the adrenaline rush i got from putting this together in logic pro im actually sweating rn

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the adrenaline rush i got from putting this together in logic pro im actually sweating rn

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modern stucky au in which bucky is a horrifically traumatized ex-winter soldier who still lost his arm & steve is his extremely invested doctor for his recovery treatment. invested to the point its very detrimental to steve.
steve's like. well normally i wouldn't support a patient overworking their recovering muscles like this but i do know you need a sense of control because of The Trauma so i'll give you an unhealthy level of pain med prescriptions. but you have to double your visits to me so i can make sure you aren't tearing anything and not noticing on account of those meds.
and when the meds don't seem to be helping much with the pain (because bucky is actually Not Taking Them, but he doesn't tell steve that) steve's like. well its not legal in this state but i'll give you a hookup for weed options to help. i'll give you the name for a massage place that technically isn't reputable for me to give, but is the only place with good options conceivably in bucky's budget. when bucky's insurance stops covering him seeing steve, steve starts meeting him off-hours to provide the same medical care for free. steve is putting his entire career on the line for bucky but he just can't stop, this guy clearly needs every bit of help he can offer.
very early into their meetings bucky had brought up assisted suicide because he was fucking strugglingggg. and steve very honestly had been like. "if you fuck up- and statistically, you will fuck it up- you will probably have severe brain damage. and then you'll get put in a care home. which you won't have a choice in. they won't let you opt out. and care homes are really fucking bad, bucky. so how about we work on improving your current situation. and if you still feel like you want to kill yourself in five months we'll talk about options"
....which is important because when bucky has an episode like two years later and accidentally ends up giving steve brain damage he immediately concludes he CANNOT let steve go to a care home. steve is the only doctor he's ever trusted, his favorite person in the present day, the person whom he depends on for consistent and unwavering belief that he can Be Someone. he can't let steve suffer because of something he did.
obviously the only solution is to go on the run and take steve with him.
nonbinary izuna who tobirama exclusively uses it/its pronouns for
izuna: i actually dont use it, i use they/them
tobirama : what the fuck are you talking about (did not know izuna was nonbinary) (was just being derogatory)
hashirama: tobirama!!! PLEASE Be Respectful!!! how can we expect the uchiha to maintain peace if you keep disrespecting their heir ??
tobirama: whatever. it can misgender me too and make it even
hashirama: that's not at all how any of this works
izuna (pointing at tobirama): SHE!!!!!
and then they have to immediately leave the room bc they got a boner.
tobirama (smug): so it's a pervert. i think thats worse actually. right brother
has anybody done a stupid modern au where the howling commandos are a frat and bucky is their most popular member. who is trying soooo hard to get his childhood best friend to be allowed to join even though poor steve either can't do any of the initiation challenges/refuses to do the rest of them on moral grounds.
bucky during the hazing trials to get in justifying literally everything...
bucky: you know he has a point about alcohol poisoning we should stop this.
bucky: he can't run 10 miles he has a condition. it would be bad of us to not let him join because he has a condition it's not fair.
bucky: you know steve shared this really interesting article on ways in which bonding through suffering is actually almost equal to bonding through collaborative efforts so maybe we should just have all the recruits build some park benches for the betterment of the community and call it a day-
and nobody is willing to argue with buckys sad wet eyes of bargaining. so steve gets in.
when bucky is getting used to having money in the modern day, he doesn't really know what to do with it. they have shelter, they have food, they don't have to worry about medicine.
At some point he stumbles across an artist on some website. They've got a bunch of- honestly, not that great- art examples, and a little blurb at the bottom about how much a commission would cost. It's cheap by today's standards, and Bucky is reminded of Steve on the street corner selling portraits by the penny.
He messages the artist about drawing Captain America. The artist responds pretty positively- they'd love to, no problem, but which of his outfits does Bucky want and what should he be doing?
That's a lot of questions. He doesn't care which of Steve's uniforms it is- though he thinks about what he's seen online for a second, and clarifies, please make it an official uniform. He can't be so casual about what Steve's doing, though, because artists tend to default to Captain America fighting. He sees that often enough in the day and it stresses him the hell out. What he finds relaxing is-
normal stuff. Cooking, cleaning with Steve. jogging in central park. But all of that is special because Steve does it special, has all these odd little habits that nobody else would get right. He doesn't want to specify to the artist that Steve keeps all the spices above the stove, that he'll keep one hand on the frying pan and use the other to reach up and feel around for the right glass jar and risk dropping it all in the pan.
He needs something that an artist who doesn't know steve can't fuck up.
Like grocery shopping. He loves getting to go grocery shopping with Steve these days, because they don't have to worry about it anymore. Don't have to do the math on if they can afford it, don't have to stress about if they've got enough to eat before the next paycheck. They can fill a cart with name-brand stuff and eat it in one sitting and doesn't mean a thing.
So that's what he settles on. Can you draw Captain America in the grocery store, shopping for bread?
the artist types out a response, deletes it, types it out, deletes it again. that little typing bubble pops up three times before the artist goes, you got it!
Bucky sends the money. When he gets the art a few days later, he's satisfied. He got to support an artist, and now he's got this nice reminder of how far he and Steve have come. He decides to do it again. Goes out, finds some artists, commissions them for the same thing. Every artist has their own spin on it, and besides, it's kind of fun to have a collection. Why not?
And that's how Bucky becomes the wonderbread guy for captain america fanartists.
sometimes the artists try to appeal to him by making steve look especially sexy/make his uniform more sexy but bucky always sends back notes like "sorry can you make his expression more normal? can you keep the armor thick enough, you've made it look skintight and that's not very protective :(" so the community quickly learns to keep it as vanilla as possible. they still think it's a fetish thing just a specific one
somebody manages to get a photo of steve shopping in a grocery store post-mission still in his uniform & it goes big on twitter and people keep tagging the account bucky uses to commission people from... until he eventually posts that he thinks its really disrespectful to take photos of steve off-the-clock even if he's still in uniform. captain america has a right to privacy too everyone. this is really invasive and rude. please stop tagging him.
this gains him the new title "the respectful pervert".

