*turns my attention inwards* mmmmm. no *turns my attention back outwards* oh god

walking down the street and saw someone walking the other direction with a pig in a harness and leash and I stupidly asked, "is that a pig?" and he replied, "I sure hope it is, it was a pig when I left the house"

they call me an undercover agent. the way i’m. under the covers :) cozy in bed :)

they call me a sleeper agent the way i. well. i shan’t say.

i hope that someday there will be no more advertisements ever again

I fully believe, to the depths of my soul, that if one of the Metros said “I bet Rozanov has a tiny dick”, Shane “maybe he’s sick” “he’s not” Hollander would instantly say “he doesn’t” and then walk into the ocean

I just realised people who only watched the tv show don't know for a fact that Ilya did in fact score more that 50 goals his rookie season. If I am remembering right the show says it is looking good for it at the all-stars but doesn't say for a fact he did it. So I need you to know That crazy motherfucker did it. He and Shane actually scored the same number of goals their rookie season(67) because they are cosmically intertwined and fated to be together

every single fucking thing on earth exists solely to put a dent in your newly applied nail polish

*voice of someone craving even the tiniest sliver of control* i could make a spreadsheet,

doing things at the right age is literally a made up concept. you can start/pursue anything at any age. btw.