folga wooga imolga womp

working with kids and one of them says “you know you eat 8 spiders a night on average right?” and another goes “no no no those statistics are actually skewed by people who like eat spiders recreationally for fun and stuff” and my head snapped up like a fucking sleeper agent

mymusician... oughh my little bug [remembers parasocial relationships are bad] [remembers infantilization is bad] this complete stranger is their own huge bug

GAY BRITISH JOHNNY CASH: [realizing this bit is too many degrees of separation from the original and opting for a bait and switch punchline] I shot a man in reno just to watch him die

ice water is awesome because you get more water in your water

you think youre out of water but then you check back in five minutes and woah! theres more water! the world is so beautiful

say what u want about the manscaped ads I know they are shit, all of them but the “evil, sinister, malcontent, balls” one puts me into fucking hysterics actually

Penis gnome by Justin Bieber or It's ok to leave a dog in a hot car by the Beatles

Your artstyle is like your gut microbiome in the way its everything you consume and like and it also has all your bacteria up in it. Thats probably how that works

Receiving a Werther’s Derivative from my poser grandma

Fallout 3 power armor mechanic and his duplicitous twin brother who says the word "uncivilized" too much.

omg finally

i’m going to blow up everything forever.