Ni De Aquie Ni De Alla

Love bombing is a real thing ; a real Toxic thing …

A few years back I met a girl ,she was nice

Although we did not have very much in common I chose to give her a chance . We went out on a few dates. on one of those dates as I was getting ready to leave the house

I dropped my phone and it broke I didn’t think much of it , I was mostly annoyed that I would have to add this expense to the ever growing list that I already had .

That night on the date she noticed my phone was broke and offered to buy me a new one , of course I said NO but I didn’t think much of it . At the end of this date

She offered to bring me lunch at work the following day Which I was ok with .

The next day during lunch she shows up with lunch , but not only did she have my lunch but she had a brand new phone with her , newer than what I previously had … honestly I felt a little annoyed

I said to her “ I can’t take this “ I appreciate it but I can’t take it , let me pay for it . This turned into please take it it will mean so much if you do!! I already paid for it and it will be a hassle to take back , needless to say I ended up with a new phone. This was just the beginning I should have trusted my Gut , I should have trusted that vibe I was getting

This only put me in the position where I felt like I had to answer every text

Answer every call I mean it’s the least I can do since she bought me the phone right ? Anyway we started hanging out more and more . Soon it became a relationship , throughout our relationship she would shower me with gifts

Rings ,earrings ,bracelets , clothes , shoes

Endless gifts in the beginning I was impressed she really pays attention and listens and is so thoughtful , this girl knows my worth and is in celebration of it! I didn’t realize this was a form of manipulation!! I felt like I owed this woman so much . This relationship became so exhausting . It got to the point where I wanted out but didn’t know how .

I mean how can I repay all of her kindness with telling her I want to break up? This led to an endless cycle of breaking up and getting back together

I remember when I was a little girl and My mother made me get up early to clean on the weekends while my brothers Got to stay in bed . The amount of times that I got scolded for voicing my disgust. The amount of times I heard “lava tu los Platos porque tu eres la mujer”

(clean the dishes you are the woman )

I always considered it unfair but because this is what I was used to I believed this was normal . I watched my mother serve my father as soon as he got home from a long day of work and it be expected not an ounce of gratitude ,not an ounce of respect from the person that supposedly loved her.

When I got in my first relationship I did what I thought was expected and by doing this I was conditioning the person I was with To expect this behavior from me , so on days that I did not fulfill my “wifely” duties

Then we would have fights and his Macho side would come to the surface ,the you will do as I say because I am the man side came out ,the why did you want a relationship if you where not ready BS came out ,it got so bad that I was afraid of fights and arguments I would make sure that I did what was expected . My duties included cooking ,cleaning,paying the bills and attending the kids .I was a maid without pay or at least that is what it felt like ,now I’m not bashing stay at home moms but this is not what it was for me I wanted to go out and work but I wasn’t allowed to , the man was the bread winner and my place was at home with the children ,it never crossed my mind , I am an adult I don’t need permission I can buy my own beer and smokes but I need permission to go work and socialize? The shit was ridiculous I was so ashamed for years that this happened to me I fell victim to this abuse and for a long time did not even realize it was abuse

Fast forward a few years now an adult and a very independent and successful woman , I don’t cook not because I don’t want to but because I have a very demanding Job ,who wants to come home from a long day of work to clean and cook ? As crazy as it seems , sometimes I feel like I am failing and I feel a sense of guilt , the funny thing is that because both my wife and I are working all the time neither of us expect anything from the other but coming from such a toxic environment its hard to break the chains and break the cycle .So I guess My question is are Latino women just as guilty of falling into the Machismo narrative ?