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I don’t know what’s harder,

letting you go,

or letting you stay.

But either way I’m hurting.

And I can’t stop thinking about you, and your hurt.

If I love you as much as I think I do,

I’ll be showing up at your house, your work, with flowers.

Telling you I’m sorry.  That I messed up. 

I think I did.

So I guess I’ll be seeing you soon.

But then, again, I think,

about what’s harder,

letting you go,

Left so many footsteps

In my heart

That now

Like a mad dog

I only know how to growl

when adressed to kind words

While doubting every setence

And i barely contain the urge to bite

At any approximation

Disguising my fear for anger

I keep wondering

How dared you hurt me this much?

You hated me

And because i loved you

I hated myself too

Now that we have parted ways

I can drown you with my words

But I rather you sail away in peace

I won't waste my waves of energy

We'll only create hurricanes

As the sun sets & the last speck of sunlight peeks through I said goodbye to you.

That one time,

When,

You told me you’d never met a man like me and didn’t think you ever would....

When,

You told me I was the first person who loved you for who you were ...

When,

You told me you loved me....

But then,

You you told me you couldn’t afford a distraction , an obstacle...like me

When,

I said it was ok, and I understood

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I’m not happy I haven’t moved on I know you’re wondering Those statements will remain at the back of my heart forever Because I don’t think properly whenever you’re involved I will pine for you Until I know that you’ve moved on and that you’ve graced some woman with a version of you that is unselfish I will pine for you Maybe indefinitely I’ve perfected the art of hiding before And now after I’m enamored of you I’ve always been and I always will be I’m not happy I want you to be I can’t add to your happiness It seems no one can I thought I was at least close I realize that maybe everything All of it was for you That there is no room for me You place yourself in a box To ward off everyone around you Until you sense you’re losing them And then you try to make up for it To save face? To gain access? I wouldn’t know Stop all of it I don’t want that I don’t want to enjoy the best parts of you on the verge of anger I want bliss Not the sparks Not the romance The consistency of security Your warm body holding onto mine I only asked for that and it was too much You felt trapped Butterfly.. My beautiful butterfly Where will you fly next? Will you kiss the neck of another long-haired stranger and call it love? Will you text her “I miss you’s” and then show no desire to fit her into your life? Will you tell her how it is and tell her what it will be in hopes that it’d push her into the arms of a more suitable lover? Butterfly, will you believe you are worthy of her? Of love, I mean Do you push it away? Are you addicted to the superficial kind? The type that doesn’t know who you are Who you really are That gives you the chance to be someone that you’re not Because maybe you don’t want to be you Aren’t you tired, butterfly? My butterfly Is there regret in your heart A regret that makes you better for someone else and not me? Well I’d like that for you, my baby I would love for you to find love Don’t trap yourself Into a lifelong journey of flying to avoid regrets Rest, my butterfly Allow yourself to get caught Enjoy it Let go Don’t hide Stay around even when the flowers don’t smell as sweet I want to see you that happy I promise not to distract you in the arms of your future lovers Goodbye butterfly..