putting the fun in dysfunctional

In the fifth film, there’s a moment where Harry fires off a spell and Sirius calls “nice one, James!” It’s an interesting character moment, but not something that’s seen in the books. And it does a disservice to Harry/Sirius’s relationship as well as Sirius himself to imagine that Sirius simply saw Harry as a James replacement.

It’s impossible to completely separate Sirius’s relationship with James from Sirius’s relationship with Harry, because without James, there’s nothing linking their lives together. But I would argue that Sirius did see Harry as his own person and did not see him as a replacement best friend.

Sirius is not a strong authority figure, but he is an authority figure. I would say he falls squarely in the “helpful uncle” category. He doesn’t treat Harry like a child, but he doesn’t treat him like an equal either. He sends him warning letters, (lightly) reprimands him, buys him the broomstick as payback for missed birthdays, etc. 

Keep in mind Sirius knew Harry as a baby. If you change someone’s diapers, it takes a few decades to get to the point where you see them as a peer.  Sirius wanted to take responsibility for Harry as a baby and that he’s fairly quick to ask 13-year-old Harry to live with him in PA. You can argue that he was looking for a James substitute even then, but as illustrated above, he did see Harry as someone for whom he was responsible for protecting/caring for.

In the book version of the Department of Mysteries battle, Sirius doesn’t treat Harry like a fellow Order fighter. He goes out of his way to protect Harry and repeatedly tells Harry to get his friends to get out.

[When Harry is facing Dolohov] 

“Sirius had hurtled out of nowhere, rammed Dolohov with his shoulder and sent him flying out of the way.”

[…]

“Nice one!” shouted Sirius, forcing Harry’s head down as a pair of Stunning Spells flew towards them. “Now I want you to get out of-”

[…]

“Harry, take the prophecy, grab Neville and run!” Sirius yelled, dashing to meet Bellatrix.

Sirius doesn’t view Harry as a dueling partner. He sees him as a 15-year-old kid who, despite his above-average DADA competency, still needs to be protected. Sirius would never tell James to abandon an Order mission, because James is a competent adult and Sirius’s friend. Harry is Sirius’s responsibility.

And yes, part of Sirius’s love for Harry was probably wrapped up in his love for James and his feeling of obligation toward someone who he viewed as a brother. However, that doesn’t mean that he didn’t love Harry as an individual. 

Sirius doesn’t treat Harry with the kind of removed affection that you treat the loved ones of people that you yourself love. He seems to genuinely care for Harry in his own right. 

Sirius was pretty solid when it came to understanding Harry’s feelings and knowing instinctively what Harry needed to hear. And since James and Harry have different personalities and very different problems, I don’t think Sirius would be as helpful if he was just thinking of Harry’s personality as a carbon copy of James. His ability to connect with Harry shows an understanding of Harry as an individual. 

If you’re married with a child and your spouse dies, I think it’s possible to find comfort in the personality/physical similarities between your kid and your deceased spouse without necessarily viewing the child as a substitute. 

It’s hard to guess Sirius’s ultimate feelings. I’m sure he saw shadows of his best friend in Harry’s mannerisms and gestures, and I can see that being very comforting to him. However, I’m not sure he ever saw teenage Harry as a replacement for his old best friend. If Harry/Sirius had had another decade together, I can see the relationship transitioning into a more peer/peer relationship. But that’s a long way off. Canon Sirius did not view Harry as a peer, he viewed him as an underage teenager for whom Sirius was responsible.

I absolutely hate that line in the Order of the Phoenix film. It’s Sirius’s last living words and they alter it beyond all meaning. The original line “Come on, you can do better than that!” summarises his entire character. He’s duelling impressively, protecting the people he loves, finally getting to physically contribute to the fight against Voldemort and the Death Eaters. And then he got cocky. He let himself be distracted by the urge to taunt Bellatrix, and he paid for it. That is Sirius. Brave, brilliant, but rash and arrogant. 

Changing his final words to a weak attempt to suggest that he doesn’t see Harry as anything other than a replacement for James was such a discredit to the character. I once watched an interview with Gary Oldman in which he said he was honoured to be a part of the Harry Potter films, but that he wished he had more information to go on with his character. And given that this is the script he was provided with, I don’t blame him. 

Goblet of Fire and Order of the Phoenix are both littered with occasions in which Harry turns to Sirius as an adult who he trusts to treat him with enough respect to offer useful help and advice. Sirius risks re-capture to return to Britain in Goblet of Fire to try and help Harry, or simply just be there for him, like the responsible guardian figure he wanted so badly to be. 

It can’t be ignored that in Order of the Phoenix, Sirius goes through some pretty tough times. He’s trapped in a house he never wanted to see again, constantly reminded of unpleasant memories associated with it, and he cannot be of use or help to either the Order of Harry other than simply existing. He’d bored, frustrated and lonely. Imprisonment in Azkaban for 12 years and spending as much time as possible as a dog because it simplified his mind and protected him from the Dementors meant he never had the opportunity to fully come to terms with losing his best friend, nor did he ever get the chance to emotionally and practically develop from a 21-year-old into a 36-year-old. Now, trapped in Grimmauld Place with nothing to do, all he has is time to think. 

