moonyaugust

Thinking about her first night in Hogwarts. She and Edgar had spent the train journey with Jamie, who could’ve spent his last train ride with his friends. He had duties to attend to while on the train. Most of his friends ditched their responsibilities to spend the ride together, but he ditched because his little sister and his little brother asked him to. He spent the entire time going through everything they needed to know about Hogwarts.

If you’re going to be late for any lesson, don’t let it be McGonagall's.

Peeves is an inconvenience and will say and do things to annoy you but he won’t hurt you.

Don’t bother going into the Forbidden Forest, it’s not worth it and you could get hurt.

Here’s every single time the stairs will move and how to avoid them.

By the time they reached Hogwarts, Amelia felt like she had gone through her seven years already. She recognised Hagrid just by his accent, and Hagrid recognised her and Edgar just by their similarities to Jamie.

“You must be Jamie’s brother and sister,” he greeted them warmly. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

Throughout the entire trip from London to the Great Hall, Amelia had a tight grip on Edgar. She clutched his sleeve like it was some form of life jacket, not even thinking about what she would do when the time came for her to let go.

Her name was called to the sorting hat before his.

She thinks about this moment a lot while she dances, for it was the moment that inevitably changed her life.

Edgar was the loud one growing up. He was the one who inherited all of the confidence and pride that their parents had. Amelia was in the shadows of it all, letting her brother do all the talking for her.

She assumes she got away with her unexplained shyness simply because she was a girl. It didn’t matter that she was the elder of the two, it was the brother’s job to protect his sister, and it was the sister’s job to ground her brother.

Edgar spent his time outside with the neighbours, playing Quidditch during the day and practising his piano during the nights, never shying away from any type of crowd. Meanwhile, Amelia enjoyed the quiet swiftness of her skates against the ice. She had tried competing for a while, but got stage fright every time, in the end, her parents didn’t see spending all of the money worth it.

Edgar never understood how she could have such a talent but not want to show it off.

But she was simply just shy as a kid. She didn’t need to talk, she had Edgar for that. She didn’t need to do anything on her own, because Edgar was always right by her side. Where he went, she followed, it was just how they worked.

So during the sorting ceremony, when McGonagall called out her name first, Amelia learnt how to find her own path for the very first time. From that moment on, she would find herself in front of her brother more often than not, trusting that he would follow her.

That first night was the only time he did.

Both of them were sorted into Hufflepuff, which was expected considering James had also been, along with a good chunk of their other family. Hufflepuff was good. Hufflepuff was safe.

Hufflepuff was also the house which Caradoc Dearborn and Bathsheda Babbling were sorted into, along with Fabian and Gideon Prewett.

Twins. Another pair of twins in the same year, in the same house.

To many, it might not seem like a lot, certainly not enough to make friends based on that fact alone, but apparently to Amelia, Edgar, Fabian and Gideon, it was everything and more.

Jamie had told them time and time again about how fast you can make friends while at Hogwarts. He liked the house system because it put those who were alike together. Amelia had never truly believed him for fear that she would be too heartbroken if Edgar made friends without her, but on the first night, it was she who made the first move towards Fabian and Gideon.

“You’re twins?” She asked them quietly.

They both nodded, terribly out of sync with each other. “You also?”

Amelia and Edgar also nodded and the rest, as they say, is history.

From that moment on they also befriended Caradoc, and he introduced them to his best friend Benjy Fenwick, who introduced them to his potions partner Pandora Ollivander, and by the time of the 1972 Winter Olympics in their second year, Amelia was watching Beatrix Schuba win gold surrounded by the best friends she had ever had.

Pandora squeezed her hand as they watched the scores light up the screen. The seven of them had stolen a television from the Muggle Studies classroom and were all huddled up in the boy's dorm as they watched. It was the middle of the night, and not live, but it was more than enough.

Pandora and Benjy had stayed the night in the Hufflepuff common room that night. The first of many sleepovers.

Their friendship group wasn’t as tight knit as others may have been, but to Amelia, they were everything. Those early years at Hogwarts with her six best friends were the most carefree and happy she had ever been.

As she dances, their years together go through her mind in flashes.

