⁽ ᵗᵒ ᵗʰᵉ ˢᵗᵃʳˢ ⁾ sᴛᴀʏ.

it STINGS more than she’d like to admit, the woman that she’s grown so close to backing away from her as though she was a DANGER or a threat. especially when the doctor had broken down her OWN barriers to let her wife in emotionally. was all of that emotion GONE? the thought sends a terrifying shiver down her spine, she shakes it off. 

the doctor holds her hand out, not unlike somebody trying to approach a wild ANIMAL. “it’s okay. i need you t’ trust me, right now. i know you don’t recognise me but… we’re CLOSE. well, closer than close, to be honest with you, but that’s not important right now. what’s important is you REMEMBERING who you are.” 

“you can just call me the doctor, if y’ like.” that could WORK, her mind whirrs with the idea, wondering just how far she could take her alias. “i’m YOUR doctor, technically.” she’s not really LYING - only painting the truth, making it easier for the lady to understand. 

“tell me everything you know. about yourself, about where we are. about-” she swallows the LUMP in her throat, she’s not entirely sure she wants to know just how LITTLE the love of her life can remember. “about me. US. think of it like a CHECK UP.”

     ❝   BUT I DON’T   ———   i don’t know   ,   ❞         she whispers   ,   shying away yet again.   how   ...   how could she begin to tell this blonde woman   ,   this doctor   ,   anything about herself if she doesn’t know anything.   she can’t even seem to remember her own name   ———    is it   ...   V   ...   VI   ...   no.    that isn’t right   ,   is it   ?         ❝   WHY    ———   why don’t i know   ?   ❞

      she pauses   &   glances up at the blonde   ,   trying to secure the answers from her face.   who is she   ?   why is her face so familiar   ,   so full of concern   ———   much more than a typical doctor’s would be   ———   ?   why does looking into the woman’s sad eyes make her feel even sadder   ?

the doctor glances over at the other, half expecting for the question to end in a joke, ready to laugh it off and to continue with their journey.

but something is WRONG. the confusion in the lady’s eyes is TOO convincing to be faked. even she’d have to admit that her wife isn’t THAT good of an actress.

“what do you mean?”

she pushes herself from the central console and rushes over to the other time lord, leaning in to inspect her features, checking for any sign of OBVIOUS damage. she’s regenerated, of course. but something’s not right, not if she can’t recognise HER.

there’s no SIGN of any danger to her wife. which makes her chest tighter, makes her stomach fall further. the regeneration was FINE, but she’s been ERASED.

“priya. listen t’ me. you have to remember. it’s theta. you KNOW me. please.”

      ❝   WHAT DO YOU MEAN   ———   what do you mean   ?   ❞         wide eyes search the glowy metal room she’s standing in   ,   &   she takes a step back from the blonde woman   ,   who had rushed to her upon hearing her first question.   the strange lady is too close to her   ,   looking at her with such unwavering concern   &   familiarity that her gaze alone is crowding her.   she has no idea where she is or who she’s with.   it’s disorienting   &   causes her to take yet another step back   ,   almost bumping into an orange column-thingy.   a column made of crystal   ...   where is she   ?   at theme park or something   ?   had she hit her head on a ride or something   ?

      ❝   I   ———   i don’t know you.   why would   ———   why would i ask who you are if i did   ?   ❞         she pauses   ,   frowning.   the blonde called her priya   ,   but the name is just as unfamiliar as her settings are.   is that   ———   is that her name   ?   her face scrunches up   ;   no ,   no it couldn’t be.   she would know her own name.   it’s   ...   it   ...   started with a   ...   a V or   ———   or a   ...   a M.   it   ,   it wasn’t priya.

      ❝   &   ———   your name can’t be THETA.   ❞         she’s not sure where the determination in her voice has come from   ,    but she can’t stop the words from spilling out of her mouth.         ❝   THAT’S    ———   that’s a letter   ,   not a name.   ❞         she doesn’t know how she knows that either   ,   but she knows it’s true.

