Mini comic about the gifts Fabian gave to the rest of the party! This idea started because of @jamiebluewind​ who also wrote a small script for this comic!

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Bonus!

1. It wasn’t actually a public event, it was a members-only event for the American Federation of Teachers in Lordstown, OH

2. She was sitting in the press section without a press pass

3. It’s obvious she went in, knowing she would be ejected, with the intention of filming her removal and framing it as a breech of her rights.

4. I mean fuck even if that weren’t the case she’s been known to threaten people who disagree with her by asserting that she carries. I wouldn’t be shocked if people would alert security after seeing her to report her assault weapon flaunting ass as a safety concern.

5. She keeps going on about how dare they call the event private because Bernie is a socialist that “doesn’t even believe in private property” affirming she intended to also use this as an opportunity to spread inaccurate defenitions of democratic socialism and cry “hypocrisy” where there is none.

“Eros”

Real life is weird as fuck, especially things that you don’t necessarily pay attention to/show up on your daily radar. You know what there aren’t enough of in D&D imo? Fungus enemies. Let’s fix that shit.

This is a weird little fungus known as Clathrus Archeri, aka the Devil’s Fingers or the Octopus Stinkhorn. It starts out in an egg-like sac before bursting free of it. It then spreads its ‘fingers’ and waits. The inner lining of the fingers is coated with a sticky black gooey substance. “Why would that be?” you ask? Because this thing reeks of rotting flesh and attracts flies, which then get stuck on the goo, liquefied, and digested. Metal.

STEP 1: THINK OF A COOL ASS NAME

Here’s the thing: Real life has given us that as well. BUT! We have options. Clathrus Archeri Devil Finger Octopus Stinkhorn… How to combine this? Well fun fact: Clathrus is the genus of this particular fungus which means… THERE ARE OTHER TYPES OF FUNGUS THAT DO A SIMILAR THING. You know what that means? Multiple creatures.

Clathrus is in.

Archeri Devil Finger Octopus Stinkhorn… We don’t want to use Archeri because that’s just the thing’s real life name and isn’t crazy enough. BUT… let’s use Devil Finger because that sounds metal as shit and gives everyone at the table an immediate idea of what this thing does.

Clathrus Devil-finger it is.

STEP 2: THINK OF COOL ASS ABILITIES

It bursts open into long finger-type appendages? REACH.

It grows 4-7 appendages? MULTIATTACK.

It’s covered in black goo? GRAPPLE ABILITY.

It liquefies insects? ACID DAMAGE.

Smells like Rotting Flesh? CON SAVE VS CONDITION.

This is a fantasy game? MAKE IT LARGE.

STEP 3: ABILITY SCORES, LANGUAGES, ETC.

All of this is arbitrary and depends on how high a CR you want the creature to have. SO FUCK IT GO BIG OR GO HOME.

HP: HIGH AC: LOW STR: GOOD DEX: SHIT CON: DECENT INT: ENOUGH TO EAT WIS: NOPE CHA: LOL

ATTACKS PER TURN: HOW MANY ARMS DOES IT HAVE? ROLL FOR IT.

ATTACK AND DAMAGE MODIFIERS: HIGH

DAMAGE PER ATTACK: BLUDGEONING, PRETTY DECENT. PLUS GRAPPLE EFFECT ON SUCCESS. ACID DAMAGE ON GRAPPLED TARGETS. SAVE FOR HALF DAMAGE.

EXTRA STUFF: If you really want to get weird, give it telepathy, but it only speaks Infernal (but because it’s telepathy people understand it, even if they don’t speak it. Let’s also give it Blindsight so that it can see its meals. Yup. 

WHAT DO WE END UP WITH?!

STEP 4: MAKE UP SOME COOL ASS LORE

The Clathrus Devil-Finger is a strange mushroom that grows in the deepest parts of forests, and damp, dark areas (like caves, or the Underdark). The Devil-Fingers grow slowly over time, sapping nutrients from the surrounding area until they grow to an enormous size. They grow in an egg-like sac, camouflaged to appear as nothing more than a boulder.  Once they reach full size however, nutrients from the soil don’t provide enough sustenance, and so they burst from their sac and split a large number of ichor covered tentacle-like appendages (typically between 4 - 7, but some have been noted to have up to a dozen). The full grown Devil-Finger exudes a stench of decaying flesh, attracting to it all types of scavengers and pests. It uses its appendages to slam down on these creatures, crushing smaller prey instantly, and ensnaring larger prey in its sticky ichor. The trapped creatures are slowly liquefied by the acid laced ichor, and absorbed into the fungus. It is not uncommon to encounter Otyugh, Swarms of Rats, Giant Vultures, or other such creatures when there is a Clathrus Devil-Finger in the area. Because of the increased presence of these aggressive carrion crawlers, it’s not unheard of for fatigued adventurers to get overwhelmed and never be heard of again. Particularly old specimens have even been rumored to be able to communicate with sentient prey, luring them close with dark whispers of promises of power or riches, though this has never been confirmed.