She remembers the time Caradoc blew up his poison so badly that they had to evacuate the class.

She remembers the prank war she, Edgar, Fabian and Gideon had with The Marauders, those four annoying boys from the year below.

She remembers when Caradoc and Benjy first got together, when they first caught Gideon kissing Jordanna Bodiment on the train, when Edgar finally got with Emmeline Vance.

She remembers every halloween/birthday party that she, Edgar, Fabian and Gideon threw in the Hufflepuff common room.

She remembers all of the times she knew that Edgar, Fabian and Gideon were born to be her best friends.

Like when they learnt how to cast the patronus charm in their seventh year.

“Think of a happy thought,” Professor Brooks kept saying as he circled the class. “Don’t stress about getting it right as soon as possible. This is a hard spell and we’ll have two more lessons to master it.”

Benjy was the first out of them to succeed, surprising absolutely nobody but Gideon, who had gone against Edgar, Fabian, Caradoc and Pandora and betted that Amelia would be the first in the year to get it, while they all betted on Benjy. As head boy and girl it was known to everyone that one of them was going to be first.

Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts.

Pandora was next, and very quickly after Benjy, for everyone was still admiring his cameleon when the horse flew out of Pandora’s wand, the rest of the class shaking their heads between the two animals, not knowing which one was more impressive.

The next lesson, it was Fabian, whose patronus was a small, yet beautiful blue tit, which flew across the room and chased Alistair Ballcoke for a good two minutes before Professor Brooks told him to call it back.

Gideon wasn’t far behind with his owl, then it was Caradoc and his tabby cat and by the end of the lesson, even Edgar had managed it by producing a raven.

Amelia, however, was yet to make more than a spark.

“You just gotta think bird,” Fabian kept saying, making her roll her eyes every time.

His words seemed to have the same effect on Pandora. “Thinking about what form you want it to take doesn’t have any impact.”

Fabian shrugged. “It could help.”

“It might not even be a bird.”

“It’s going to be a bird.”

Amelia ignored them all, and tried her hardest to seem like being one of the last in the class to get the spell right wasn’t eating her alive. Magic had always come so easily for her, so why was she finding this one so hard? Even Edgar managed to get it before her.

“You’re overthinking it,” Benjy answered her unasked question. He was sitting next to her on the grass, as the others were supposed to be practising their Transfiguration key spells, but had gotten distracted five times since they started.

“What gave it away?” She asked, deadpanned.

Benjy chucked. “You curl your lips intently whenever you really concentrate on something. It’s a really bad look for you by the way.”

Amelia sighed. “Are you actually planning on being helpful, or are you going to continue to mock my looks?”

“I was planning on doing the first one, but this happens so little I have to make the most of it,” he smiled.

She didn’t smile back, just buried her head back into her book and tried not to take her frustration out on her friends who were just having fun. Eventually, Caradoc came over to sit on her other side. “You’re going to get it,” he reassured her. “Panicking won’t help.”

“I’m not panicking,” she said back, sharply. “I’m just… concentrating.”

“What memory are you using?” Benjy asked.

“When I got Headgirl. My parents kept telling me they were proud for a week.”

Fabian laughed. “I’m going to pretend that it doesn’t hurt that I’m not involved in your happiest memory.”

Benjy waved him off, before turning back to her. “Is that really the happiest you’ve ever been?”

Yes. she thought immediately. Her entire life has been set up for her to be Head Girl. Not only was Jamie Head Boy while he was in school, but her parents had always told people that Amelia was set to become a leader one day. They believed that she would get it and she proved them right. It wasn’t the first time her parents had told her they were proud of her, but it was the only time she had truly believed them.

But, despite his silence, Amelia could feel her brother's eyes on her. He was pissing around with Gideon and Pandora, but now he looked at her harshly. She spun her head round, catching him in the act. “What?” she snapped.

Edgar’s eyes fell to the floor as he shrugged. “It’s your memory,” he muttered before looking back up at her. “But, it’s definitely not the happiest I’ve ever seen you.”

Amelia crossed her arms. “Okay, Mr Know It All, what’s the happiest I’ve ever been then?”