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thinking about my human rocky eridian grace au scenario and i think there's actually something really compelling about rocky not trying to wake the whole crew at once.
He starts with just the engineering team. His friends. The people he misses the most and who'd probably forgive him for doing it. When the entire team turns out to be dead, though, he stops.
he waits.
some part of him has the inkling of- this is a long, long journey. he doesn't know the others as well. he'd be waking them up not only to a very long, boring trip, but now also to the confusion and grief of three dead crewmembers. so he waits. as long as he can manage, he holds out, maybe makes it a few months. maybe a full year. finally gives in, wakes someone else up, and they're dead too.
okay. he waits again. he's starting to really worry- it can't be all of them. It can't be. He's fine, how can he be okay and nobody else? that makes no sense. There are 18 people left for him to wake up, and 11 more years left of travel. He decides he'll try and only wake up one person a year. He never actually manages waiting that long, but still. He makes it the full 11 years holding out some hope that surely the next person will be okay. He won't be alone anymore.
He has a system for it too. He started with the engineers, but after that he tries to be reasonable. He tries waking up the members of crew who'd understand the stasis systems best, maybe they'd know what went wrong; when they're all dead, he tries the pilot- she was trained on so many details of the hail mary ship, maybe she'd know what the issue is? he works his way through the list with increasing desperation.
The group he saves last is the specialists in astrophage. Maybe he should've tried them before some of the others, in terms of practical knowledge for whatever was happening, but...the mission needs the biologists. It doesn't matter if they have a pilot and a head engineer if they don't have a biologist who can actually figure out what's going on at Tau Ceti. Rocky needs this mission to mean something, he needs this to work. So he puts off the deaths that he knows would break him for as long as possible. The very last person Rocky tries to wake up, three months before he arrives at Tau Ceti (three months before he meets Grace) is the head scientist of the program. He was, like everyone else, very dead.
i think the "human rocky" version of 45 years in isolation with a dead crew is that his induced-coma ends like...1 year in by accident. there's a machine malfunction and it results in an emergency wakeup for him as the head engineer; he fixes the problem but he can't get put back into a coma.
he spends a year or two in complete isolation, slowly going crazy. Finally snaps and tries to wake someone else up. just one! please. please. he can't be alone any longer.
But the crew member he tries to wake up is dead. has been for a while.
Rocky tries another three people- the entire mechanical team, maybe, all his fellow engineers- and all of them are dead.
A month or two after he'd gotten woken up to fix that issue, something had gone wrong with the stasis systems. Everyone who was depending on those systems to stay alive had died.
Rocky is on a ship with 22 dead bodies, no way to turn back or ask for help, no relevant skillset for the actual main point of the mission, and 12 years left of travel time.
grace doesn't need to ask rocky to watch him sleep, rocky is begging to be allowed to. please please please please you cannot die in your sleep on him grace. he can't do this again.
grace has to teach him little signs that its "sleep" and not "death" because rocky keeps working himself into a panic that grace has actually died and he just can't tell.
i think the "human rocky" version of 45 years in isolation with a dead crew is that his induced-coma ends like...1 year in by accident. there's a machine malfunction and it results in an emergency wakeup for him as the head engineer; he fixes the problem but he can't get put back into a coma.
he spends a year or two in complete isolation, slowly going crazy. Finally snaps and tries to wake someone else up. just one! please. please. he can't be alone any longer.
But the crew member he tries to wake up is dead. has been for a while.
Rocky tries another three people- the entire mechanical team, maybe, all his fellow engineers- and all of them are dead.
A month or two after he'd gotten woken up to fix that issue, something had gone wrong with the stasis systems. Everyone who was depending on those systems to stay alive had died.
Rocky is on a ship with 22 dead bodies, no way to turn back or ask for help, no relevant skillset for the actual main point of the mission, and 12 years left of travel time.
and for my favorite character: failed suicide attempt and erectile dysfunction
do you guys think "im with you to the end of the line" started being a vow for them when they were really really little. like how does that come up organically.
option 1) steve and bucky met as little kids out playing somewhere away from brooklyn (like maybe their moms both decided on a day trip to central park at the same time), took the subway home together, and got really excited to learn they got off at the same stop! "i'm with you to the end of the line!" was initially an excited little kid going yay yippie we get to hang out the whole way home! it morphed over time into a promise that's partially a reminder of just how long they've been there for each other.
option 2) bucky said this to steve when they were both very young, the first time steve got really really sick. deathbed sick. and steve's really out of it and everyone is trying to get bucky to leave- he's too young to see this, to see steve die, especially in such an awful slow way. and bucky is too young to really know how to say "i'm not leaving him to die alone, he's my best friend, and if the only thing i can do is be here then that's what i'm going to do" so instead he said the closet approximation an 8 year old has of that. you can't make him leave. he's staying with steve until the end of the line.

