Enjin’s face looked unusually pale, and those golden eyes that always flashed with mischief were now dull, like dying embers. He tried to offer you a smile, but it broke before it could even form; it was a painfully false mask of composure. When he reached out to caress your cheek, you flinched away, unable to process the coldness of the situation.
He didn't protest. He lowered his gaze and murmured in a husky voice:
"I’m fine... You have no reason to worry."
"Fine?" The laugh that escaped your throat sounded broken, laced with an irony you couldn't contain. "I can't believe you. You were a breath away from death, and you expect me to swallow that stupid smile of yours..."
The heat of tears began to spill down your cheeks before you could stop them. You brought a hand to your chest; the anguish burned inside you, as if the very air hurt as it entered your lungs.
"Enjin, I... I was so scared," you confessed in a thread of a voice.
Your vision blurred completely. The world around you lost its axis and your legs gave out, yielding to the weight of the residual panic. But you didn't hit the ground. Before you could fall, his arms wrapped around you with desperate firmness, locking you against his chest in an embrace that tried to piece together both of your broken parts.
You heard the echo of a shaky sigh in his chest.
"I don't know what to say..." His voice sounded so dull, so stripped of his usual arrogance, that it completely shattered you. "I was scared too."
Your eyes snapped open against his shoulder. While the room kept spinning, your only anchor to reality was the scent of tobacco and perfume emanating from his clothes.
"I was terrified of never seeing you again," he continued, squeezing you tighter against him, as if fearing you might vanish. "Of never hearing your voice, of your smile becoming nothing but a memory."
"Stop, Enjin... please," you pleaded, hiding your face in his neck.
"I was afraid of dying far away from you," he confessed in a whisper that vibrated against your skin.
You pulled back just enough to look into his eyes, searching for the truth in his gaze.
"Don't lie... Do you really think that would have been okay?"
A solitary tear traced a path down Enjin's cheek, betraying his facade of steel. Clumsily, you reached out to wipe it away. Sensing your touch, he caught your fingers, bringing them to his lips to press a chaste but desperate kiss against your skin.
"I don't want you to die," you whispered, and with your free hand, you traced the edges of his bandaged wounds with infinite tenderness.
He didn't even flinch at the physical pain. On the contrary, he closed his eyes, surrendering entirely to the warmth of your touch, as if your hands possessed the power to heal the soul that had almost slipped away from him.
"I don't want to die," he admitted, opening his eyes to lock them onto yours. "But if fate forces me to... I wouldn't want you there to see it."
Your heart tightened. Even though his words tried to protect you by pushing you away from his tragedy, the silent plea in his golden eyes screamed the exact opposite: he was begging you not to let go.
"Stop it," you said, torn between the angry impulse to hit him for being so reckless and the fervent desire to kiss him just to make sure he was still alive.
Enjin seemed to read your torment. A spark of his old self returned to his eyes, and the corner of his lips tugged upward.
"Come on, doll... you're not getting rid of me that easily."
Even at the edge of the abyss, he couldn't stop joking. That tiny flash of arrogance brought your soul back into your body; it relieved you to know that, no matter what happened, Enjin would always be Enjin. He was someone who would embrace death without a second thought if it meant fulfilling his purpose. You knew it, you understood it, and you loved him for it... But as you watched him smile through your tears, you couldn't help but wonder: if his devotion was so pure, why did loving him have to hurt so much?
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