Edgar shrugged again, this time a small smile creeping onto his face. “I don’t know, but it isn’t that.”

“He’s right,” Benjy butted in. “You’ll never get it if you’re focusing on the happiness of others, rather than your own.”

“But I was happy!”

“You were happy, because your parents were happy,” Caradoc said. “Thats not the same thing, and it’s definitely not powerful enough for a Patronus.”

“Well, what is powerful enough for a Patronus?” Amelia asked, feeling her frustration build up with every word.

Caradoc gave her a knowing smile and shrugged. “I can’t tell you that. But it’s in there somewhere. You just gotta know what to look for.”

It sounds unrealistic to say, and every time she thinks the memory through, Amelia believes more and more that she must be overdramatising it, but she can’t remember it any other way, for as soon as those words left Caradoc's mouth, Amelia turned her head, and there was Pandora, beaming at her in the sunlight.

They had only locked eyes for a second. Fabian was seconds away from squirting water at her from his wand, but just the one look was enough to tell Amelia everything she needed to know.

The next afternoon she refused to hesitate before casting the spell. With Pandora’s smile in mind, she didn’t need to think at all, only feel, and less than a second later a dove was soaring through the room, the perfect patronus, summoned by a perfect memory.

So, Edgar, Fabian and Gideon were her soulmates, Benjy and Caradoc were her rocks, and Pandora was so much more.

She had always been more.

When Amelia first realised that she was in love with Pandora Ollivander she was fourteen, and it was Halloween.

Every year Amelia, Edgar, Fabian and Gideon would hold a joint birthday/halloween party in the Hufflepuff common room. It started out as a joke, the four of them realised in their first year that their birthdays were a month apart, and wanted to have a big party with everyone in attendance but knew that nobody would show up for four firsties less than a term into the year, so they told everyone the party was for Halloween and only mentioned their birthdays when Benjy and Caradoc brought out the cakes.

For their third year together, Amelia was in charge of their costumes, and couldn’t think of anything other than making the boys dress up as various winter sports. She was dressed in one of her favourite costumes, while Edgar was a hockey player, Fabian a snowboarder and Gideon a skier. Pandora was gorgeous, and dressed as Sleeping Beauty that night.

Amelia had been talking to Gaspard Shingleton, a Ravenclaw from their year who sat next to her in Potions and Charms. He had been talking to her all night, and every now and then would awkwardly try to hold her hand or pat her shoulder.

“Just imagine it!” he was saying. “You wouldn’t have to worry so much about your arm tiring out in potions anymore – I think it’s definitely doable.”

Amelia smiled and nodded as he spoke. Once in potions she complained that her arms were getting tired from all the stirring they had to do for that particular potion, and now Gaspard was showing her blueprints for a self-stiring cauldron that he was inventing.

He had a habit of that. Every time anyone in their class mentioned something that was particularly draining to them, he would come to class the next day with a solution and claim that he was going to build and sell it. So far, everything that he had started had never gotten past the prototype stage. He kept getting distracted with whatever was complained about next.

He had been talking for half an hour about his new self-stiring cauldron idea, and Amelia was almost at the point of faking a headache just to get away. He had repeated himself at least five times, and at this point she was beginning to believe that she could invent the cauldron herself through pure memory of his imaginary blueprints.

Gaspard breathed heavily when he realised he didn’t have any more drink left. He awkwardly looked around, probably for the drinks table before taking another deep breath. Amelia had been about to ask him if he was okay, but didn’t have a chance to get a word out before he had turned back to her and quicker then she had seen him do anything, leaned in to kiss her.

Luckily it was only a peck. Gaspard pulled away as quickly as he leaned in. His face had turned a bright red as his eyes searched hers. He didn’t say anything, and neither did she. She just ran.

Her first kiss. That was how her first kiss was going to go? By a guy she doesn’t like with zero build up or agreement? The idea of anyone else knowing about it made her feel sick. What would her friends say? She couldn’t go dating Gaspard, she didn’t want to. But wasn’t first kisses supposed to be special?

She stopped once outside of the basement, settling on the stairs to catch her thoughts.

