Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
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@mrvampirechicken
Today in History: December 14. The Bush shoeing incident
Happy bush shoeing anniversary :-) ❤️🎉
one time my mom started laughing out of the blue and i asked her what was funny. she said, “i was just thinking about that time someone threw a shoe at george w bush”
al-Zaidi remains one of my personal heroes.
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the real lie about who gives kids presents at christmas isn’t that they’re from santa (bc everyone over the age of 10 knows that), it’s that they’re from mum ‘and dad’ because 90% of fathers see taking an interest in their kids’ likes and hobbies, let alone actually planning and shopping for things that are ‘from’ them, as something they can opt out of (and nobody talks about it!!!!!!!)
@pea-green hey look, more fuel for your rage
He cookin
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I was a little late to the Hozier party. I mean I loved Take Me To Church and I laughed at the dark forest prince memes and I even reblogged them, but I figured it was all kind of a tumblr exaggeration.
Then I listened to his album, wherein he sings about:
decomposing in a field with his love and getting eaten by foxes
being dug out of the dirt by his love, who he implores to kiss him “like real people do”, implying that neither of them are real people
observing the world as an outsider (“happy to lie back, watch it burn and rust; we tried the world, good god it wasn’t for us”)
rising from his grave to crawl home to his love
“the bog man”
and I realized, no, he’s just Like That.
are you telling me all of those are real songs and not just aesthetics tumblr made up
Listen, I didn’t believe it either, but that’s absolutely what I’m telling you.
kinda funny when english teachers say stuff like “i can tell if you didnt read the book” or “i can tell when people bs their paper”
no you cant. you can tell when people are bad at bs-ing their paper. i didnt even read the sparknotes and i barely skimmed the wikipedia and you gave me an A. you kneel before my throne unaware that it was born of lies
“YOU KNEEL BEFORE MY THRONE UNAWARE THAT IT WAS BORN OF LIES” IS ONE OF THE GREATEST SENTENCES I’VE EVER READ AND I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE IT’S ON A POST ABOUT BULLSHITTING ON ASSIGNMENTS.
“His husband”
“Her wife”
me coming to kill the author because all art has inherent meaning even if its creator thinks it doesnt
When women want to fuck monsters:
When men want to fuck monsters:
Conclusion: men are fucking cowards.
I laughed out loud in the middle of a staff meeting.
I have yet to see a “not all men” and I’m surprised.
via @trillgutterbug
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this is my new favorite tweet ever
On some real shit, I do not fuck with people who ride those boat things at the carnival. People who get on those do not give a fuck about life, they don’t care about you, ya mama or your kids. They literally have nothing to lose. You don’t care about life so there’s no need for me to fight you because you’re not going to give a damn about my face.
THIS JOINT!!!!
BITCHHHHHHH. I got on this shit when I was 12. Wasn’t no bar, no protection, nothing in that shit. I didn’t realize until it was too late. You couldn’t pay me to ever get on this shit ever again in my life. We were in Landover, this shit almost smooth flipped my ass to Baltimore. No. Never again.
12? I got on this bitch when I was 21 and had my head in my ex’s shoulder the ENTIRE time. Screaming like a bih too. Nope. Never again. I was praying to the gravity gods the entire time.
?????? All it does is swing back and forth???? I don’t understand the concern??????
centrifugal force keeps you in your seat.
Centrifugal force isn’t keeping me from crying tho
why is this so funny
Turid the Paladin by Bergholtz
the distinction between “crafts” and “fine art” is probably driven by misogyny and the devaluation of women’s labor
art forms that have traditionally been practiced by women like embroidery are devalued and called just “crafts” while art forms that women historically were mostly barred from (painting, sculpture) are “fine art”
can confirm!! i work at a craft store & the sheer number of women i’ve met who devalue the incredible creations they’ve made (ex: beautiful elaborate needlepoint that took years to do, or a massive art quilt) & call them “just a little craft” is wild. crafts are art. 100% fuck anyone who says otherwise.
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>opens Art of Mass Effect
>sobs at what could have been
What if you intentionally put in one squeaky floorboard and tell your regulars that if they squeak it, their first drink costs 10% extra, then only new people who don’t know the rule will step on it and familiars will avoid it.
Did… did you just write an algorithm for human behavior? Because that is exactly what I would expect from a robot appreciation Tumblr.