“because you could have DIED.”

the ADRENALINE is still coursing through her veins, hearts still pounding from watching her wife run straight into certain death, unsure if she’d ever come out the other side.

“i won’t go through that again. did you even THINK- do you KNOW what it’s like t’ lose something like that? t’ lose EVERYTHING?

the words leave her mouth unfiltered - and it isn’t until the doctor hears them that she realises just how STUPID they are. she’s yelling at the only other person in the universe that could understand what it’s like. they had lost a FAMILY.

the doctor remains silent for a few more seconds, as though SCARED of the words and the anger with which they were delivered. but as soon as she gathers herself she speaks again, voice so muchSOFTER in comparison.

“i didn’t mean that. i’m so sorry.”

         ❝   YES   ,   YOU  DID.   ❞

         the lady looks up   ,   eyes focusing on the doctor for the first time since the beginning of the conversation.   the anger has left her wife’s voice   ,   dulled a bit in her eyes   ,   but it’s only grown in the lady.   what was just frustration a moment a go has spiked   ,   &   the time lady is surprised   ,   surprised to know that even in this new body   ,   her temper could still get the best of her   ,   is still waiting just beneath her calm exterior.

        ❝   YOU WOULDN’T have said it otherwise.   you’re not that loose-lipped.   what you meant to say was   ———   i’m sorry.   i didn’t think before i spoke because if i had   ,   i wouldn’t have said anything at all   ...   or at least   ,   i hope you wouldn’t.   ❞

         she frowns   &   folds her arms cross her chest.   she doesn’t huff.   she doesn’t roll her eyes.   she just stands there   ,   looking at her wife accusingly.   the words had stung   &   stung hard.   here she was trying to make sure their friends   &   her wife got out safe   &   sound   ,   &   this was the reaction she got   ?   she expected some anger   ,   yes   ,   but not that.   the doctor pulled this shit all the time.   &   yes   ,   the lady would get mad   &   tell her not to do it again   ,  but not like that.

         but her reasoning was always the same   :   you could have died  ;   your life is important too   ;   if we do that   ,   we do it together   ;   we’re a family   ;   we’re each other’s only family.   they weren’t.    she didn’t yell out criticisms in her wife’s thinking   ,   didn’t yell out how the doctor didn’t understand what it was like to lose everything.

        because she knew the doctor did.

        but   ———   so did she   !

       do you though   ?   because they’ve always been here.   always.   you haven’t actually lost them yet.

       ❝   I   ———   ❞         she pauses   ,   frustrated tears springing to her eyes.   that’s new   ,   she thinks.   no   ,   not new   ,   just not   ...   recent.   seven did that too   ,   like on trenzalore.         ❝   ———   YOU RUN HEAD FIRST into certain danger all the time.   not just danger but into things you’re sure you’re either going to die or never come back from.   you leave me behind    ...   all the time to deal with the possible aftermath of that.   i am always waiting for you   ,   waiting for the next moment you decide the universe is more important than your life   ,   than being by my side.   i would give everything i have to keep you there   ,   &   i have lost it all trying   &   yet you keep running at it.   ❞         she unfolds her arms.         ❝   SO YES   ,    every so often i’m going to be the one to run head first into certain death in hopes of stopping you from doing it first.   ❞

she hadn’t even SAID anything. shown no signs of rage or upset - mostly to keep her newest friends calm while she returned them to enjoy the rest of their holidays with their families. she’s hunched over the tardis console when the words leave the lady’s lips and wrap around her like both a comforting hug and a constricting snake. they PUSH her true emotions out of her chest.

“how?” her hands slam against the harsh metal of the tardis before she pushes herself up. “i triedEVERYTHING. i’ve destroyed them time and TIME again. how did they survive?”

      ❝   THE WAY THEY ALWAYS DO   ,   ❞      she answers softly as she leans along the frame of the center console.   she doesn’t flinch as the doctor’s hands slam against the machine   ;   in fact   ,   the lady’s face is devoid of any anger   ,   much like her wife.   it’s her words   ,   however   ,   that hold  a different tone from her wife’s.   where there is rage   &   confusion in the doctor’s voice   ,   there is only resignation in the lady’s.

      two roads diverged   :   the optimist   ,  the hoper of far-flung hopes   &   the dreamer of improbably dreams   ,   &   the pessimist   ,   always waiting for shit to hit the intergalactic fan.   the lady should be mad at the return of the daleks   ,   the return of their greatest enemy   ,   but her anger is overshadowed by the expectantness of the event.   the daleks always came back   ,   each   &   every time they had thought they were gone forever.   why would now be any different   ?

       she supposes   ,   though   ,   that is not the point   ,   even if it is the question her wife has directed at her.   her wife who has been trying so hard to move on   &   start anew   ,   a fresh regeneration with bright   &   shinning new companions.   a new tardis interior   &   all new places in space   &   time.    but time   &   distance   &   a new face didn’t make universal truths just disappear forever   ,   didn’t make the two of them immune from running into with their past.

          the lady couldn’t hide the smirk creeping onto her face at kate’s question.   it was blasé   &   casual with just the right amount of humor   ,   exactly as the lady had envisioned the blonde’s response to her new incarnation.   seeing a newly regenerated time lord could be confusing   ,   especially when one didn’t expect the transformation   ,   but kate’s no stranger to the confusing or alien.   earth may be her home   ,   but having grown up as the brigadier’s daughter   &   now running unit   ,   kate’s backyard was always the universe.   &   with the universe came all of its strange wonders.

      or more often in the case of the earth   ,   two dork time lords with an odd fondness for humanity.         ❝   DO YOU LIKE   ?   ❞      she asked   ,   lifting them off her face   &   turning the glasses around before returning the pair to her nose.      ❝   THEY’RE A BIT THINNER   &   rounder than my last pair.   i quite think they suit my new face rather well.   ❞

this is still the most accurate description of thirteen   &   lady nine’s relationship.

   ——————      PICK FIVE VINES THAT BEST CHARACTERIZE YOUR MUSE..   ——————      REPOST   ,   DON’T REBLOG.

01.   like this vine if you ever get that feeling   (   constant lady six mood   ) 02.   excuse my potty mouth   (   lady is a lady™️   &   will apologize after spontaneously cursing   ) 03.   around the world   (   look   ———   it’s the doctor’s wives   ) 04.   stress relief     (   lady eight needs a #break   ) 04.   when there’s too much drama at school in the tardis  (   honestly constant lady mood   ,   ft. every regeneration   ) + BONUS   :   lady at the master after utopia   &   at missy in death in heaven   (   if you’re gonna shoot   ,   come on   ,   shoot already   )

THE LADY IN UTOPIA   (   3   x   11   ).

(   SCENE 01   )   YEAR 100 TRILLION,   YANA’S LAB.

DR. VIDA CONNER wakes up in PROFESSOR YANA’S lab after having a   “   nightmare   ”.    CHANTHO turns to her    &   asks if she is okay.

the flashes of her dream still linger for a moment    ;   dreams of another life   ———   a red skyline and sand   &   holding a baby girl   &   the sound of the TARDIS.

(   SCENE 02   )   YEAR 100 TRILLION,   YANA’S LAB.

CHANTHO    ,    YANA   ,    &   VIDA are working in the lab   ,   trying to get the footprint for the rocket up   &   running.

they notice there is movement on the surface   ———   the FUTUREKIND are hunting a human as he tries to reach the SILO.

ATTILO comes over the PA system    ,   asking about the progress. CHANTHO   &   VIDA answer as YANA seems to get caught up in his head.   VIDA asks if he’s okay   ,   &   he shrugs her off.