She had never been against finding someone at school, she was actually quite excited for it in first year. Her parents had met at Hogwarts, and so had Jamie and his wife. It was extremely common in the wizarding world to not only marry young, but to marry someone you met while at school. After all, unless you were with a muggle, a foreigner, or someone seven years younger, or older than you, then you were attending the same school as your future spouse.

The thought originally gave Amelia comfort, imagining an easy future with someone she could so easily meet and get to know. But now, in her third year, she had realised that she was almost halfway through her time at Hogwarts, and had met no boy she fancied yet. Not even the slightest of crushes had occurred.

The boys got crushes. Gideon had already had three girlfriends, and Fabian and Edgar had also already had their first kiss. Amelia was falling behind with no way of catching up. Not unless the man of her dreams joined Hogwarts in a few years (and considering they would be eleven, that was extremely unlikely.)

She didn’t know how long she was sat there, but it was expected that eventually someone would notice she was gone and go looking for her. That someone was Pandora.

“There you are!” she said, as she joined her on the stairs. “We’re about to bring the cakes out.”

Amelia smiled briefly. “Just needed a moment,” she said. Then, after a second of consideration, decided to be truthful. “Gaspard Shingleton kisses me.”

Pandora’s face lit up. “And?” she prompted.

She sighed, almost feeling bad for bursting her bubble. “I don't know.” she shrugged. “I don’t like him that way.”

Pandora nodded. “Okay, well who do you like that way?”

Amelia thought very hard. “No one as of yet, but if he was to exist he would have a be kind.”

“Gaspard is kind.”

“I know he’s kind. But he can’t just be that. He has to be… determined, and lively, and a good listener.”

“Well that’s less like Gaspard.”

“Because I don’t like Gaspard,” she said. “He’d also need lighter hair. Gaspard has the exact same hair colour as my brothers and I refuse to be with anyone who looks like them.”

“So someone who looks nothing like you?” Pandora laughed lightly. “Like me?”

She said it as a joke. Amelia would have to keep reminding herself that it was supposed to be a joke. Pandora did look nothing like her. They had different styles, different hair colours, different eye colours, and different skin colours. It was supposed to be a joke, but it woke something up inside of Amelia that at the time she couldn’t explain.

She thought about Pandora, and the more she thought, the more she wished it was her that kissed her that night. And the more she thought that, she more disgusted she became.

It wasn’t an option. Pandora had been crushing on Xenophilius Lovegood from the year above since she met him. And Amelia wasn’t like that. She liked boys, she had to.

But, as time went on, she started to see the signs everywhere. The way her cheeks grew red when she noticed the curves of Bathsheda as they were getting changed. How she was discovering little crushes that she had on celebrities growing up.

The years went by, and eventually, the not knowing became too much to bear, so Amelia did what every girl at Hogwarts did when they didn’t know how they felt; she went to Wendy Slinkhard.

Wendy was a Gryffindor in her year, and the go to girl to explore your sexuality with. Amelia had heard some of the girls in the toilets speaking about it in hushed tones. Wendy was a lesbian, and very out and proud, despite the constant harassment she got from some of their classmates. Word on the street was that she liked sex, and was willing to have it with any girl she could.

“So – Do you think you’re – Y’know – That?” One of the girls asked.

The other let out a soft chuckle. “If I am, I know who I’ll be calling next.”

It took Amelia two weeks in fifth year to decide that she wanted to have sex with a woman, and five more to work up the courage to ask Wendy for it.

When she did, Wendy smirked and bit the top of her pen. (She never used quills, it was the Muggleborn in her.) “Well, I must say Bones, you’re probably the last person I thought I’d have knocking on my door.”

Amelia swallowed hard, feeling foolish at the way Wendy’s strong American accent (that she had never taken much note of before) swayed her. She cleared her throat. “Well, you hardly know me,” she stuttered out. “I’m not as much of a priss as you think I am.”

Wendy’s smile grew as she looked her up and down. “Does your brother know you’re here?”

At this, Amelia couldn’t help but roll her eyes. She wasn’t that naive to see that Wendy was clearly putting on some sort of character here. She wanted to be intimidating, and if they were going to get anywhere she had to show her that she meant what she was saying. “I know things might be different where you’re from, but in Europe we don’t share our sex lives with our siblings.”