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steve being a hot fucking commodity specifically in the "1930s straight guys want to fuck him bc hes not a threat to their masculinity" category. bucky gets used to having to chase drunk guys and sailors off starting when they're like 14. in the modern day somebody asks them how nice it is being able to be out in public as a couple and bucky is just like yeah its a major relief people keep the 'begging steve for a blowjob' stuff online now. i haven't had to hit anybody over it in ages its a nice change
rocky must be as close as possible to watch sleep. for safety
i have not been making enough of a big deal out of how much bucky was everything to steve preserum. starting as little kids. steve didn't have other friends and he didn't have siblings and he didn't have a dad he just had his mom (constantly working) and bucky.
bucky who was like, the guy's guy at every age. the first toddler on the block to start walking. the first kid in their grade to hit a home run. the first guy in their middle school to get a girlfriend. bucky was steve's role model he was his protector he was his best friend he was the tape measure for all his failures and successes he was literally everything for steve.
and theres the sweet side of this, which is every instance you see of steve going the extra mile for bucky, every time steve went "bucky thinks he deserves to be abandoned but he isn't. he's my friend and i'm not fucking leaving him"? that's steve modeling himself after bucky, after every time as a kid that bucky chose to visit him when he was sick instead of out in the park. every date bucky skipped so he could take care of a pissed-off steve. every stupid fight steve picked that bucky took the hit to drag him out of.
bucky taught him how to love, what loving someone looks like. bucky was the crazy one first.
Zzzz mimimimi zzzzz mimimimi
reminder that if you like k/l/l/i/n/g/s/t/a/l/k/i/n/g every single character from steven universe hates you

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really sad how many posts ive been seeing that are like "did you notice that stratt's actions had a consequence? pretty neat! I DO NOT HATE HER I DO NOT HATE WOMEN PLEASE DONT KILL ME I THINK SHES SO COOL IM AWARE HER ACTIONS SAVED EARTH AND ERID I LOVE HER SO MUCH THIS IS A GOOD THING I LIKE MORALLY GREY WOMEN IM JUST POINTING OUT GOOD WRITING CAUSE/EFFECT I SWEAR THIS ISN'T HATING ON HER CHARACTER GOD PLEASE DON'T INTERPRET THIS AS STRATT HATE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE"
once again haters are saying that i cannot be trusted to curate character playlists bc my mind is too open and my heart is too loving and everything reminds me of everything