(   SCENE 03   )   YEAR 100 TRILLION,   YANA’S LAB.

over the PA system    ,    ATTILO announces the arrival of 4 new humans   (   including JACK HARKNESS   ,   MARTHA JONES   ,   &  the DOCTOR   ).   YANA goes to greet them after hearing one is named   “   the DOCTOR   ”   ,   a scientist.

VIDA stays back with CHANTHO   ,   unfocused after hearing the name   “   DOCTOR   ”.

CHANTHO again asks if she’s okay   ,   &   VIDA merely nods   ,   remarking that she’s just tired and hoping they can fix the rocket soon.

(   SCENE 04   )   YEAR 100 TRILLION,   YANA’S LAB.

YANA returns to the lab with the DOCTOR   ,   MARTHA   ,   &   JACK in tow.   he’s very excited   ,   rambling about the equipment   ,   what it is   &   what it’s supposed to do.    VIDA begins to chime in   ,   gaining the DOCTOR’S attention.

the two then explain what isn’t working   &   why the rocket won’t fly.   they ask for the DOCTOR’S opinion  ,   &   he says he has no clue.   YANA’S excitement deflates   —––—   but rises again when the DOCTOR fixes the machine.

YANA is very impressed   ,   but VIDA is skeptical of this DOCTOR   &    doesn’t appreciate how it seems like this is all a game   ,   an adventure to him.

(   SCENE 05   )   YEAR 100 TRILLION,   YANA’S LAB.

as preparations are made for the passengers to board   &   leave the SILO via the rocket   ,    YANA    &   the DOCTOR discuss how YANA built the machine   ,   stating that he’s a genius.   YANA remarks that he can’t take all the credit   ———   VIDA had helped   ,   even if she was much more skilled as a physician.

over the PA system   ,   ATTILO mentions they’ve found the blue box   ,   the TARDIS.   at this news    ,   VIDA seems to stiffen   ,   especially at the description of a blue box.   she gets lost in her head again   ,   images of a blurry but familiar blue ship   &   console room from her dream coming to mind.   she shakes her head   &   goes back to help with the last-minute adjustments.

(   SCENE 06   )   YEAR 100 TRILLION,   YANA’S LAB.

as the trio     (   DOCTOR   ,    YANA    ,   &    VIDA   )   try to get all the systems up.   running to leave   ,   they learn that the FUTUREKIND have managed to tamper with the system   ———    &   now the room in which they need to lower the levels   ,   is unreachable due to the radiation   /   heat.   JACK tries to fix a pair of wires in the lab   ,   &   he falls down   ,    dead.

both VIDA   &   MARTHA rush over to help him   ,   but the DOCTOR pulls them back.    he glances over at YANA    &   remarks that they need a man who can’t die to get into that room.   as he finishes his sentence   ,   JACK comes back to life   ,   after being undoubtedly dead a min ago.

VIDA frowns    ,   disturbed by the sight.   a flash of what resembles a man regenerating appears in her mind    ,    accompanied by a voice    ———    “   no   ,   don’t cry.     while there’s life    ,   there’s   ———   ”.   it fades   ,   &   VIDA is brought out of her thoughts when the DOCTOR touches her shoulder    ,   asking if she is okay.   he points out that JACK is fine    ,    thinking that is why she is so upset.   she replies somewhat stoically that   “   death isn’t always as definite as one might believe   ”   before walking away to help CHANTHO.   this leaves the DOCTOR staring curiously at her.

(   SCENE 07   )   YEAR 100 TRILLION,   YANA’S LAB.

the DOCTOR   &   JACK have left the lab to go fix the machine’s levels   ,   but the duo can be heard over the PA system in the lab   ;   MARTHA tells YANA   &   VIDA about the TARDIS   ,   how it can travel in space   &   time and take them away after the rocket leaves.   they seem both intrigued   &   disturbed at the idea.

as they continue to work on their end   ,   they catch part of the DOCTOR   &   JACK’S conversation.   the phrases   “   time war   ”   ,   “   daleks   ”   ,   &   “   regeneration    ”   stick out in their minds.   VIDA walks away   ,   deep in thought   &   begins to flip through some old notes    &    journals, seemingly looking for something to connect to these words   ,   to find why they sound familiar   ,   but she finds nothing.

as she looks   ,   she continues to listen to MARTHA   &   YANA talk. MARTHA notices YANA’S watch   &   asks how he got it.   he tells her he   &   VIDA were found as children with it.