Wendy nodded, still smiling, and stood up from her seat. “How soon?” she asked, leaning on the table.

“As soon as possible.”

“Eager, aren’t we?” She took one last long look before straightening up and grabbing her bag. “Meet me in Gryffindor Tower twenty minutes after dinner starts. I’ll let you into my dorm, no one will be there, and I promise no one will see you go in or out.”

“What about dinner?” Amelia asked, without thinking. Immediately feeling childish for worrying.

Wendy didn’t look discouraged. “Don’t worry. I’ll provide.” And with that, she was gone.

*

Luckily, Wendy meant provide in the literal sense. When Amelia met her at the agreed time, after faking a headache to her friends, she led her through the empty Gryffindor common room and down the stairs towards her dorm. There she had two plates of a roast dinner already made and on a table in the corner of the room, all wrapped up and kept warm under a heated plate. “We can either eat together afterwards, or if you prefer, I’ll leave you alone for a bit,” she said as Amelia eyed the food, already feeling her mouth water at the sight of it. “Don’t feel pressured to eat it all either. I didn’t know what you liked so I just grabbed a bit of everything.”

“No, it’s perfect. I like pretty much everything anyway,” Amelia replied, fearing that she may end up falling in love by the time the night ended.

Wendy nodded, already unbuttoning her shirt. “Have you ever had sex before?”

Amelia shook her head as she watched, wondering if she should be doing the same.

“That’s not a problem, I’ll lead.” She finished with her buttons, but didn’t take her shirt off completely. Instead, she took Amelia’s waist, slowly but surely, and when Amelia showed no signs of a protest, pulled her towards the bed until she fell on top of it. “We’ll go slow. Tell me what feels good.”

Amelia had never kissed anyone before, and in the moment regretted not even trying to get her first kiss out of the way before jumping straight into the deep end. Thankfully, Wendy must’ve been used to the inexperienced and didn’t at all seem turned off by her careless mirroring.

As promised, they went slow, and when Amelia wanted to speed up, they did that too. Wendy was kinder than expected, and more beautiful than she had ever been. It surprised Amelia, the way how their time together was actually treated like an experiment and less like Wendy just wanting to have sex. She explained everything that she was about to do, she like her feel everything possible, and in the end, didn’t even expect much back. (Though Amelia definitely gave her more than enough back. It was the least she could do, and she didn’t know when she would have the opportunity again.)

In the end, she didn’t fall in love, not with Wendy at least, but she did know for certain. This was nothing that a man could make her feel, and this was everything she wanted to feel with Pandora. Amelia wanted to be more than her friend. Amelia loved her more than a friend.

It was possibly the worst thing that had ever happened to her. A woman being with another woman was unnatural in every way, or at least that’s what her parents had told her growing up. For a moment, the Bones family had lived near a couple of lesbians when Amelia and Edgar were small. They had gone door to door introducing themselves to the neighbours.

When they arrived at their door, Amelia’s mother had assumed that they were sisters, and once corrected, slammed the door in their face.

“Absolute filth,” she told the father over dinner. “This is a family home, and they tried to bring that filth here!”

Amelia’s father shook his head. “It’s the kids these days, they want to be special. One day they’ll grow up and want to start a family of their own, then what?”

They had the same conversation over and over again. Anytime anything queer was mentioned, Mother would say something about it being filth, and Father would say something about wanting to start a family. When Ameila was eleven, Jamie added in his own line.

“They just want to seem cool.”

Over the years she tried to get over her feelings for Pandora, but she knew that there was no changing it.

Still, she didn’t tell anyone until her seventh year, and of course when she did, it was to Edgar.

It wasn’t planned, and took two attempts.

On the first one she was drunk. It was their 18th birthday and Fabian and Gideon had dragged both of them out of the common room and into the Three Broomsticks the moment midnight hit.

“Caradoc, Benjy and Panda too tired to go out?” Edgar asked as the four of them finished their first round of drinks.

