothing?