Red Eyes Black Chicken

Happy bush shoeing anniversary :-) ❤️🎉

one time my mom started laughing out of the blue and i asked her what was funny. she said, “i was just thinking about that time someone threw a shoe at george w bush”

al-Zaidi remains one of my personal heroes. 

the real lie about who gives kids presents at christmas isn’t that they’re from santa (bc everyone over the age of 10 knows that), it’s that they’re from mum ‘and dad’ because 90% of fathers see taking an interest in their kids’ likes and hobbies, let alone actually planning and shopping for things that are ‘from’ them, as something they can opt out of (and nobody talks about it!!!!!!!)

He cookin

are you telling me all of those are real songs and not just aesthetics tumblr made up

Listen, I didn’t believe it either, but that’s absolutely what I’m telling you.

“YOU KNEEL BEFORE MY THRONE UNAWARE THAT IT WAS BORN OF LIES” IS ONE OF THE GREATEST SENTENCES I’VE EVER READ AND I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE IT’S ON A POST ABOUT BULLSHITTING ON ASSIGNMENTS.

I laughed out loud in the middle of a staff meeting.

I have yet to see a “not all men” and I’m surprised. 

On some real shit, I do not fuck with people who ride those boat things at the carnival. People who get on those do not give a fuck about life, they don’t care about you, ya mama or your kids. They literally have nothing to lose. You don’t care about life so there’s no need for me to fight you because you’re not going to give a damn about my face. 

12? I got on this bitch when I was 21 and had my head in my ex’s shoulder the ENTIRE time. Screaming like a bih too. Nope. Never again. I was praying to the gravity gods the entire time.

?????? All it does is swing back and forth???? I don’t understand the concern??????

centrifugal force keeps you in your seat.

Centrifugal force isn’t keeping me from crying tho

why is this so funny

the distinction between “crafts” and “fine art” is probably driven by misogyny and the devaluation of women’s labor

art forms that have traditionally been practiced by women like embroidery are devalued and called just “crafts” while art forms that women historically were mostly barred from (painting, sculpture) are “fine art”

can confirm!! i work at a craft store & the sheer number of women i’ve met who devalue the incredible creations they’ve made (ex: beautiful elaborate needlepoint that took years to do, or a massive art quilt) & call them “just a little craft” is wild. crafts are art. 100% fuck anyone who says otherwise.

What if you intentionally put in one squeaky floorboard and tell your regulars that if they squeak it, their first drink costs 10% extra, then only new people who don’t know the rule will step on it and familiars will avoid it.

Did… did you just write an algorithm for human behavior? Because that is exactly what I would expect from a robot appreciation Tumblr.