Fabian shook his head, standing up to collect all of their glasses. “Caradoc said he wanted to take full advantage of having the dorm to himself. He snuck Benjy in right after we left, and Pandora wasn’t feeling it.”

“She wasn’t feeling it?” Amelia repeated, despite knowing exactly what he meant. They were only a month into the school year and Pandora had complained about not being able to see her boyfriend every day, completely shattering any fantasies Amelia had of getting her best friend back that year. Between Xenophilius and her new Slytherin friends, it felt like Pandora was drifting further and further away.

“Sorry Lia, I tried to convince her,” Fabian said. “Another double Firewhisky coke for everyone?”

“I’ll have mine straight,” Amelia replied, not thinking.

“Oh, I see how it is,” Gideon laughed. “Make mine straight too.”

Fabian nodded then turned to Edgar who simply shook his head. “I’ll just have a Butterbeer,” he said, barely getting his words out before Fabian slammed his hand on the table.

“No! No, no, no, no, no. It’s your birthday, you’re having a drink.”

“I had a drink,” Edgar argued. “You know the rules, Fab.”

“It’s a stupid rule. Alcoholism isn't genetic, and even if it was, neither of you two seem to be going off the deep end. Just have one night when you both drink please.”

Edgar shook his head. “If I get drunk then who's going to get you idiots back to the castle?”

“Gideon will.”

“Wh – Why me?”

“Because you’re the responsible one.”

“Since when?”

“Okayyy, I’m getting bored now,” Amelia stood up. “I’m going to get three straight firewhiskey’s and a butterbeer.”

“It’s your eighteenth birthday,” Fabian continued to protest. “You deserve to get drunk together.”

“I don’t want to get drunk,” Edgar said, standing up also, and taking the empty glasses out of Fabian's hands. “I’ll go with her.”

Fabian made a face, but wasn’t given enough time to complain as Amelia and Edgar were already halfway to the bar before he could open his mouth.

“I'm sorry about Pandora,” Edgar said once they were out of earshot. “She probably just needs some time to get used to Xeno not being here.”

“I know,” Amelia replied quietly. “It just sucks.” She focused her attention on Rosmerta behind the bar, who was about to take her order before something behind Amelia caught her eye.

“Oi!” she yelled, banging her fist on the bar to get the attention of two girls who were tucked away in one of the booths. “None of that here!”

The two girls hesitantly moved away from each other, and after one shared look hurried out of the door, leaving their half full pints behind.

Rosemerta watched them leave before turning back to Amelia and Edgar. “I don’t have a problem with it,” she murmured to them. “But if you want to be a bender, you can do it in your own homes. Nobody here wants to see that.”

Neither of them said anything in response. Edgar told her their order and they took them back to the table in silence.

That night she drank so much she had to be carried to bed.

She nearly pushed Edgar down the stairs five times on their way up to her dorm. “Merlin Lia, when did you get so heavy?” he complained, dropping her on her bed.

Amelia murmured as he took off her shoes. Bathsheda was snoring from her own side of the room, but she didn’t want to wait until morning to say what she wanted to say. She had promised herself that by the time she was 18 she would be different. That included telling her brother about her true feelings for their friend.

She wanted to tell him. There was nothing else in the universe that she wanted more in that moment, but what happened in the Three Broomsticks had been replaying in her head. She wasn’t a fool. She knew what people thought about gay people, and she had heard her parents talk long enough to grasp their opinion on it.

If Edgar was like them (and there was no concrete evidence that he wasn’t) then she’d be ruined. She’d lose not only her twin, but her best friend, and probably all of her other friends with him. “

“I love you,” she started.

“I love you too,” he said back casually, still moving round the room.

She stopped him by taking his hand, “No, Ed, I mean it. I love you.”

Edgar looked down at her confused. “You okay, Lia?”

She nodded. “I just need to tell you something, and you may not love me anymore when you find out, so I’m making the most of it now.”

Edgar took a while to reply. “Amelia, nothing could make me stop loving you,” he eventually said. “You know that, right?”

He almost fooled her. One more word and she would’ve been telling him every tiny detail about her love for girls, but even drunk she was smarter than that. “Never say never,” she said, before turning over and falling asleep.