Just about every adult in the series raves about how similar James and Harry are; it’s inevitable that Sirius will be reminded of James quite a bit when he’s with Harry. There are occasions in which he does compare Harry to James. One scene that stands out in particular is when he offers to sneak up to Hogsmeade to visit Harry (He wants to be there to support his godson. Like a responsible adult.) and when Harry tells him not to, he moodily and very unfairly says that James would have enjoyed the risk. This is perhaps the closest we get to the “Sirius sees Harry as a new James” theory, but Sirius’s overall situation and mental state needs to be taken into consideration here. He has episodes of depressive moods, but they are few and far between as far as Harry is concerned. The majority of the time, all he wants is to be a loving and protective godfather, not to recruit his best friend’s teenage son to be a replacement for his father as a best friend.

especially OoTP. when he has all these near strangers in his childhood house, that he hated and loved and ran away from and couldn’t ever escape. if he spent his entire pre-azkaban existence building a cold and aloof persona, not letting people know what his home life had been like, then to have all of these people get a front row seat to it because of kreacher and portrait walburga’s shenanigans must have been near unbearable. to have the entire order, including snape whom he disliked and mistrusted, hear the kinds of names he’s being called.

not only does he have to deal with the retraumatisation of his childhood, but also the fact that he’s flayed open for everyone to see. it’s not only his freedom, innocence, dignity that has been snatched from him but his privacy also. it’s such a cruel thing to experience, on top of everything else.

to have literal children, his godson who he has been kept away from all this while, whom he presumably wants to be able to look up to him, to have him see into the deepest parts of his soul. to have to be so weak in front of him. not only is he subjected to such vileness but he also cannot do anything about it.

My writing process:

crowley: delivery room three

Sirius: He marries the girl he's been pining for and you're happy for him but inside your heart is breaking and then before you've recovered from that he dies tragically. I know.

Alphard: I was going to say 'and then he becomes a formless wraith somewhere in Albania' but ok.

because harry sure doesn't know. what brothers has he seen embrace? is he 'embracing' ron like a brother??

only child, 'wasn't socialised as a puppy' remus sure doesn't know.

sirius 'never hugged as a child' black, of the noble and most ancient house of incest, doesn't know.

it could mean anything, really!!

I started writing this after a week where multiple clients were processing the feeling of going back to someone who had hurt you and the shame of that experience (even though it's so incredibly normal and common!) I'm not really sure what I want to do with what I've written (if I want to make it into a coherent one-shot or incorporate it into a larger wolfstar fic), but here's some of it!

Remus/Fenrir

Trying to take power from your abuser

Feeling monstrous 

Letting Fenrir fuck him was easier when he was drunk, but even when he was sober it was all Remus could think about now. 

Dumbledore talking about increased security for Muggle gatherings suspected to be targets of attacks had Remus thinking of Fenrir’s teeth – yellowed and sharp and repulsive and enticing all at once. 

James asking him if he was doing alright had Remus considering the sharp inhale Fenrir made when he was turned on and nothing was going to stop him. 

And Sirius -

Sirius only touched Remus when he was drunk, and Remus wondered if Sirius was to himself as he was to Fenrir. The desire to fuck the monster so humiliating that it took a thick layer of firewhiskey to tolerate. 

Sirius was drinking more than Remus was, and Remus might have been drinking more than he ought to, but Sirius held his liquor well and always showed up to his assignments full of energy no matter how little sleep he may have gotten the night before. 

The war was wearing on Remus. The werewolves were wearing on Remus. Lying to his friends about the werewolves – the werewolf – was wearing on Remus. 

Staying with the wolves extra nights of the month, well past when Dumbledore needed him to, gave him a few more days of not lying. Well, not lying to anyone he cared about. 

(He didn’t care about Fenrir.)

(When he told him wizarding society had rejected him totally and the truest part of himself was drawn to the pack, to the wolves, to him he was lying.) 

(He was lying.) 

Remus was a good liar. He didn’t lie to Dumbledore because that would have been impossible. He lied to James and told him, yes, he was alright, just tired, just worried. He lied to Peter, telling him, yes, he cared about Peter’s mother and wasn’t it so sad. He lied to Sirius without his words telling him, yes, this is fine, all I want is a drunk fuck twice a month, yes I believe you when you say you’re alright when I know you were shooting out curses to your family. He had enough selves tied up in trunks in his mind that it wasn’t even lying to himself. Each part was telling the truth, even if they contradicted. 

Remus Lupin was a wizard. Remus Lupin was getting fucked by Sirius Black, drunk and beautiful, and was making excuses for him and why his curses never seemed to strike the Death Eaters with raven-black hair. Remus Lupin was a werewolf. Remus Lupin was getting fucked by Fenrir Greyback and making excuses to stay with the pack longer so he could get fucked again by the monster who turned him. 

If he chose to lay for Fenrir. If he chose to pull off his robes and stand naked for Fenrir with his scars exposed, the the unhealed bruises and scratches from the moon exposed, with bony limbs exposed, with his cock, humiliatingly half-hard already, exposed, then he was not Fenrir’s victim.