STEP 5: SCAR YOUR PARTY

Tieflings are serial adopters

Since Tieflings really have no homeland of their own, and human mothers have a tendency to abandon baby tieflings, I feel like Tieflings tend toward the “Found Family” trope.

In the usual sense of “hey wow you guys actaully give a shit about me?? I will love you forever.”

But also in the literal sense. Random baby tiefling left alone in an alley? “GUESS I’M A MOTHER NOW.” Find a goblin infant in the caves after you’ve murdered the clan attacking that village? “Oops, congrats on your new son.”

You can’t tell me that, in a species already prone to lacking a known lineage, family units wouldn’t be like, 80% adoption.

“Hope”

✨ LGBTieflings: Gay, lesbian, bi, pan, trans, non-binary, genderqueer, ace ✨ 

Hi, i’m Alex, i am queer, i am weak for tieflings. 

dear tumblr friends…

to say that i’m “disappointed” by the recent puritan tumblr crack-down on nudity is an understatement. i’m crushed. for many years, while twitter, facebook, instragram and patreon became more and more tight-wound, i always found tumblr a safe haven to post my free & joyful naked art and photos. 

i don’t know what kind of world we are coming to - in 2018 - when the naked female body really causes so much distress because people are so afraid of the power it represents.

i was so, so, so excited to post my non-censored album cover here today.

i’ve been working on this album, which is titled THERE WILL BE NO INTERMISSION - for six years, and the album cover, which is full frontal, wasn’t chosen randomly. i knew i’d have to censor it in certain places.

since my last album came out in 2012 (that was “theatre is evil”, my infamous kickstarter record), i’ve been through a lot. i did a TED talk, i wrote a best-selling boo, i had an abortion, i had a son, i moved to the woods, i lost my very best friend to cancer, i had a miscarriage on christmas day shortly after, i watched trump march into the white house, and then i watched brett kavanaugh march into the supreme court.

but all this time, women were marching. louder and louder. i watched women all over the globe light fires in one another’s hearts and brains. i watched women step up and bravely, shamelessly, graphically tell their truths. 

THIS IS WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.

when women are brave and shameless, we are unstoppable.

i am shameless.

i have no shame.

when did that become an insult, to be “shameless”?

WHO WANTS SHAME?

FUCK SHAME.

this record contains 10 of the most honest, vulnerable, funny, sad, dark, and (definitely) shameless songs i’ve ever written. the production is drum-tight, with very few drums: it’s mostly piano and ukulele with a smattering of other instruments, but it’s raw AF.

you can see the full cover, order the record, get tour tickets, etc, here on my website. the first single i dropped is also up there. go listen. the full album drops march 8th and the US/CANADA tour is on sale now.

https://nointermission.amandapalmer.net/

i love you all.

go forth in shamelessness.

The Change is coming.

x

a

And after like three seconds, where we’re all trying to figure out the punchline because the story clearly hadn’t ended, and John Mulaney quietly says, “Has there been tinfoil on my buttons the whole goddamn show?”

She was, in fact, with him, and she did tell him her date’s name. John Mulaney considered this, looked around, and unplugged his microphone. Leaning in to us, he told us that we were going to trick this guy so fuckin hard. He said, “At some point during the show, I am going to stop and say, ‘Well, you guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale,’ and then you guys are all going to scream back ‘WE LOVE MILKSHAKES!’ He’ll be so confused.”

He then continued on with the show as normal, the drinks guy returned to his seat, and that was that for quite a long time. We thought he had forgotten about it until, at some point during what I believe was his McDonald’s drive-thru bit, he shrugged his shoulders and said, “You guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale…”

So I was rereading Harry Potter, when I came across this and thought- what if instead of Cedric Diggory, Cassius Warrington had been chosen to compete in the Triwizard Tournament?

Imagine Dumbledore calling out the name of the Hogwarts champion and it isn’t a Gryffindor, or a Ravenclaw, or even a Hufflepuff, but it’s a Slytherin. A student from a House most people hate.

Imagine Cassius Warrington getting up, and three out of four Houses are booing at him and shouting things like “NO!” or, “We can’t have a Slytherin champion!” or demanding a retry. But he’s a Slytherin- he’s been dealing with this shit since he got sorted, so he keeps his head high and joins the other champions.

Imagine Harry trying to catch Warrington alone because he doesn’t really want to associate with Slytherins (plus Malfoy has this tendency of being around the guy ALL THE TIME since he got chosen), but at the same time he’s also fair enough not to want him to walk into the first task unprepared.

Imagine Warrington walking over to Harry a few months later, and Ron and Hermione both jump into a protective stance, wands out, but instead of attacking Harry he just tells him to stick the egg underwater. (Because Slytherins don’t forget those who helped them out).

Imagine Warrington and Harry helping each other out in the labyrinth.

Imagine Harry being devastated when Peter kills Warrington- because Voldemort doesn’t care what house they’re form, a spare is a spare.

Imagine the uproar that causes among the Slytherins, because some of their parents really are Death Eaters and they know what really happened.

With Trump’s election and the threat of fascism, Twitter user Raphael Bob-Waksberg reminds us of Martin Niemöller’s words after WWII:

“First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Jew.