Luckily, Edgar allowed her to keep her dignity by never bringing their conversation up. It was almost as if it never happened, and somehow Amelia found dread and comfort in that.

She did want to tell him, and she had faith that what he said was true. He had never spoken ill about gay people before, and was still friends with Fabian, even after he told them that he was bisexual in their fourth year. But Edgar wasn’t exactly happy about it. After they found out that Fabian had secretly been seeing Remus Lupin, he declared a war on The Marauders, causing the eight of them to spend that Christmas playing pranks on each other until one of them gave up. (It went on for so long that Fabian and Remus weren’t even still together by the time they surrendered.)

Was that because Fabian was with a guy, or because Fabian was with a Marauder?

Did it even matter? If Edgar was going to bend his morals for someone surely it would be her.

She kept doubting until she knew for certain that they were on the same team. That day being the day Hufflepuff went against Ravenclaw in Quidditch. It was Edgar's last first game at Hogwarts, and he had spent the entire summer holidays and first few months back at school making Quidditch his first priority. He had been slacking off homework, and staying up late every night to make sure that their house won the cup, only for him to catch the snitch too early during their first game.

He had locked himself in his dorm the moment the game ended, and Amelia knocked on it for two hours, only stopping when he eventually opened it.

“You give me grey hairs,” she told him, after almost squeezing him to death. Pulling him towards his own bed where they both sat side by side.

Edgar leaned his head on the headboard, his red eyes were refusing to meet hers. “How bad is it?” he asked. “Does everyone hate me now?”

Amelia shook her head. “Some people were mad, until Fabian, Gideon and I yelled at them. Mostly everyone is just worried.”

“Everyone?”

“Everyone that matters."

“Mhm – Thanks for defending me.”

“Of course. Anytime.”

They hung with those words for a moment. Anytime. She truly meant it. Edgar was the one person in the world who could do anything, and she would always take his side, whether he was right or wrong. There was nobody she wanted to keep in her life more, and if the choice ever came to choose against him or their parents, she knew she would choose her brother in a heartbeat.

She wasn’t the only one thinking it. “Even against Mum and Dad?” Edgar asked hesitantly.

Amelia’s answer was immediate. “Even against Mum and Dad,” she confirmed, praying to every God that he felt the same way.

“Would you defend me against Mum and Dad?” She asked, feeling brave.

Edgar laughed. “What do you need defending against? Lia, they love you.”

“Can you just – Answer the question please,” she pushed with a shaky voice.

Finally, he looked at her. “Yes,” he answered softly. “Of course I would. Is this – Is this about the other night? What you said on our birthday?”

He was onto her. Of course he was, she was being anything but subtle. “What did I say on our birthday?” she asked, playing dumb, then feeling dumb afterwards. This was what she wanted wasn’t it?

Then why was it so hard to just say it?

Shit, what if she already told him and forgot it? Isn’t there this thing where your brain can make you forget bad memories to protect itself? Is that what happened?

Before she could spiral too much, Edgar answered. “Just something about you needing to tell me something, and that you think there’s a possibility of me not loving you after you tell me…”

Her face relaxed, as he continued. “Lia, whatever it is, nothing can make me stop loving you,” he offered. “I mean what’s the worst thing that it can be? Did you get a bad grade or something?”

He was trying to be funny. She was about to ruin their entire relationship, and possibly her life, and he was making jokes about bad grades. Was that all he saw her as? Someone who only cared about school and nothing else? The thought made her heart sink even more.

Needing space, or else she would never get round to actually telling him, Amelia stood up and moved over to Fabian’s bed, hugging one of the posters as she stared at him, wanting to get a good look at him before she threw them both off a cliff. “I really want to hate you sometimes y’know?” she said, not realising how rude she was coming across until after she said it.

Edgar only looked more confused. “You’re jealous of me?” he asked. When she nodded he almost gasped. “But why?” he breathed. “You’re the one succeeding in life.” His eyes started doing the same things hers do when she’s thinking too fast. “Did something happen?” he then asked. “Did someone hurt you? Did –”

“I’m jealous because you’re going to get married!” she spitted out, before she made up a lie to get herself out of confessing.

