Multiple Minded Me

-"???" at the end of things

-"Hey...uh"

-"Hi, um..."

-"whatever"

-"I guess?"

-"idk really"

-"I think?"

-(the use of parenthesis to further explain why they are like something with no regard to punctuation or spelling very Tumblr tho)

-mentions TV show or video game

-basically an angsty teenager with no idea how to type?? and so they uh, type like this lol anyway, I think?? this is common idk really so uh... Im new??? but im like -insert character- from -insert media- but a little different (I have glowing red eyes and wings and I'm not sure how I got here?).

-ALL OF THIS IS VALID. How alters come out is their doing and yes, despite me not having any fictives, they do exist. I am proud of whatever alter comes foward to make themselves known to the public but mostly the body they inhabit. So yeah, you sound like a tumblrina, you new alter, you. You might be a weird angsty Dr. Who, but damn is it good you came out. You comforted the child who needed you in their time of need. Repetitive abuse not only hurt them but hurt you too and you deserve to be heard out.

I am still not ok with someone who umbrellas traumagenic systems in with endos and tulpas to represent me, one of thousands of diagnosed persons with DID at a conference coming up.

This person has proven to be a problematic blip in our community and for someone who lashes out and attacks others, I am just extremely put on edge by the fact she feels she can hold a conference about dissociative disorders.

But what do I know. I'm not a DID Youtuber. So my opinion doesn't matter. I struggled all of my LIFE with huge gaps in my memory, horrendous torture and trafficking, and denial of basic human rights until Kay learned to run away. I lost so many friends due to 'always acting different' and lost jobs because of behavior I was unaware of. I have struggled in my relationships with my family, and also my partners. All to be FORCED to be grouped in with tulpas and endo systems under the guise of 'progression' because "its 2018". But my opinion amongst other systems doesn't matter to them.

I am bothered being represented by someone who constantly shows abusive behavior and they will be passing out business cards to advertise their "group" and push their shit merch to make a quick buck off of suffering individuals or people who wanna be included in a community they don't belong to: the DID/DDNOS one.

I want seriousness in being legitimized by medical professionals. I want my brain scanned to be studied to find the differences in my alters who have protected me for YEARS. I want to be heard. I want to have progression in the treatment and validity of trauma-based systems who need it to progress in their therapy and healing. Integration being used as a choice, not always the end goal.

I don't want to compete alongside people who believe a bobcat spirit possessed them. Or a Dr. Who fan-character is system-hopping between people's brains for a fucking lark. I don't want to have to have myself laughed out of a clinic because they believe I am making shit up because some fool came in before me and claims to have werewolf alters but not through trauma -- just because they like wolves "and i don't know how they showed up lol". (Literally what a psychiatrist told me before I left feeling defeated and sick)

I have been quiet about my opinions but as of recent, the /forced/ mixture of 'systems' in this specific facebook group and its leader is a mess. So many systems have left because they were made unaware that they'd be sharing space with spirit-dabblers and "natural systems" when they came there for a safe place to discuss their DID/DDNOS (or possibility of having it) and it changing its rhetoric to gain more followers to gain more clout to sell her brand and represent folx like ME, which is not what I asked for.

And will never ask for.

Unless your mission is to spread awareness of DID with science, medical knowledge and/or sensitivity of trauma and PTSD and to answer questions on how you live y'alls lives to help others feel more comfortable with their trauma-based dissociatice disorder, anything else including system-hopping and spirits and other shit that deligitimizes the study and focus of treatment and maintenance of DID/DDNOS does not and will not ever represent me and honestly freaking shouldn't for other trauma-based systems, either.

My treatment and struggle and community needs to be accepted by doctors and science. I don't want fantasy or spirits or religion or whatever to get in the way of it. I am so tired of being laughed out of offices or treatment centers.

Anyway, I am prepared for the backlash. I won't respond to endos or tulpa folx. Sorry. I stand firm on my opinion. If you don't know who I am talking about, you can figure it out by looking up dissociative groups on FB. the more clown-colored group will be your ticket.

-Celia