“   both of you had a watch    ?  ”   MARTHA asks   ,   but VIDA is no longer paying attention   ,   absorbed in her reading again.   she doesn’t catch YANA’S response   :   “    no   ,   just me.   we were found together   ,   assumed to be siblings   ———   although   ,   VIDA never seemed to buy that bit.   looked too different   ,   she says———   but it was just the one watch   ,   my watch.   ”

He asks why———but MARTHA tells him to forget it.

(   SCENE 08   )   YEAR 100 TRILLION,   YANA’S LAB.

YANA is now paying his watch a great deal of attention,      &   he keeps glancing back   &   forth from it to VIDA.   CHANTHO asks him to rest as she is worried about his behavior.

at this comment    ,   VIDA glances up at YANA   &   discards her reading as she watches him open his watch  ,   gold light coming out of it.   VIDA reaches into her pocket   ,   as if looking for her own watch but the lab coat pocket is   “   empty   ”.

after a moment   ,   “  YANA  ”   locks the door   ,   keeping the DOCTOR   ,   JACK   ,   &   MARTHA out of the lab.   YANA   ,   CHANTHO   ,   &   VIDA begin to argue over YANA’S actions   ,   &   VIDA goes to unlock the door   ,   but YANA traps her in his grasp.   he reveals himself to be the MASTER.   he thrusts some wires at CHANTHO   &   “   kills    ”   her   ,   causing VIDA to scream out for   “  help   ”.

(   SCENE 09   )   YEAR 100 TRILLION,   YANA’S LAB.

without letting go of VIDA   , YANA   ———   the MASTER   ———   begins to sabotage the navigation system.   the DOCTOR   ,   JACK   ,   &   MARTHA re still locked out of the lab.   the DOCTOR is begging to be let inside.    VIDA screams out for help again   ,   &   the MASTER goes to silent her   ,   but CHANTHO   ,   still alive   ,   shoots him   ,   before dying.   the MASTER manages to keep his grip on VIDA   ,   however   ,   &   after grabbing the jar containing the DOCTOR’S hand   ,   he drags her into the DOCTOR’S TARDIS.

JACK gets the lab door open   ,   but the MASTER closes the TARDIS door on the DOCTOR’S face   &   deadlocks the TARDIS   ,   so he can’t get in.

(   SCENE 10   )   YEAR 100 TRILLION,   YANA’S LAB.

inside the TARDIS    ,    the DOCTOR can be heard banging on the door    ,   begging to be let in   ,   explaining how they’re the only two TIME LORDS left.

THE MASTER shoves VIDA to the side   ,    but not before patting her pockets down   &   pulling out a nearly identical watch.   confused   &   scared   ,   VIDA is left on the side of the console room as the MASTER regenerates.

after regenerating   ,    the MASTER strikes up a conversation with the DOCTOR.    the DOCTOR begs him to stop    ,    to think   ,   to let VIDA go.   the MASTER refuses   &   tells him to use his name.   complying    ,   the DOCTOR begs     ,    but the MASTER still refuses.   the DOCTOR again says they’re the only two left   ,    &   the MASTER replies   ———   “   not the only two   ”   ———   before glancing at VIDA.   he forces the watch back into her hand   &   using CHANTHO’S gun   ,   threatens her to open it.

“     ———  did you not recognize her    ,   doc   ?   sure   ,   she got old   ,   couple wrinkles here   &   there   ,   but surely that would never stop you from recognizing your wife   ?  ”

with her life on the line   ,   VIDA opens the watch   &   is returned to her TIME LORD state as   “   the LADY   ”.