Frustratedly, he wasn’t very good at reading in between the lines. “I’m lost,” he confessed.

“You’re going to marry Emmeline!” she screamed. “You’re going to marry the person you want to and have children and live happily ever after. I can’t do that.”

“Okay brushing past the exposing my secret crush…”

“Oh, it is a terrible secret!”

“Brushing past that – Why can’t you marry the man that you want?”

Amelia’s arms dropped to her side. Secretly, she had been hoping that he already figured it out. It would’ve made things so much easier. “The man I want?” she repeated, feeling close to tears.

Edgar hesitated before nodding slowly.

Time to do this the hard way. “I – The man that I want doesn’t exist,” she said quietly. Hoping that he would get the hint.

He didn’t. “Lia, I’m trying to read between the lines here, I really am, but you’re going to have to be more frank,” he told her.

Amelia nodded slowly. Say it. Just say it and get it out of the way. But with every thought just came more dread that she was about to throw the only good thing she had in her life away.

Edgar, as always, somehow knew what to do. Before she could register that he had moved, he was on his feet and pulling her into his arms, allowing her to bury her face in his chest.

It was easier here. Here she couldn’t see his face. Here she could pretend that she was just saying it into the darkness, that nothing she said mattered at all when she was in her brother's arms.

“I want to marry Pandora,” she said, finally, and her body filled up with shame so overwhelming it made her want to crumble into herself. She had never said it out loud before, and now that she had there was no going back. This wasn’t all in her head. . She really was a rotten girl with a rotten mind, and rotten dreams, wanting to marry her female best friend who was in love with someone else.

He didn’t respond straight away, but did tighten his hold, making her feel safe enough to continue talking. “I tried to like guys, Ed. I promise. I tried so hard, and I know that you’re going through a lot, and the last thing you need is a gay sister, but I can’t – I can’t hold it in anymore.” She sobbed.

Edgar kept his tight hold. “It’s okay,” he choked. “It’s going to be okay.”

“But it isn’t!”

“It is! Amelia, so long as I’m alive you’re going to be okay. Screw Mum and Dad and anyone else who has a problem with it. I’ll do anything to make sure that you’re happy.”

“And for the record,” he carried on. “I love you. There is nothing that you could do to change that.”

Unable to stop herself, Amelia jumped into him, wrapping her arms around his neck while his remained holding her up. As she buried her face in his shoulder, she felt silly for ever thinking that there was something in this world that could take them away from each other.

Edgar, Fabian and Gideon were her soulmates. Benjy and Caradoc were her rocks. Pandora was her everything.

Were. Were. Was.

Amelia stops skating. She doesn’t like remembering that she’s the last one left.

The fall of their friendship group was a slow and steady one. First it was Pandora, who befriended a group of Slytherins while they were in their third year. Suddenly the group of seven became a group of six, with her always spending her time with Regulus Black, Dorcas Meadowes, Evan Rosier, and Barty Crouch Jr.

Amleia had never liked them, and could never understand why Pandora did either. She had nothing in common with them, and with the war growing day by day, there was no reason to keep them around when everyone knew that they were in full support of Voldemort's ways.

“But you don’t know,” Pandora kept telling her. “You don’t know them. You Know Who has many valid criticisms of how muggles and muggleborns treat wizards, and many people agree with him, but that doesn’t mean they’re joining him.”

“I heard what I heard,” Amelia said. “Nobody who uses that word deserves to be given the benefit of the doubt.”

“People use that word all the time,” Pandora argued with an eye roll. “It’s normal for Sacred 28 families, trust me.”

But she couldn’t trust her, not enough to ever approve of her friendship with them. Whenever any of them came anywhere near Pandora, Amelia would roll her eyes and make a quick exit. She never allowed them to think for even a second that she didn’t hate them with everything she had, and to this day, she doesn’t know why Pandora kept them so close.

Eventually she was proven right, Rosier, Black and Crouch all joined the Death Eaters, and caused pain and destruction to countless innocent people. As Amelia dances, she finds peace in knowing that the three of them are also dead. There were still a lot of other Death Eaters still at large, but at least they were gone.

At least the boys didn’t die for nothing