“How do I know what is realistic to expect of someone without explicitly asking every person I interact with?” Is a common question I keep seeing in discussion of boundaries
You can’t behave in a considerate and holistic way to everyone using the same rules. It won’t work. We all have to talk to Eachother and ask what is reasonable. What they are able to do, what they are comfortable with are questions that should be left open ended for the other person to answer
For example: “I understand u have ADHD but it really irritates me when you’re late to our engagements, can you try to be earlier next time?”
Can be met with “I honestly can’t, it’s that bad, sorry.” And the other person has to deal with that because they’re being honest that that expectation is asking too much of them
Can be met with “I don’t know if I can but I can be sure to let you know when I’m gonna be late” which is a compromise that is still better than falsely saying “omg I’m sorry I’ll never do it again”. You have to be honest, we all have to be honest. Both about what you need and about what you can’t do