Author and social critic bell hooks once said that love and abuse cannot coexist. When I look back to my childhood and find abuse there, I find that although I may have been cared for, I was not loved. What I experienced in childhood was, for all I knew, a parenting style and a part of the culture and grew up in. It was not until I grew into my late teens that I realized my childhood was marked by hardships that are referred to as Adverse Childhood Experiences, or ACEs for short.
I discovered that the higher my ACE score, the higher my risk was for prolonged, chronic stress responses, otherwise known as toxic stress. When I learned this, it made more sense why as a child I was always bracing, had nervous ticks, struggled to focus in school, developed a chemical dependency as early as seventh grade, and struggled to let people get close to me.
Childhood is like a blueprint for life and when your childhood home is not safe, the world feels like a particularly unsafe place. In my view, American culture is not built on love — but rather extraction, capitalism, labor, ambition and commerce. As an adult contending with a loveless albeit well-meaning childhood, I’m tasked with reparenting myself and building a new lifestyle.
I start with my little corner of the world by building community, creating art, and dedicating myself to passion-based work. In this journey, I have come to experience love and healing, though healing is not linear and I may always live with the residue of trauma.
Our trauma is not our fault, but our healing is our responsibility as we grow. When we break the cycle for the next generation, we create a culture where healing is accessible and no longer the exception. With a Perspective, I’m Jada Imani Carter.
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